Literature suggestions

[Anhedoni]

Hi,

I'm trying to understand the phenomenon loneliness, what it does to a person, and the social consequences it brings (sorry for eventual spelling mishaps, this is my second language).

Do you have any reading tips? Essays, books, novels, news paper articles, feature texts? Or even a documentary on the subject?

Needless to say: I, too, am lonely. And I don't know why. I don't think I've chosen it, at least not actively; but friends have never returned my calls, and after a while, they all seem to grow tired of me.

Guess I'm luckier than many others out there, since I'm married, and have a parents and siblings I sometimes keep in touch with (they live three worlds away, though). But I still feel worthless.

Since I've decided to consider myself a lone wolf, everything seems a bit easier though ... I no longer actively pursuit friendships or contacts. Guess I'll have to pay for that negligence later on, with my physical and psychological health.

Anyway, that's slightly off topic What I really want is your recommendations about literature.

 

[dd11]

In past times, living life in more solitary pursuits was not viewed as anything wrong. People used to have a lot of solitary hobbies,like wood working or spending a lot of time outdoors, etc. Nobody thought anything of that. Now with social media, it seems that we expect to have throngs of people around us all the time and that somehow if we dont', there is something wrong with us. And, there are people that do seem to have throngs around them, but that isn't everyone. It just appears that way because of social media. So, I guess my advice is to find some interests to pursue with passion that you can enjoy and really throw yourself into life and forget how many friends you can collect on Facebook, etc. Life is best lived in passionate pursuits, in my opinion. I know that is kind of off topic too, but when i stopped focusing so much on that, and really focused on living MY life, a lot of other things fell into place. I now and find life to be a lot more fun.

As for books, I really enjoyed reading Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan. It is a religious themed book so that may or may not be your thing. And, it is written in very old language so have a dictionary handy because it is kind of challenge. But, it is the story of a man going through life and the challenges and difficulties. It is very thought provoking. There is one passage where "Christian" is going on his journey and trips and falls into a mud pit. There is another man in the mud pit lying there. Christian lies there for awhile. And, then simply gets up and washes off and continues his journey. The other man will simply not get up. And, despite prodding from Christian, he chooses to remain in the mud pit. I thought that was a very poignant picture of life. We think that we should never fall in the mud in the first place. But, we do. So, then what do we do? Do we continue to lay there or do we accept that as part of life and then get up, get a shower and move on. A good read.

 

[Anhedoni]

In past times, living life in more solitary pursuits was not viewed as anything wrong. People used to have a lot of solitary hobbies,like wood working or spending a lot of time outdoors, etc. Nobody thought anything of that. Now with social media, it seems that we expect to have throngs of people around us all the time and that somehow if we dont', there is something wrong with us. And, there are people that do seem to have throngs around them, but that isn't everyone. It just appears that way because of social media. So, I guess my advice is to find some interests to pursue with passion that you can enjoy and really throw yourself into life and forget how many friends you can collect on Facebook, etc. Life is best lived in passionate pursuits, in my opinion. I know that is kind of off topic too, but when i stopped focusing so much on that, and really focused on living MY life, a lot of other things fell into place. I now and find life to be a lot more fun.

As for books, I really enjoyed reading Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan. It is a religious themed book so that may or may not be your thing. And, it is written in very old language so have a dictionary handy because it is kind of challenge. But, it is the story of a man going through life and the challenges and difficulties. It is very thought provoking. There is one passage where "Christian" is going on his journey and trips and falls into a mud pit. There is another man in the mud pit lying there. Christian lies there for awhile. And, then simply gets up and washes off and continues his journey. The other man will simply not get up. And, despite prodding from Christian, he chooses to remain in the mud pit. I thought that was a very poignant picture of life. We think that we should never fall in the mud in the first place. But, we do. So, then what do we do? Do we continue to lay there or do we accept that as part of life and then get up, get a shower and move on. A good read.

It's an interesting perspective, but not completely valid, at least not in every case.

That people who chose a solitary life style unjustly are being looked down upon, I have no doubt about. But that is a somewhat different question. Sure, you can find dignity and value in a lonely life - but many seem to want companionship, and feel sad when they are unable to find it.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, that there are lonely people, and there are lonely people. Some desperately so, others proudly so.

Thanks for the book tip! I will definitely look it up.

 

[nondescript]

It seems you are asking about academic/self help books?

I tried a few of them from the library/amazon but the tone didn't appeal to me. I can't remember the authors names now.

An author called Emily White wrote a biography on loneliness which was interesting but didn't have any meaningful impact on me.

A book I really want to be useful is called "Six Pillars of Self Esteem" but again I found it difficult to into.

Sorry I can't recommend anything that was useful!

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Another one I just remembered is called "Loneliness Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection"

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Another one I just remembered is called "Loneliness Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection"

 

[Anhedoni]

It seems you are asking about academic/self help books?

I tried a few of them from the library/amazon but the tone didn't appeal to me. I can't remember the authors names now.

An author called Emily White wrote a biography on loneliness which was interesting but didn't have any meaningful impact on me.

A book I really want to be useful is called "Six Pillars of Self Esteem" but again I found it difficult to into.

Sorry I can't recommend anything that was useful!

---

Another one I just remembered is called "Loneliness Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection"

---

Another one I just remembered is called "Loneliness Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection"

---

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Thanks! I've ordered the kindle copy of Emily White's book.

That last one seems very enlightening.

 

[DenverDave]

John T. Cacioppo is one of the leading "experts" on loneliness. Do a search and you'll find a lot of information and some videos.