Mail Order Brides

[Vic Sage]

For some reason, they fascinate me. I think it started when I saw an episode of Viva La Bam or something, and Bam's friends had gotten a mail order bride for one of his other friends. She seemed so awkward and innocent. She was a tall, attractive blonde clutching a teddy bear who could seemingly only say "marriage" in heavily-accented English.

I saw a documentary show once that I happened to catch. It followed several people in Russia. One was a slightly-nerdy but otherwise normal looking guy in his 30s as he dated an attractive blonde 30-year-old. She didn't end up leaving Russia, so you got the impression that perhaps he used her for sex. Maybe he just didn't feel anything, though, who knows. A real heart-breaking moment came when they interviewed a very attractive 35-year-old brunette who desperately wanted a husband and children and felt that time was running short. She had a professional job and her own apartment.

I guess I always felt if worse ever came to worse, that this could be an option for me. I'm not the worst-looking guy in the world, and I'd probably elect to do this before I became some creepy old man looking to score a desperate-to-get-out 20-year-old who'd just either wait until I died or leave as soon as her own citizenship is approved.

What is everyone's opinions on this? On the one hand, it seems it could be as perfectly valid as meeting someone online, and in a way mail order brides were the original MySpace hookups. On the more cynical, or realist, hand, there's something vaguely creepy about picking people as if from a catalogue, and it seems like a business, a transaction handled by businesspeople between desperate men who can't satisfy American women and desperate women eager to leave a broken empire filled with bitter alcoholics.

 

[lomojojo]

But Hey! If it works for you by all means. Just be aware some people are scammed that way (wait I know you know this already)

 

[Vic Sage]

But Hey! If it works for you by all means. Just be aware some people are scammed that way (wait I know you know this already)

Yeah, it's not so much that I'm looking into it for me. If I was, I'd admit it, because why not? Anonymous forum. I feel, at 28, I still have some years to try something here. And hey, I've been in two monogamous relationships. I've got at least some experience.

But it is something I think about. I hate to say that it appeals to the dark side of my nature, and to most men's dark sides, too. Not that dark. Just the side that's old-fashioned, conservative. Many of the guys that elect to do it seem to be frightened and scared by modern society and changing mores. They're looking for a return of the days of the man being the Man, a wife that's utterly devoted and dependent. Someone who won't judge them for being unappealing in the Western world, where women are fortunate enough (for the most part) to take their pick.

I don't know. You just don't hear that much about the normal twentysomething with normal interests meeting the normal twentysomething with normal interests that happened to live in Russia, South America, etc.

 

[Daan]

I prefer men and women to be equal. I wouldn't want to have a dependent wife. I don't like the extreme picky types though. In my perfect relationship, both me and my wife work and both take care of the kids.

 

[Vic Sage]

I prefer men and women to be equal. I wouldn't want to have a dependent wife. I don't like the extreme picky types though. In my perfect relationship, both me and my wife work and both take care of the kids.

So do I. That's the way it should be. But when you're paying thousands of dollars to ship a human being over here, obviously the Western competitive dating world is not for you.

I'd love to find a forum or website with real feedback, both positive and negative, as I'm sure there's instances of both. The trick is to find the mean average of success.

 

[Daan]

I think it is part of the global competetive dating market. For Russian women you got status, because you live in a developed country. That's why they want you and not someone from Uruguay or Romania.

But, i don't know if there is really competition in the west, when it comes to dating. I like a the French writer Houellebecq, who is too negative, but also has a great many of good ideas. He came with the expression of the world as a supermarket. Critically judging all 'products' and than could be ending up single. That isn't really competition in my view.

 

[lomojojo]

But Hey! If it works for you by all means. Just be aware some people are scammed that way (wait I know you know this already)

Yeah, it's not so much that I'm looking into it for me. If I was, I'd admit it, because why not? Anonymous forum. I feel, at 28, I still have some years to try something here. And hey, I've been in two monogamous relationships. I've got at least some experience.

I know, and I agree, at 28 you have plenty of time to find the right one w/o getting into that.

 

[Ice]

Is there a ponytail - order - site at somewhere?

 

[Vic Sage]

It's still an interesting concept to me. It seems almost quaint and old-fashioned in a way, and thematically perhaps fits in with my interests in things like telegrams, pay phones, handwritten letters and other now outmoded things.

Plus, I am legitimately interested in Eastern Europe, and a lot of people there seem to share a love of metal and low-level depression. So, bingo.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

On the more cynical, or realist, hand, there's something vaguely creepy about picking people as if from a catalogue

^^^Yes, this.

They're looking for a return of the days of the man being the Man, a wife that's utterly devoted and dependent.

I seen no reason whatsoever to go back to those days of subservience, dependency, and second-class citizenship thank you very much.

I prefer men and women to be equal.

I tend to agree, as far as that suits both couples.

But when you're paying thousands of dollars to ship a human being over here, obviously the Western competitive dating world is not for you.

This made me snort-laugh so hard I thought I might choke on my tongue.

