Lonely and can't fit in - I don't know what to do with my life

[Dream]

Hello everybody

I have a serious loneliness problem..I m attractive well educated and used to be self confident..I feel very lonely but don't feel much like interacting with people for long time..in other words I feel lonely but I don't want to get out of it...I'm afraid i will lose my youth on being locked in my room ... I 'm always very busy working but I get so tired of it..getting in a serious relationship seems very difficult and strenuous to me ... I can't trust I'll be fine with a man and afraid he would control me...I'm also not the kind of girls who can go on a relationship just for fun .. I don't want it and it is culturally unacceptable. ...I can't still say I want friends but I want friends...I really don't know what i want anymore.. I want to be loved and cherished but I can't go for it easily...

Relating to men seems very difficult to me.. What can I do ..it 's been years Im like this and it s not getting any better..I want to have a life and children ..I m afraid of growing alone and lonely...I don't enjoy my life ..what can I do?

 

[PhryskO]

Have you done anything to fix this problem?

Im the same as you.. I have no problems meeting/getting with chicks, I used to enjoy the spotlight, confident and always loved announcing my presence wherever I went. But recently, I've stepped away from that scene and started getting lonely over the years.

I miss those days and practically dont know how I used to be the way I was. I've turned around 360 degrees and the days have become more lonely, sometimes gets to the point of anxiety which I feel like the world is passing me up every second thats wasted.

But if you really think about it its my decision to make, just as yours. I dont know how old you are but, I guess, depending on what you've been through in life there comes a time when your body/mind out grows alot of things in life... in this case, interacting. Maybe you've been through so many relationships that everything else wont ever compare to how things used to be and you're just bored.. waiting for the next big thing to happen to overwhelm all the good things you've been through previously. Maybe you've been through so many broken hearts that deep inside you're afraid to go through those feelings again and feeling that you may never meet "the one" or ever be as good as past relationships.

But relating to anyone first takes the form of communication. Open up, smile, or even join a speed dating site. Things wont fall in your lap and is basically up to you to make what you want your days/weeks to become. But its also up to you to know when you'll be ready for these. Maybe take a vacation to "find" yourself.

Works for me..

 

[Dream]

Hi PhryskO
Thank you for your reply

I'm 33 and I've been to many dating sites but I cannot keep in touch and always find a reason to go away...I had a very bad relationship that I wonder if I can ever call it relationship ...it shook my life beliefs and my own self esteem..that 's been years ago and that was my first ..it seemed that I cannot go over ...I had a 2nd relationship that hasnt worked either ..I'm no longer sure I want a relationship..i feel sometimes that I just want a man as a social matter and to have children ... but i can't do that either..I have deep in me respect for relationships and family values ...Gosh it 's so complex!!

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site, Dream. You should try out our chatroom sometime!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Life is not without pains. Suffering is optional
Everyone is afriad of getting hurted. No one wants to get hurt.
My heart had been torn, ripped and stumpped on a few times.
Relationships drove me up the fucken wall.

Isolating myself from life was too very, very painful. My heart aches. I felt crazy as fresia.
It was a different type of pain. A different type of insanity. Never the less, it was just as devistating.

Pick you're pioson..I suppose. It's kind of like a light bulb moment as I'm writting this.
It's going to hurt oneway or the other...so I might as will follow my hopes and dreams. Live my life as I want to live.

There's 2 types of fear at play.
A fear that will stop me dead in my tracks.
A fear of losing something..that will motivate me to get off of my ass and do something about my life.

fresia it...there's always going to be pains. There's always going to fears. There's always going to be problems.
I can use these things against me or for me.

Not to belive is a belief.
Not making a decision is a chioce.
Not taking a chance is the biggest risk.

I know what i want...

 

[coricopat]

Dating isn't for everyone, and you kind of sound like it isn't for you. That's OK. If you wanna focus on work instead, then do so. There's no rule saying you HAVE to be in a relationship. Maybe try working on friendships only for a while.

And if you do decide you want to be in a relationship someday, it sounds like you have some issues to deal with first. You were vague about your previous relationships, but I get the impression they're something you definitely don't want to go through again. You might want to take some time out to deal with whatever happened before jumping back in to the dating game.

At any rate, it's ok to be uncertain. Don't let your biological clock pressure you into anything you aren't ready for.

 

[Tramp]

Dream, you sound like my ex. Are you my ex?

---

Hi PhryskO
Thank you for your reply

I'm 33 and I've been to many dating sites but I cannot keep in touch and always find a reason to go away...I had a very bad relationship that I wonder if I can ever call it relationship ...it shook my life beliefs and my own self esteem..that 's been years ago and that was my first ..it seemed that I cannot go over ...I had a 2nd relationship that hasnt worked either ..I'm no longer sure I want a relationship..i feel sometimes that I just want a man as a social matter and to have children ... but i can't do that either..I have deep in me respect for relationships and family values ...Gosh it 's so complex!!

Oh my, you're scaring me now. The similarity is uncanny.

Had you not mentioned your age, I would totally have fallen for it.