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How hard is it to initiate a gay relationship for you?


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After scrolling through this site for a bit, I came to the conclusion that there is not much coverage of LGBT issues, beyond ardent claims of heterosexuality to questioning mothers and the occasional juvenile insult.

Believing that the internet can be a somewhat useful tool to acquire information beyond porn, I'd thought I'd try to start up a thread for my fellow LGBTs as a place where they can rant about their relationship struggles, and ask questions, and where we can encourage and cheer for each other, and of course, offer whatever advice we have, with a grain of margarita salt.

So, I'll start it off then, after that indulgent intro...

It seems to me that it is very hard for gays/bis/tris/and whatever the hell Lady GaGa is to find relationships. The most obvious fact is that numerically, there are less of us than the heteros. Another problem is that for the most part, gays et alia are rather average. We pass each other by every day, and assume that the other is straight.

Then there's the coming out process, which may be easy or hard depending upon your circumstances. It does seem to be getting easier, though. As young gays are coming out at an earlier age than ever before. Some gays try to fake relationships (and sometimes even heterosex! :p ) before they come out, while others prefer to lay low. For the latter group, when we come out (usually around college age) we're well behind our straight peers when it comes to basic relationship skills, and of course, in sex.

My own story is this: Came out late due to negative environmental influences, and started going to college. I laid low my entire puberty and high school experience, and came out early in my sophomore year. My problem is now basically beginning where other people began at 13,14 or maybe a bit younger. I'm totally behind, and it does chip away at your self-confidence and makes you feel like a weird immature freak. Adding more frustration to this issue is the fact that everyone assumes I'm straight because of my "hetero mannerism". I refuse to act like something I'm not, just to be more obvious so that I can score. Over a year later and I'm still in the same boat. In a way, it's very ironic.

I want to open this thread up to my other card-carrying gays. Feel free to share your own stories/experiences or to comment on mine. Let's build up a resource for people in our boat.
 
Im not gay..but Ive dated Bi sexual women...it works in my favor.
How in the heck u do think I do threesomes with women sometimes?

But I think it more acceptiable for women to be gay or BI...its like sexy.
It every man fantacy to have sex with multilple women @ the sametime..

This is what I notice...I dont get jealouse of she talks to other women or even kiss another women in public in front of me...I get jealouse if she talks to other men...

At the sametime it can turn into a love triangle...becuz I got attached or got emotionally connected with the other woman...At some level Im closer to one woman then the other....

@ the sametime. I dont really know how the relationship between the two women are...I only see what I see.
So whatever jealousy , control issues...I have need to get cast aside.

Its alot of love and undersanding..both women cares for me as I care for both.
Its beyound the sex after a while.

Both women still wishes to be my firend...cuz I decided to get back together with my Hsgf....

but I kind of got informed....lol
so..I didnt totally freak out.
I love her very much..
So Im thinling everything happens for a reason..so I can be with the one I love and truely accept her for who she is and understand her better. And not juddge her or comdemn her.
 
The way I understand it or process it..
It still reminds. I still tend to get jealouse if she talks to other men...
but had made a commitment to me..as I had to her...
As far as her having a relationship with another woman...Ill simply have to accept it...as treat it as she will have relationship with other people in her lives...such as our duaghter...So Im not always going to be her top priority..
So it still reminds..@ the core of it..I must be happy with myself and not be depended on her to fill my needs and happiness all the time..In other words not be so **** clingie or expectioning too much from her. Theres other people in her life that loves her and need her to be there for them..such as our duaghter. So whatever time and love she shares with me is precious.
Hope that makes sense.
 
Lonesome Crow said:
Im not gay..but Ive dated Bi sexual women...it works in my favor.
How in the heck u do think I do threesomes with women sometimes?

Do you really think mentioning having three-somes with women in a LGBT thread is appropriate? O____o

-.-
 
Whats wrong with having Threesomes?

Let me guess...
You dont approve of it?
You think its a sin?
You think its gross?
You think its degrading?
You think I should feel guilty and be shame?

You also know...invitably I ma going to ask you Y ?



 
Lonesome Crow said:
Whats wrong with having Threesomes?

