kitteneater
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- Joined
- Feb 7, 2009
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I live in a small southern town of strange hicks. When they aren't waving that dixie flag, they're bashing Obama's blackness or Pelosi's womanliness. Most kids my age, 16, don't really think; they only repeat, and watch the MTVs. I don't care much for TV and I hardly get on the internet for things not school related. I just felt oh-so compelled to write an introduction to myself as a person. And as a person, I am lonely.
I am lonely because I isolate myself form the vast amount of stupidity that has somehow survived evolution. Does that make me an *******? I don't know, but I don't give a ****. I don't see the point in spending time with people I hate. Yes, people can be nice and still be dull. But my idea of having fun is writing or discussing philosophy or making music. Why would I possibly want to discuss a celebrity's love life? They're just people. Just like you or me. Then again, what I fancy won't be what you fancy. I suppose I am tickeled by things most are not. Agh, my downfall.
I try to get out there and be with people. Just today I went to the movies. Coralen, I think it was? But yes, I went with some guy. And he was a talker. The type that doesn't Enjoy the Silence. He has this need to constantly fill in quiet. When things go still he pipes in "Woah, things got quiet. Awkward..." I think that is my number one pet peeve among my peers- this strange fascination with the word "Awkward." I hear it a lot. It's not awkward. You just can't handle it. I'm not that loquacious, though. And pretending to be interested in something you are not makes me feel awkward. My contradictions hath no bounds.
I get so pissed off all the time at the "adult" friends I try to make. They find me intriguing and sweet at first, but when I completely prove them wrong in a discussion, they dismiss what I say because I am "young." Well, young I may be, but dumb I am not. Experienced? No. Intelligent enough to learn from history and make conclusions? Yes. But that's a horse of a different color.
I get sad, because I'd love to meet a friend. A true friend. I'm a very intimate person. I don't see the point in making friends that you don't care for. Today's definition of friend,according to my observations in high school, is...meeting someone once, and perhaps learning his or her name. I don't know. Friendship means so much more to me. I don't have any friends, really. A friend is honest. A friend is caring. A friend looks you in the eye. It's so hard to find people. So ******* hard. And I get incredibly overwhelmed, at myself, and others. Why am I so judgmental? Why can't I just be with someone? Why can't my peers simply wake up? I know judging is my problem. that I'm contributing to the loneliness. And I fully admit I am afraid of rejection and of being let down. People tell me college will be different. It's hard for me to believe that the general thought-process of my generation will change so radically within the span of a year.
I'd like a boyfriend. How dreamy it would be. How nice to hold a boy's hand. In a complete and syrupy silence. I scream and cry just thinking of the idea of love. I'm very excited about meeting him. I know each day of loneliness is one closer to having a soul mate. Lonely. Why yes, I am. XP
This is really long. Sorry. I want just aventin' away...
I am lonely because I isolate myself form the vast amount of stupidity that has somehow survived evolution. Does that make me an *******? I don't know, but I don't give a ****. I don't see the point in spending time with people I hate. Yes, people can be nice and still be dull. But my idea of having fun is writing or discussing philosophy or making music. Why would I possibly want to discuss a celebrity's love life? They're just people. Just like you or me. Then again, what I fancy won't be what you fancy. I suppose I am tickeled by things most are not. Agh, my downfall.
I try to get out there and be with people. Just today I went to the movies. Coralen, I think it was? But yes, I went with some guy. And he was a talker. The type that doesn't Enjoy the Silence. He has this need to constantly fill in quiet. When things go still he pipes in "Woah, things got quiet. Awkward..." I think that is my number one pet peeve among my peers- this strange fascination with the word "Awkward." I hear it a lot. It's not awkward. You just can't handle it. I'm not that loquacious, though. And pretending to be interested in something you are not makes me feel awkward. My contradictions hath no bounds.
I get so pissed off all the time at the "adult" friends I try to make. They find me intriguing and sweet at first, but when I completely prove them wrong in a discussion, they dismiss what I say because I am "young." Well, young I may be, but dumb I am not. Experienced? No. Intelligent enough to learn from history and make conclusions? Yes. But that's a horse of a different color.
I get sad, because I'd love to meet a friend. A true friend. I'm a very intimate person. I don't see the point in making friends that you don't care for. Today's definition of friend,according to my observations in high school, is...meeting someone once, and perhaps learning his or her name. I don't know. Friendship means so much more to me. I don't have any friends, really. A friend is honest. A friend is caring. A friend looks you in the eye. It's so hard to find people. So ******* hard. And I get incredibly overwhelmed, at myself, and others. Why am I so judgmental? Why can't I just be with someone? Why can't my peers simply wake up? I know judging is my problem. that I'm contributing to the loneliness. And I fully admit I am afraid of rejection and of being let down. People tell me college will be different. It's hard for me to believe that the general thought-process of my generation will change so radically within the span of a year.
I'd like a boyfriend. How dreamy it would be. How nice to hold a boy's hand. In a complete and syrupy silence. I scream and cry just thinking of the idea of love. I'm very excited about meeting him. I know each day of loneliness is one closer to having a soul mate. Lonely. Why yes, I am. XP
This is really long. Sorry. I want just aventin' away...