ohcalidatex
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- Sep 24, 2011
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I am sure there are many on this site that are truly lonely and I don't mean for a moment to discount their loneliness. I am going to share something that has been a personal revelation to me and explains what I think is loneliness at times for me but really is not.
I've been reading an amazing book I highly recommended "Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto" by Anneli Rufus. It is one of those books where I can't help but laugh as she seems to understand me so perfectly. Things I've always thought were "wrong" with me she has helped me see are normal and common to the 20% of the population that are loners. She does a good job of lambasting the medias portrayal of "loners" as deviants or criminals.
The problem for those of us who are loners is that we are in the minority. We are surrounded by nonloners who do not understand us. Theirs are the social norms and they think we just need to be "fixed" and their cure is always the worst thing for us: forced social contact. They think we just need to be around people more and then we will see the light and become nonloners just like them.
People who aren't social or keep to themselves must have something wrong with them the nonloner thinks. They can no more relate to us than we can relate to them except we have the advantage of having to live around so many nonloners that we at least have some understanding of them whereas they have no clue what we are about.
I think sometimes we feel lonely because we are alone and we have been programmed by society (ruled by the nonloners) to think being alone must mean you are lonely. You are only lonely if you truly desire to be around people more and have no opportunity or are too shy. Just make sure you are not feeling lonely because you think you're supposed to want to have a long list of friends and a significant other. Maybe you just like being alone. Even loners have friends and like anyone we have our moments when we wish for something more yet deep down inside we know we are not like others.
One interesting tidbit is that loners often find love with other loners as unlikely as they may sound. I know I fall prey to thinking I need an outgoing woman (to make up for my shyness) when that would not make for a good match. She would suffocate me and I would bore her. Been there - done that. I laughed out loud when I read this quote as it so describes my last marriage:
"Aggressive women sometimes 'go after shy introverted guys' picking them as prime partners precisely because such guys, ... seem easier to manipulate."
Anyhow good read. Just food for thought. It may apply to a few of you.
I've been reading an amazing book I highly recommended "Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto" by Anneli Rufus. It is one of those books where I can't help but laugh as she seems to understand me so perfectly. Things I've always thought were "wrong" with me she has helped me see are normal and common to the 20% of the population that are loners. She does a good job of lambasting the medias portrayal of "loners" as deviants or criminals.
The problem for those of us who are loners is that we are in the minority. We are surrounded by nonloners who do not understand us. Theirs are the social norms and they think we just need to be "fixed" and their cure is always the worst thing for us: forced social contact. They think we just need to be around people more and then we will see the light and become nonloners just like them.
People who aren't social or keep to themselves must have something wrong with them the nonloner thinks. They can no more relate to us than we can relate to them except we have the advantage of having to live around so many nonloners that we at least have some understanding of them whereas they have no clue what we are about.
I think sometimes we feel lonely because we are alone and we have been programmed by society (ruled by the nonloners) to think being alone must mean you are lonely. You are only lonely if you truly desire to be around people more and have no opportunity or are too shy. Just make sure you are not feeling lonely because you think you're supposed to want to have a long list of friends and a significant other. Maybe you just like being alone. Even loners have friends and like anyone we have our moments when we wish for something more yet deep down inside we know we are not like others.
One interesting tidbit is that loners often find love with other loners as unlikely as they may sound. I know I fall prey to thinking I need an outgoing woman (to make up for my shyness) when that would not make for a good match. She would suffocate me and I would bore her. Been there - done that. I laughed out loud when I read this quote as it so describes my last marriage:
"Aggressive women sometimes 'go after shy introverted guys' picking them as prime partners precisely because such guys, ... seem easier to manipulate."
Anyhow good read. Just food for thought. It may apply to a few of you.