OK, I think today I would like to share this, maybe someone can relate:
does it ever happen to you to waste your life for various troubles (health, family problems, moving, having to work all the time) so that you end up alone because you just don't have the chance to meet others and are too busy to be a regular friend? For years I was "cleaning up" my life, so to speak, and I tried to deal with the above mentioned problems, and now that since a while that part is fixed, I keep encountering really but really stupid problems, like moving to a house that was too noisy and losing three months of life with lack of sleep (that happened twice actually), and now another problem with another house that also doesn't let me sleep, and I am beginning to see a pattern.
These problems are actually quite tangible, so it's not like I am making them up because my twisted psychology doesn't want me to be happy (it could very well be, but it's not), I am a bit sensitive to environmental conditions, even if I lived in really ugly and bad places, but not THAT much. I always had trouble with noise all my life, on the first year of college I moved 5 times in a year because I couldn't stand the noise other students were so happy with, I lost some other time of my life with back pains because of wrong mattresses, and I would get sick over things (food poisoning, flu, whatever) that other people wouldn't even mind. And it keeps happening, over and over again. Bad luck, or pattern?
I really feel that it is my destiny to be f..... alone, no matter how much I reach out to people or how much effort I put in being forgiving and open to others'q quirks, and convince myself that I am lovable, blabla, because I am completely doomed since birth to not have time or opportunity for affection. I can tell you, I feel really completely down. I wonder if someone else had anything similar, I feel so stupid because life is so precious and wasting one for these BS events, when people have cancer and divorces and just keep on going (ok, I had some of those other events too), and instead all I have to show of my life is that I had a hard time making friends or having a career because I couldn't sleep because of a f.... broken window. (sorry about the f.....)
well, isn't it stupid? I hate myself so much right now, for not being more adaptable, in fact on other things (relationships, culture, work, whatever) I totally am, just give me silence, heating and a good mattress. How stupid is that? And why does it keep happening? Sorry about the rant, feel free to ignore me.
does it ever happen to you to waste your life for various troubles (health, family problems, moving, having to work all the time) so that you end up alone because you just don't have the chance to meet others and are too busy to be a regular friend? For years I was "cleaning up" my life, so to speak, and I tried to deal with the above mentioned problems, and now that since a while that part is fixed, I keep encountering really but really stupid problems, like moving to a house that was too noisy and losing three months of life with lack of sleep (that happened twice actually), and now another problem with another house that also doesn't let me sleep, and I am beginning to see a pattern.
These problems are actually quite tangible, so it's not like I am making them up because my twisted psychology doesn't want me to be happy (it could very well be, but it's not), I am a bit sensitive to environmental conditions, even if I lived in really ugly and bad places, but not THAT much. I always had trouble with noise all my life, on the first year of college I moved 5 times in a year because I couldn't stand the noise other students were so happy with, I lost some other time of my life with back pains because of wrong mattresses, and I would get sick over things (food poisoning, flu, whatever) that other people wouldn't even mind. And it keeps happening, over and over again. Bad luck, or pattern?
I really feel that it is my destiny to be f..... alone, no matter how much I reach out to people or how much effort I put in being forgiving and open to others'q quirks, and convince myself that I am lovable, blabla, because I am completely doomed since birth to not have time or opportunity for affection. I can tell you, I feel really completely down. I wonder if someone else had anything similar, I feel so stupid because life is so precious and wasting one for these BS events, when people have cancer and divorces and just keep on going (ok, I had some of those other events too), and instead all I have to show of my life is that I had a hard time making friends or having a career because I couldn't sleep because of a f.... broken window. (sorry about the f.....)
well, isn't it stupid? I hate myself so much right now, for not being more adaptable, in fact on other things (relationships, culture, work, whatever) I totally am, just give me silence, heating and a good mattress. How stupid is that? And why does it keep happening? Sorry about the rant, feel free to ignore me.
