Lifelong loneliness - it must be me

[Alive42]

all my life I have felt lonely. Now, my life is better than it has EVER - EVER been and still I am lonely. I have a crappy extended family, great kids and a crappy husband - good job (but boring) and no real close friends. I just don't have the skill to bring people close. I keep my marriage because it is better than nothing - he's not mean or anything - we just grew in different directions. I feel like I'm babbling, but I get tired of asking myself over and over again - how do I now feel lonely - ugh!@#@#. Any ideas would be great

 

[heretostay]

same here. when i met my H i thought it meant i wouldnt feel lonely anymore, but no such luck. ive just concluded that i will always feel lonely to different degrees. the only times i dont feel too lonely is when i get obsessed with my hobbies. but even then, when i have a moment to sit and think, i realize that im very lonely. its not bad, though. its just a moment and it passes. i have too many other things to think about. i think its just the way it is.

 

[Alive42]

same here. when i met my H i thought it meant i wouldnt feel lonely anymore, but no such luck. ive just concluded that i will always feel lonely to different degrees. the only times i dont feel too lonely is when i get obsessed with my hobbies. but even then, when i have a moment to sit and think, i realize that im very lonely. its not bad, though. its just a moment and it passes. i have too many other things to think about. i think its just the way it is.

thanks - as sad as that is - it's great to not be alone with these same thoughts. What hobbies do you do?

 

[heretostay]

Im kind of a nerd i guess so my hobbies are reading, learning languages (biblical hebrew currently), forums, and fitness. I find biblical hebrew really fascinating and i want to learn Koine Greek next. my goal is to be able to read the bible that way. how cool would that be. do you have any hobbies you really enjoy?

 

[Alive42]

Im kind of a nerd i guess so my hobbies are reading, learning languages (biblical hebrew currently), forums, and fitness. I find biblical hebrew really fascinating and i want to learn Koine Greek next. my goal is to be able to read the bible that way. how cool would that be. do you have any hobbies you really enjoy?

How funny - i just posted under misc - spirituality discussion. Anyway, I have hobbies (crafts, outdoor stuff snowshoing, skiing, gardening. I get bored really easy so I tend to try a lot of things, but perfect none. I love to read also - this winter has taken care of a great many books and lost weekends, i'm not very academic but I do love to learn - fitness is my big thing right now - if you can try jazzercise

 

[heretostay]

ah ive heard of jazzercise but never tried it myself. i usually just do a video and go for a run with my dog.

i used to get bored really easily, too. then i stopped watching tv. i havent had a tv in two years. its amazing but now i can actually sit in a room, in dead quite, for hours and do absolutely nothing and i dont get bored. meditation is also great for helping with focus. I was also reading about ways to train your brain to focus so i googled it and started a free membership on this website: http://www.lumosity.com/ the games are fun and supposedly help one to focus more.

the article i was reading (about training ones brain to focus), forget where it is now, but it was talking about training people with anxiety and depression. the treatments consisted of getting the subjects to focus on the good things with computer games and word association games. the simulations were just as effective, if not more so, then medications at getting rid of symptoms of anxiety and depression. I thought that was really interesting. ive always been more of a cognitive behaviorist when it comes to treating my own depression.

 

[jjam]

So, you'd rather be with someone you describe as "crappy" than to be single, but looking for someone you'd like?

 

[Alive42]

So, you'd rather be with someone you describe as "crappy" than to be single, but looking for someone you'd like?

From my history my kids come first so ya - I will be staying. I am not looking for an affair - I am looking for someone to talk to and do things with who is where I am at. This person can be male or female.

 

[one lonely guy]

all my life I have felt lonely.

As have I.
But I'm still not resigned to it, because I get brief bouts of non-loneliness that inspire me to look for more. It's almost like love - you get addicted to that feeling. The problem is the interminable gaps between these episodes.

Now, my life is better than it has EVER - EVER been and still I am lonely.

Yep. In some ways same here. I have freedoms I've never had before - don't need to work, nice apartment, car, some travel, most things I need - but loneliness is still overwhelming.

I have a crappy extended family, great kids and a crappy husband - good job (but boring) and no real close friends.

I have no immediate family (all dead), an effectively non-existent extended family (who pretend I don't exist), no kids nor spouse (but for the last 2 I'm ok with that).

I feel like I'm babbling, but I get tired of asking myself over and over again - how do I now feel lonely - ugh!@#@#. Any ideas would be great

I babble all the time about this subject.
My only suggestion for connecting meaningfully with people is to join special-interest/activity groups/clubs. Admittedly I've had limited success getting things going friendship-wise with people there, but at least I'm not so lonely while I'm there doing stuff. (I think I'll start a thread on that shortly.)

hang in there
olg