Life of a teenaged nothing

[kitteneater]

I live in a small southern town of strange hicks. When they aren't waving that dixie flag, they're bashing Obama's blackness or Pelosi's womanliness. Most kids my age, 16, don't really think; they only repeat, and watch the MTVs. I don't care much for TV and I hardly get on the internet for things not school related. I just felt oh-so compelled to write an introduction to myself as a person. And as a person, I am lonely.

I am lonely because I isolate myself form the vast amount of stupidity that has somehow survived evolution. Does that make me an *******? I don't know, but I don't give a ****. I don't see the point in spending time with people I hate. Yes, people can be nice and still be dull. But my idea of having fun is writing or discussing philosophy or making music. Why would I possibly want to discuss a celebrity's love life? They're just people. Just like you or me. Then again, what I fancy won't be what you fancy. I suppose I am tickeled by things most are not. Agh, my downfall.

I try to get out there and be with people. Just today I went to the movies. Coralen, I think it was? But yes, I went with some guy. And he was a talker. The type that doesn't Enjoy the Silence. He has this need to constantly fill in quiet. When things go still he pipes in "Woah, things got quiet. Awkward..." I think that is my number one pet peeve among my peers- this strange fascination with the word "Awkward." I hear it a lot. It's not awkward. You just can't handle it. I'm not that loquacious, though. And pretending to be interested in something you are not makes me feel awkward. My contradictions hath no bounds.

I get so pissed off all the time at the "adult" friends I try to make. They find me intriguing and sweet at first, but when I completely prove them wrong in a discussion, they dismiss what I say because I am "young." Well, young I may be, but dumb I am not. Experienced? No. Intelligent enough to learn from history and make conclusions? Yes. But that's a horse of a different color.

I get sad, because I'd love to meet a friend. A true friend. I'm a very intimate person. I don't see the point in making friends that you don't care for. Today's definition of friend,according to my observations in high school, is...meeting someone once, and perhaps learning his or her name. I don't know. Friendship means so much more to me. I don't have any friends, really. A friend is honest. A friend is caring. A friend looks you in the eye. It's so hard to find people. So ******* hard. And I get incredibly overwhelmed, at myself, and others. Why am I so judgmental? Why can't I just be with someone? Why can't my peers simply wake up? I know judging is my problem. that I'm contributing to the loneliness. And I fully admit I am afraid of rejection and of being let down. People tell me college will be different. It's hard for me to believe that the general thought-process of my generation will change so radically within the span of a year.

I'd like a boyfriend. How dreamy it would be. How nice to hold a boy's hand. In a complete and syrupy silence. I scream and cry just thinking of the idea of love. I'm very excited about meeting him. I know each day of loneliness is one closer to having a soul mate. Lonely. Why yes, I am. XP

This is really long. Sorry. I want just aventin' away...

 

[evanescencefan91]

hey kitteneater welcome to the forum, i'm sorry i can relate, to having thousands of aquantances, orf facebook friends that never write on my wall. it really pisses me off, for over a year i have lacked an actual defintion of a school friend, see my definition of a friend is someone you hangout with, outside of school and more importantly someon that wants to hang out with you. Sometimes it seems, (especially metnioing facebook) the word friend has lost all meaing.

lol i was kinda thinking about something similar in your intro earlier today, -how to be tolerant of the intolernat, and should we?

but anyways welcome to the forum mate

and ps my avitar taste terrible and has a black belt in kunfu---so don't be getting any ideas

 

[Brahms]

Hello.

I could have written that when I was 16. I live in a small country, where it's very difficult to find critical mass for any worthwhile socialization.

I've always been intrigued by highly intelligent people who could live happily in our society without being complete ********. Did they put up with stupidity? I'm sure they didn't. They seemed to have the capacity of elucidating others, and being motivated by outsmarting others.

Now that I'm in my 20s it's has been way easier. I think that my peers feel silly when confronted by someone who is a little more serious. Now, I've got to say that I was wrong in so many dimensions when I was a naive teenager - I hadn't felt yes the weight of established institutions, and the full implications of human psychology.

I can't even start on the subject of love, because that's how I've felt all my life. It has a simple solution, which is too difficult for me to practice. I think we are looking for perfect friends, which is extremely difficult. It seems safe to say that acquaintances are an pre-condition for true friendship. Even if your acquaintance aren't people you really care about, they will open a lot of doors for you, increasing your range for potential true friends.

