Sam_Wright_1988
Member
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2011
- Messages
- 19
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Hey,
I have an odd problem, even though I wouldn't call it a problem: I am pretty lonely. I have good friends, but I can go without social contact for months.
It's not really a problem because I don't feel like it is, and being lonely runs in my family, we all spend a lot of time on our own and that's it.
Thing is, I know now that I am missing out on a lot of great things. And I haven't had a girlfriend in quite some time (that's the hardest part). The funny thing is, it doesn't look like I have a serious problem: I can be outgoing if I need to be and according to my (female) friends I am cute, funny and intelligent. In fact, I am pretty happy. And it's true, I do feel like I am an interesting person when I am socializing, it's not like people treat me like a weirdo. When I meet new people they're extremely positive and appreciate my presence (at least, that's what I am told afterwards, whether I like to join them next time . One of my friends is absolutely puzzled by my loneliness (just like I am), I have absolutely no reason to be lonely any longer. There's no reason either why I don't have a girlfriend, though I am hard to get to. Aside from that, I usually don't care what people think about me and just go about my daily business.
So, I can't quite put my finger on it: I am just lonely and most of the time I don't care. This means, though, that I hardly ever visit parties or organize social stuff myself. I feel like I am missing something and- today for instance -I feel terrible because I realize I need to be more social!
I suspect I do have a deep-seated problem, during my childhood I was bullied a lot and this continued as I grew older. My mom is a classic borderline personality and can be extremely demanding, she has always been unpredictable (socially) and I still feel like I can't trust people, even though I no longer have any reason to. At the moment, I feel like I know myself, can take care of myself and have no social troubles whatsoever. Unfortunately, I choose to be lonely!
When I entered college things changed rapidly, suddenly I made a lot of friends and went out a lot. I discovered I really wasn't a terrible person after all (like my mom always told me). In fact, I felt great! But I still have a hard time accepting this: how can I be this guy? How could anyone ever love me? And why is everything going so well?
Before I knew it, I subconsciously sabotaged my own life and still do. I feel somewhere, deep down inside, I am not allowed to be happy, or that someone can love me. This is probably the reason why I spend a lot of time on my own, and justify that behaviour!
Does this sound familiar? Being told you are a terrible person, then discovering that what your mom told you is utter nonsense, but still you're unable to change old habits? Unable to embrace your positive side?
And yes I am happy, but not as much as I could be.
I want to change, I don't know how to. I want to go out there and live my life!
Sam
I have an odd problem, even though I wouldn't call it a problem: I am pretty lonely. I have good friends, but I can go without social contact for months.
It's not really a problem because I don't feel like it is, and being lonely runs in my family, we all spend a lot of time on our own and that's it.
Thing is, I know now that I am missing out on a lot of great things. And I haven't had a girlfriend in quite some time (that's the hardest part). The funny thing is, it doesn't look like I have a serious problem: I can be outgoing if I need to be and according to my (female) friends I am cute, funny and intelligent. In fact, I am pretty happy. And it's true, I do feel like I am an interesting person when I am socializing, it's not like people treat me like a weirdo. When I meet new people they're extremely positive and appreciate my presence (at least, that's what I am told afterwards, whether I like to join them next time . One of my friends is absolutely puzzled by my loneliness (just like I am), I have absolutely no reason to be lonely any longer. There's no reason either why I don't have a girlfriend, though I am hard to get to. Aside from that, I usually don't care what people think about me and just go about my daily business.
So, I can't quite put my finger on it: I am just lonely and most of the time I don't care. This means, though, that I hardly ever visit parties or organize social stuff myself. I feel like I am missing something and- today for instance -I feel terrible because I realize I need to be more social!
I suspect I do have a deep-seated problem, during my childhood I was bullied a lot and this continued as I grew older. My mom is a classic borderline personality and can be extremely demanding, she has always been unpredictable (socially) and I still feel like I can't trust people, even though I no longer have any reason to. At the moment, I feel like I know myself, can take care of myself and have no social troubles whatsoever. Unfortunately, I choose to be lonely!
When I entered college things changed rapidly, suddenly I made a lot of friends and went out a lot. I discovered I really wasn't a terrible person after all (like my mom always told me). In fact, I felt great! But I still have a hard time accepting this: how can I be this guy? How could anyone ever love me? And why is everything going so well?
Before I knew it, I subconsciously sabotaged my own life and still do. I feel somewhere, deep down inside, I am not allowed to be happy, or that someone can love me. This is probably the reason why I spend a lot of time on my own, and justify that behaviour!
Does this sound familiar? Being told you are a terrible person, then discovering that what your mom told you is utter nonsense, but still you're unable to change old habits? Unable to embrace your positive side?
And yes I am happy, but not as much as I could be.
I want to change, I don't know how to. I want to go out there and live my life!
Sam