Let me guess...
You dont approve of it?
You think its a sin?
You think its gross?
You think its degrading?
You think I should feel guilty and be shame?

You also know...invitably I ma going to ask you Y ?

Or pershasp you think someone should put a bullet in my head for doubling up my capacity of contaminating whitties's gene pool? :p






I just think it doesn't belong in a GLBT thread is all. It would be different if a woman who is exploring her sexuality posted about a threesome in this thread. But, since you, yourself arent exploring a sexual orientation, I feel, what you have added wasn't helpful since it just propogated a tired cliche, that guys like threesomes which I feel is invalidating towards the bisexual orientation, whittling it down to an opportunity for men being able to get more pussy, rather than it being seen as an actual orientation. It's funny you should say that women being with women doesn't make you feel threatened, but your woman talking to a guy does. It's like you think women liking women is just a cute phase, rather than an actual romantic attraction.



:/
 
Well...it wasnt like we stayed in bed and had sex all day.
I made connections with both of these women. They both open their heart and soul to me. Share with me about their hopes, dreams and deepest darkest secrets. I can relate to them
from the many life experinces we lived through and it wasnt all rossie.
Some of the things we talk about arnt just about the moohie romance love stuff...Its beyound that and much deeper than that. Its unconditional love. Never the less we enjoy the many goodtimes we had together..The luaghters..the friendship and the romance. Life wasnt all bad inspite of the living hell we all had to fucken endured
Im grateful these women came into my life..for they tuaght me how to truely love and live. And the many lessons I learned.
For I can be with the one I love and love her like she needed and wanted to be loved.

She wasnt faking a relationship with me..she loves me very much..but @ that time I was a bit homophobic..she felt she had to hide certain things from me or surpress herself...
Suely if I didnt experinced the things I did with the 2 other women...I would be in total shock. It was I that felt her many years ago.... Whatever the fresia I deem appropricate and convienent @ the time....

Renae N I had a dream many many years ago. Two young kids very much in love of jsut wanting a family of our own.
The many miles on the long winning road. The unconditional love we now have for each other...That same love our daughter needs. Wheather people approval or disapprove of her is non of our connerns...We love our daughter unconditionally. Kimberly was created out of love not hate .
 
Polyamorous by Breaking Benjamin :p

Oh...how would you know???
will..how do you know?? Hahahaaa
 
Yeah,I really hate people who confuso being a queer with being gay. One is a stereotype (that many follow...) and the other is just pure reality.

Now,I'm not gay or anything close to it (and I don't find it weird either) but it can be kind of weird thinking a girl is straight,being all night making the move to her and then she tells us she's lesbian.
 
Well... Thanks for making this thread, it's nice to see someone bringing it up. I'm a bi girl, and more then anything I want a girlfriend, and one day hopefully a wife. But I have a hard time meeting people, women who prefer women especially. I mean, through my best friend who's way more social then me I've met girls who call themself bi, but all they seem to talk about is men, only ever comment on cute boys, and when you try to talk about women the way they talk about men, they go all awkward. I feel so left out.
 
Yeah, I am attracted to women, but a late bloomer in that department. My boyfriend is open to me being with women, he encourages me to do what I feel, but I am too shy and I dont know where to start... I wonder if I will ever act on my desires...
 
Canary said:
Well... Thanks for making this thread, it's nice to see someone bringing it up. I'm a bi girl, and more then anything I want a girlfriend, and one day hopefully a wife. But I have a hard time meeting people, women who prefer women especially. I mean, through my best friend who's way more social then me I've met girls who call themself bi, but all they seem to talk about is men, only ever comment on cute boys, and when you try to talk about women the way they talk about men, they go all awkward. I feel so left out.

Welcome to the club, Canary! Hopefully you'll find some support here! :) I know how hard it can be to date, having never been successful myself. Here's hoping for the best (whatever that is)...

nowhereman said:
Yeah, I am attracted to women, but a late bloomer in that department. My boyfriend is open to me being with women, he encourages me to do what I feel, but I am too shy and I dont know where to start... I wonder if I will ever act on my desires...

