Life = Nightmare ?

[Solitary of the fall]

Everyday I wake up in a nightmare. Everyday I'm isolated. Everyday I eat alone, Everyday I have no one to talk to. Every time I try to talk to somebody they just say one or two words then leave to talk to somebody else. Everyday I feel the judgement of others. Everyday I hear people laughing about something I do (or say) or just because I'm alone (this is not in my head, this is facts). I never did anything to them and they enjoy themselves laughing at the miserable guy. Everyday I come home and punch myself because I am angry and feel this powerful rage that I can't hold back. I can't unleash it in front of anybody or I will have problems. Everyday I have panic attacks. Everyday I struggle and nobody cares. Humans are monsters and I'm slowly becoming one.
I'm sorry, I just wanted to say this somewhere.

 

[Jently]

So sorry to read that you're feeling this way. Have you spoken to a professional and explained how you feel so that perhaps they can offer you some help? There are quite a few medications available but also talking therapy might be helpful.
It's good that you vented here and I hope you get some help soon.

 

[Solitary of the fall]

I never spoke to a professional. I can't afford one neither my father nor my mother can.
I think that I just have to endure.

 

[constant stranger]

You seem to be in a pretty bad way Solitary....words like nightmare and monsters are kind of strong. Please do not be heading toward a crisis. I'd like to hear more from you, ranting on this site is better than merely enduring. Wherever you live, is there some kind of free counseling available? Crisis intervention? Maybe a parish priest or minister? An uncle or neighbor or somebody who isn't too judgmental or laughing at you? Really.....there are decent people everywhere, try and look for some, without too much preconceptions on your part about how awful they'll be to you. Give someone a chance. It might work........

 

[lonelyfairy]

I'm sorry. *hugs* It's completely fine to vent all those feelings out. There are many people here who can sympathize with you.

 

[JHK]

I read this earlier - Scooby Doo taught us that humans are the real monsters.

It's true. We are, overall, a manipulating selfish evil species. Sad but true. I've experianced and seen the horrors which we willingily inflict on others. The nicest people I have met have been those who have lost it all because only when you know true dispair is it hard to inflict it on someone.

I watched someone the other day destroy something that was left by his mother who passed four years earlier. And I know it's not quite the same but I couldn't help but think of how little we mean.
I don't really know what it is like but I'm pretty sure if I had parents that cared and they died, I'd hold onto what I could for all I'm worth.
But what is a life worth? We are so easy to throw away and disregard, it's frightening. And sad.

It's hard trying to find... Faith? Hope? ... in a world like that.
It's hard to try and find yourself as worthy when to the world you're nothing.