Long-distance?

[Woz]

I was wondering if it would work to seek a long-distance relationship to get to know the girl so well that the first meeting will feel more comfortable.

I'm so incredibly shy with girls. Recently I've speaking to a girl who I've only ever walked past and said "hi" to. We've been texting a lot and know a lot about each other, turn out I'm the "male version of her". Quite a connection!

Really not sure what it is but I can't bring myself to meet her. I'm worried I might end up hurting her feelings, or I might just be scared of close-contact. I've noticed lately I always get edgy when someone touches me. Which oddly isn't girls but just my friends putting their arms around me and such.

I haven't had a real relationship and I think I need one. I need commitments and a person who I can rely on to not get annoyed if I fall on them (lol). Getting to know a person slowly before going out with them and building that connection is how I work I think! :rolleyes2:
Would seeking a long-distance relationship be a good choice?

 

[Peaches]

Hi Woz, isn't it possible to know people through chat/text even if they live close to you? Long distance relationships are difficult, and if you really like each other it could be painful for both of you to be distant, don't you think? Apart from that, I understand the fear of having to expose yourself to a stranger, but for personal experience long online conversations never prepare you enough for that first, scary meeting, and that is unavoidable, if you actually want commitment. Also, what about just taking it slow, and going out as friends for a while? cheers

 

[ladyforsaken]

Anything is possible and yes, what Peaches said. Long distance is difficult and painful at the same time.

 

[kamya]

It would probably be ok. Just remember that a lot of someone's personality can change or be different in person, so there is a small chance you could be setting yourself up for disappointment.

It could still work out though if you get lucky.

 

[ThisSideOfTheRainbow]

Woz, from what I know about you from talking with you and reading your posts, you would be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. That decision would be the inverse of what you want to do, and would drive you nuts and send you into deeper depression. Find a girl that lives near you. Start off as friends. Just take it one day at a time. You want a situation that is going to make you comfortable and relaxed. Stop being so rigid and applying such harsh rules to yourself. That's what you're doing brother.

YOU need to be happy. But if you walk around stiff, always contemplating the worse case scenarios, you're going to freeze up and constantly chase your tail. Look man, I know all too well. Been there done that, will most likely do it again at some point. Just go into these things with NO EXPECTATIONS. Be like the leaf on the river. It goes with the flow. Don't be the leaf trying to cling to the rock in the river, thinking it will help him survive and stay afloat. All it will do is thrash him around as the river flows past..........

 

[Tiina63]

I have had some long distance relationships and there are pluses and minuses in the situation.
On one hand, you aren't going to be pressurised into meeting before you feel ready for it. You can get to know each other at a more leisurely pace (insofar as you can get to know someone via email/text/phone). If this would suit you as a person, then give it a try.
Also, the potential number of suitable partners is higher if you are less limited geographically.
The negatives include: you could build up an image of the other which doesn't correspond to the real person.
When meeting, one of you would have to visit the other, and this means you would go from not being together to being thrown together for a short but emotionally intense period with no space to sort out how you really feel about the other person.
If one of you hits a bad time-illness or something-you don't get the chance to see if the other person sticks around and is supportive. It's easy to send supportive emails but not to easy to be there properly for the person.

 

[ladyforsaken]

The negatives include: you could build up an image of the other which doesn't correspond to the real person.
When meeting, one of you would have to visit the other, and this means you would go from not being together to being thrown together for a short but emotionally intense period with no space to sort out how you really feel about the other person.
If one of you hits a bad time-illness or something-you don't get the chance to see if the other person sticks around and is supportive. It's easy to send supportive emails but not to easy to be there properly for the person.

This is true as I've also experienced all those things Tiina said above.

It's a risk to take if you're up for it. Good luck though.

 

[PyramidHead]

If it clicks between the two of you, then this should be no problem. However, it should only be long distance for a short time...
if it gets too long, then your feelings will grow to strong and you won't be able to get satisfied by just writing or talking to each other.

You can make it survive for a while, but you never should make a long distance relationship a solution for longer times... unless you already are deeply in love and one of you needs to work far away to get the money to survive.
But it isn't bad to get to know a girl... however, most girls prefer to meet a guy in person, just saying from experience.

 

[Veruca]

I actually know a couple of people who met their partners online, kept it going for a few years with visits in between and finally one person migrated and it all worked out. Some are married, some in de facto relationships, but they're all doing incredibly well. I think the question of whether it would work or not really just depends on who you meet. If there are deep, strong feelings, and both parties are willing to persevere, then it could definitely work.

But its not easy, that's for sure.

 

[TomTam]

I think it depends on the situation, I know a couple in a long distance relationship, and she/he often flies 18 hrs to meet and spend time together, for sure it's difficult but as I said it depends on your conditions, and if you're able to afford it or move to another place.

 

[Woz]

Woz, from what I know about you from talking with you and reading your posts, you would be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. That decision would be the inverse of what you want to do, and would drive you nuts and send you into deeper depression. Find a girl that lives near you. Start off as friends. Just take it one day at a time. You want a situation that is going to make you comfortable and relaxed. Stop being so rigid and applying such harsh rules to yourself. That's what you're doing brother.

YOU need to be happy. But if you walk around stiff, always contemplating the worse case scenarios, you're going to freeze up and constantly chase your tail. Look man, I know all too well. Been there done that, will most likely do it again at some point. Just go into these things with NO EXPECTATIONS. Be like the leaf on the river. It goes with the flow. Don't be the leaf trying to cling to the rock in the river, thinking it will help him survive and stay afloat. All it will do is thrash him around as the river flows past..........

Wow, cheers for that mate. Really helped me understand a few things. I definitely contemplate the worse case scenarios nearly all the time and this really does hold me back i guess. I feel I am trapped in my mind and i guess I just wait for the moment to just happen rather than decide to set it up myself.
Also "jumping from the frying pan into the flame and being the "floating leaf going with the flow"... Great phrases.

Thanks everyone.

 

[Gutted]

It can work and while some people say long distance relationships are painful and hard, it really depends on the people in the relationship. If you both like your own company and are really very shy, you shouldn't really be bothered too much. Not for a while anyway. You've nothing to lose from trying. You've plenty to gain