I kind of understand how you feel, nowhereman (I assume you're a male in a relationship with another male but curious about interactions with females--correct me if I'm wrong). Not sure exactly what I can say because my win record in the dating department is a big goose egg. I don't like giving people platitudes because they aren't helpful and they are very infuriating, so instead I'll just wish you luck. Hopefully you're brave enough, and resolved enough to explore your interests.
 
NormalishGayGuy said:
Let's see if we can't get back on track here. Calling all LGBTs! Post here!! :)

Hey NormalishGayGuy,

Being gay is like livin in hell 365 days of the year.
I'm out to family and friends but neither care or give a **** bout what happens to me.
I've been suicidal since my teens and always gave myself till the age of 32 (Marilyn Monroes age when she died.....coz as cliched as it may seem she was my idol growin up....and no I'm not effeminate....its just a gay thing)
I was in a 7yr relationship which ended coz my bf fell out of love with me.
It doesnt help that I'm in Bombay, India (we're way behind the rest of the world socially)
I nearly had a nervous break down when we broke up and was on anti-depressants. The saddest part is my ex thought i was tryin to be melodramatic and make him look like a bad guy by almost havin a nervous breakdown (coz friends heard about it).
I'm at a point of my life where I dunno whats gonna happen next.
I took all my life savings last year and invested in a top notch hairstyling course only to realize I wasn't cut out be one. And now I'm broke!
I've finally got a job but here too I'm havin problems.....i don't think i can take the stress of this job anymore.
I've been single for over 2yrs now and I cry every other day coz I feel lonely as hell and just want someone to hug me.I'm so desperate for companionship that I got myself a dog (which doesnt help at all)
I'm gonna have to move out of the place I'm in (have lived here for years) and the mere thought of movin to a new locality with a new roomie scares me like hell .
I always wanted to publish a book about my life.
I think I have a story to tell that others would love to hear and hopefully get sumthin out of......i don't think i'll live till then.
Life's miserable and the only way is killin myself.Am confused how to though. Want it to be dignified but whenever the thought comes I usually just want to slash my wrists with a knife from the kitchen and bleed to death .... when my roomie is out....coz he'd be traumatized by the sight.
I always thought that when i would become an adult that I'd be able to do so many things in life and find someone who would be with me for life.
Little did I know!
And to the ones that say "things get better".... THEY DONT!!!!
I keep wonderin what my purpose in life is and haven't been able to come to any conclusion.
Have tried datin websites and every other source possible but hav never been lucky enough to find "The one". I'm cute (so i've been told), well dressed, well spoken and an all around nice guy but for some strange reason everyone just wants to go to bed with me. No one's interested in a relationship. Once bitten twice shy is the famous sayin but trust me if I'd get a penny for all the times I've been dealt a bad hand, I'd be a millionaire!
Life can't get any worse!
I know that most other gay guys I know find it difficult to get into a relationship here in Bombay but that doesn't do much for me either.
Just wanna settle down and have a caring guy I can come home to.
Is that too much to ask?!
I had registered as a member a long time ago and just remembered that I had and since I was feelin suicidal thought I'd write something to make sense of everything thats happenin.
Hope you'll have a great day :)

The Light.
"There is a light above my head"
 
Is there any way you could immigrate to Canada? They are more Gay-friendly there I think. o_o
 
*hugs the light 17*

well no one wants a relationship or relations of any kind with me except for straight men
*sighs*

You don't know the future you never know what can happengood or bad
Don't give up yet

*hugs*

:)
 
evanescencefan91 said:
*hugs the light 17*

well no one wants a relationship or relations of any kind with me except for straight men
*sighs*

You don't know the future you never know what can happengood or bad
Don't give up yet

*hugs*

:)

Thanx :) I feel a lil bit optimistic hearin u say that .....if only wishes were horses. I'd have learnt riding after I learnt to crawl :(
Wanna trade places?
Lol!

 
Badjedidude said:
Pretty hard.

Because I'm straight.

lol

Ditto :D

I will say i do get a lot of male attention, not from guys who are gay.
But from a lot of closeted homosexuals. Really don't know what's that about. Had some dude masturbating to me at the local gym.
And believe you me I'm by no means hot.
i think he was a deviant of some kind. Some escaped serial rapist.

but I digress
 

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