I just hope you don't have to wait for ever to meet that special person. It's maddening painful, so please give people a chance.

And believe me, college can be different, if you allow it to be.

 

[Rifle_Eyes]

But my idea of having fun is writing or discussing philosophy or making music. Then again, what I fancy won't be what you fancy. I suppose I am tickeled by things most are not. Agh, my downfall.

Everyone fancies that in college.

 

[kitteneater]

Naive teenager...that certainly makes me feel acknowledge.

 

[SilentThinker]

You reflect your personality in just one post.Nice.

INTJ

By the way,welcome to the forum.

 

[Maisalwithout]

I love your way of writing, not to be weird I'm kind of like this too.
But at one point I just accepted the fact that I can't change people.
From then I just dealt with the loneliness by digging a hole thats deeper,
that doesn't come out so well, you can trust me on that.
No matter how annoying people are, you're gonna have to compromise at one point or another.
Try being a lil more positive when it comes to people's traits, and never take them too seriously.

 

[Solace]

I relate to a lot of what you typed.

I have talked with a lot of kids my age, and i'll go off on some exciting tangent about how I want to travel the world, see amazing artwork, do something important, whatever. "Do you ever feel that way?" I ask. And I get a blank look accompanied with "not really."

So I spend altogether too much time at home, too much time with my parents(whom I love dearly), and too much time alone. I want to get to know people though, to feel comfortable with someone, all of that.

Above all, I am looking for the characters that will make my life worthwhile. And I look around but I don't feel wanted, accepted or understood by anyone.

Welcome to the forum, even though i just joined.

 

[SimizAkri]

Yeah. I find myself contributing to my own loneliness as well, especially by being a walking contradiction.
Reminds me of the Sum 41 song. Haha.

It's weird. I am an open minded and understanding person but the people who surround me, just disgust me.
I dislike being in the presence of former friends and current friends.

I am also (as I'm sure alot of people on this site are) looking for a strong, true bond.

I dont know where I was going with this reply. =0

Even though I joined about an hour ago, welcome =)
I hope this site helps you somewhat.

 

[TheCrow]

I am lonely because I isolate myself form the vast amount of stupidity that has somehow survived evolution. Does that make me an *******? I don't know, but I don't give a ****.

Man do you ever sound like me. It doesn't make you an *******, I am willing to argue the fact that somehow stupidity is favored by evolution. Hell, the intelligent and hard working people in society have revolutionized the way we live, either becoming rich or getting screwed over by bigger fish, and now that life is full of leisure and you only really need to understand how to do your own job (many of which are repetitive and painful) stupid people can go back to being superficial and procreating as fast as they like.

It's a bit odd, I consider myself an intelligent person, so I'm going to use myself as an example although I know that I'm not at all the average smart guy (contradictions!), but I'm not an average guy either, so yeah. Anyway, I find it odd when I hear stories of hooking up over the weekend. Somebody is bragging to me and the only thing I can say is "And you just met her that night....?"

Seriously, I think as a rule the intelligent or just not brain-dead among us recognize the importance of love in a relationship. But because of the reproduction rate of those who are just in it for pleasure, we're becoming a minority in the world. Which means that eventually, none of us will be able to sit in silence with friends.

I will say I am lucky to have friends that I care for and really enjoy hanging out with, but when we're in a hot tub and it gets quiet one always pipes up with "This is pretty awkward..."

No. Damnit. It's not awkward. People are thinking instead of spouting words. That's a good thing.

Anyway, hello and all.

 

[Nyktimos]

Welcome to the forum, Kitteneater.

In some of your post, you seem to indicate a sense of responsibility for your failure to connect with others. You are who you are, and while trying to improve yourself is always good, being untrue to yourself for the sake of being with others is not! It won't make you feel any less lonely to not be yourself. I know this from experience.

I suspect that, as you get a little older, you will find many other people your age catching up with you in their needs and depth of thought.

But I've also discovered, only recently really, that people who seem stupid are sometimes just not good at articulating their thoughts, and feel intimidated when someone engages them at that level.

In addition, people who I know are intelligent, thinking people have somehow come to the most ignorant, shortsighted and self-serving opinions.

So, it's not as simple as looking for 'clever' people. It's more about finding someone who suits your needs. In the meantime the people here are always welcoming and really quite tolerant when you need to have a rant.