Lonely Junkie

[eris]

^^ I agree with everything Minus says.

As for me, I dont think anyone has to go to meetings, but I think you would be glad that you did. Also, at every meeting there are wolves. These people still use and...you could imagine. 99% of people are not like that, but of course ******** are everywhere so be extra aware of people that glorify drugs at this point in your recovery.

My cousin could sniff out crack everywhere. He could find dealers on street corners. Where I live there really are drug dealers on the street corners so I can see why it was so easy for him. IF you are still able to get to your dealers it may be best to go somewhere else for a while.

you may want to read the NA book. There are about a dozen or so versions with many differernt stories. And maybe there are meetings online...IDK. good luck

 

[SophiaGrace]

You're going through a lot. You know, when there are presentations in school where they tell you "Just Say NO!" They're not telling you because they want to control your life or are a part of a vast-antidrug/antifun conspiracy. They're telling you because they know drugs make you do bad honeysuckle like steal and go down bad paths in which you lose sense of self. They want to see you succeed instead of becoming homeless or in prison.

Drugs really do make you lose touch with who you actually are. They mask emotions or evoke false ones that wouldn't be there otherwise. They change you from the inside out until you forget who you used to be while sober. The drugs become your sense of self. Which I find creepy because if you don't have yourself, then, what do you have?

It evokes questions of what makes a human being human. It evokes the question of what is the essence of our humaness? I think drugs mess with the "essence" of who we are, and I don't know about you, but the thought of that scares me.

Sure, drugs tend to enhance personality/mental qualities a person has, and for that reason, an underlying mental disorder that wouldnt have come to fruition, might, with the use of illicit substances, develop.

Your life is precious, even if you don't believe it at this moment. I imagine you feel pretty crappy right now because you're trying to abstain from using.

Going to meetings would probably be helpful because you'd meet other ex-addicts there that would know what you are going through better than we do.

I understand change is scary, I'd love to see you improve though and overcome these sets of challenges.

"The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.” - Ben Okri