Life is a scary game, but i'm playing.

[NoHopeFound]

(Hey guys I wrote this on a notepad, so I'm copying and pasting it on to here, would just like someone to listen ya know!)

Have you ever heard the saying "If you fall off of a horse, dust yourself off, and climb back on!" I'm sure you have atleast heard one variation of the saying. Well, I am not talking about horses, but... what do you do when you keep falling down and your tired? I am tired... I feel like there has been a lot of things in my life that should have happened but did not. I feel so out of place like I don't fit in or I don't belong with anyone, even with my own family sometimes, and if some of them... one of them in particular was not around, I sure as hell wouldn't be. To be honest I have no idea what the hell is the matter with me, I try really hard to look my best everyday, I'm physically fit and I have a good attitude (on the surface anyway.) I feel that I am ugly and it somehow gets proven to me that I am every so often, but there is somethings about yourself you just can't change. I'm lonely, I've never been in love, and its getting a little late in the game for me to say that. I sure as hell have tried... every person I've tried to date or have a relationship with, I talk with them for awhile, exchange phone numbers then eventually hang out. And almost everytime we will hang out once and usually only one time, and either they won't like me and I will never hear from them again, or slowly I will start to realize they have no interest in me.. I've never dated anyone more then 3 times.. and I say again, I do not know what the fresia is the matter with me.. its not like anyone tells me.. this has led me to not only feel depressed.. but also hate myself. I hate myself so bad to the point where I am in the bathroom and I won't even look at myself, and when I do I look and say "Who am I? And where is the real me?" Because this ain't me.. I have a hard time watching other people in love, its a peculiar feeling to me really. I can feel my insides falling apart and I feel like throwing up. If I could just meet someone for me... I don't know if it would fix all my problems, but it would really help, but unfortunately its the one thing in my life that I want... my ultimate goal. But its the one thing I can't have, and its only getting worse and worse. It's like someone is teasing me... torturing me. I don't have the confidence anymore to even try.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm cursed, or maybe I'm paying for my sins in a past life... yes my life could be a whole lot worse, but I feel like I am in my own personal little hell, and I have to live in it every single day.
But I digress; I'm a normal young straight male in my early 20s on the outside I'm a very nice and friendly person who seems happy.

 

[I'm Fine]

Sometimes it can help to talk about it. I strongly suspect that there are several people here who have, at least some time in their lives, felt as you do now. There's certainly at least one - me. I'll listen, if you want to talk.

Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I've heard that horse quote before but one of mine is from Batman Begins when Thomas is carrying Bruce back in after he fell down the Well, "And why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up." No matter how tired you get of falling you have to keep picking yourself back up and push on. I agree with I'm Fine, you need to find someone to talk to. Kind of been in the same place you are at one point, I felt like I had no one I could talk to. The only support I got from my mother was to "snap out of it". I was depressed and just hated life. One day I decided I no longer wanted to feel that way. I started to try to look on the bright side of things, forget about all the hate and anger I hand and just push forward, just let go of it all. It's all up to you, YOU have to make changes in yourself and be honest with yourself in doing so. It isn't easy but if you really want to you can do it.

 

[NoHopeFound]

Yeah I know its all on me, its just I never found the right tools for the job ya know, and now I'm at a point in my life where I don't know where to turn. I can't afford a psychologist or nothin like that and I really don't have anyone to talk to ya know

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Theres a lot of resources n informations available to you on line today.
Theres support groups you can attend. If you want help..theres help.

Try researching on "Negative inner voice".
It helped me to have a better inner dialog within myself.

The sedona methdoe helped me alot in just "LETTING GO" of whatever negative thoughts N
emotions that was wieghthing me down.
Its easy if we wish to make it easy....

Maybe the concept of an inner child might help you.
Its about not beating up on our souls. The innocent child within all of us.
If you had children or rasied children before...you might grasp it quicker.
I love my children unconditionally...

negative takes away..positive adds.

I just try to focus on positive things..stay positive as best I can.
keep it simple..take it oneday @ a time.
Be grateful for what I have.
Love N be loved

 

[I'm Fine]

Yeah I know its all on me, its just I never found the right tools for the job ya know, and now I'm at a point in my life where I don't know where to turn. I can't afford a psychologist or nothin like that and I really don't have anyone to talk to ya know

I can't speak for anyone else here but you can always talk to me (PM would probably be best). I suspect there are others here that would say the same.