Also, there is no reason it has to be "competitive dating." Makes it sound like a full-contact sport.

It's still an interesting concept to me. It seems almost quaint and old-fashioned in a way...

"Quaint and old-fashioned," like women being treated like chattel? I'll pass, thanks.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Why don't you just get blow jobs from an on line sex web site offering sex up the galore.
There's grips of them. This way you can order a different chick every night if you can afford it.
Why in the hell would you want to get tied up to just one chick when you can have a garden full of them.
Why fresia around..if you're going to do something like that. Are you afriad of lost love or what?
No one has to know. 100 years from now it's not going to matter worth beans becuase no one will really care.
honeysuckle...no one gives a fresia oneway or the other the way your life is like now.

 

[tehdreamer]

Mail order brides is just a fancier version of human trafficking. The only difference is that these women agree to it. But I'm sure there's plenty of corrupt agencies as well who have woman there against their wills. After all, where there's large amounts of money to be had, there's always corruption.

I find the whole idea to be creepy. Even if you mange to find a legit agency, you're still paying for a wife... You're paying for someone to marry you, that you don't know, who doesn't love you, who has her own ulterior motives as to why she's doing this.

I don't know. Being someone with trust issues and one who believes in true love, this seems both creepy and sad. It's worse than the idea of arranged marriages.

 

[Badjedidude]

Mail-Order Bride agencies are human trafficking fronts, as tehdreamer mentioned above. Do you think that those women want to be in the system? Those women are owned, plain and simple. They are forced to work for the agency by the mob, and don't let them or their bosses tell you any differently. One of the worst areas for human trafficking/sex trade right now is Eastern/North Europe... and guess where many (if not most) mail order agencies are located?

Coincidence? I think not.

Buying a woman is wrong, even if you wrap it in a nice little label and call it "legal marriage." And buying a woman is exactly what you're doing when you use a mail-order/marriage dating agency.

No joke.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It's creepier to be with someone that you belive turely loves you.
A decade and million dallor later..you still get screwed.
I prefer to be kissed first before I get messed
At least mail in order brides there's no fucken broken promises or fualts hope

 

[tehdreamer]

It's creepier to be with someone that you belive turely loves you.
A decade and million dallor later..you still get screwed.
I prefer to be kissed first before I get messed
At least mail in order brides there's no fucken broken promises or fualts hope

Until they take all your money and run off with someone else and they always have the option of divorce. Mail order brides are human too, so you can get screwed over just as easily by them as any other human being on this planet.

I think if you're going to take the risk of being with someone, they should at least not be someone you paid some company to ship to you.

 

[sunbeam]

I think it is part of the global competetive dating market. For Russian women you got status, because you live in a developed country. That's why they want you and not someone from Uruguay or Romania.

That's pretty interesting what you said. I am from Poland so it's eastern Europe like Russia and I don't think man "status" living in a developed country is a main criterion for choosing a husband here. It's not like all eastern european women dream about prince prince on a white horse from west

 

[Badjedidude]

It's not like all eastern european women dream about prince prince on a white horse from west

I agree. That just happens to be a fantasy of many western men, because we see that so many eastern european women are very, very pretty! lol

 

[Vic Sage]

Wow, this really blew up. Everyone must have gotten off of work.

Life I said, this is somewhat of a morbid fascination of mine. Kind of like the time I went on this website for teen suicides on a day off and read dozens of profiles and tributes to teens that killed themselves. Why? Self-flagellation, I guess.

Largely, the whole thing is vaguely creepy, and I think it's been explored in the media as such. I think there was a movie starring Nicole Kidman called "Birthday Girl", actually.

The stereotype (which I've said before usually has basis in reality) is that these are either older, or "undateable" guys who are looking for someone to love them, which is perfectly valid. Unable to compete in a dating world filled with either "The Situations" or "George Clooneys" (whether their perception is off is on them), they choose a woman from a disadvantaged country who would like a fresh start in a Western one (I don't want to pick on the U.S. I think guys from the UK and Canada have done this, I'm sure.) The woman would probably just as well marry a local, but the effects of poverty, war, and other societal pressures may have drastically reduced a desirable dating pool.

Mail order bride services could possibly be on the way out, as with the advent of MySpace, Facebook, online forums (like this one!) and global dating sites could be cutting out the middlemen, and a real test could be seen as to whether there are indeed women looking for long-distance love, or whether this was just a decades long con by the Russian mob/government.

 

[Badjedidude]

or whether this was just a decades long con by the Russian mob/government.

I'd put my money on this one, personally.

 

[Vic Sage]

So for the record, please don't lump me in with someone who wants to buy a wife. My last two relationships were very feminist in that the lady ran everything.

I just think, and reading some of these posts on here, that there is a whole world out there, and people fall into each other's lives for different reasons. There are posters on here that are lonely, who see no one for them. Why couldn't there be someone in South America or Eastern Europe or Asia, etc, who perhaps is raised in a different culture than ours, who would value someone perhaps not as socially graceful or aesthetically pleasing? Devil's advocate.

Or, hey, it could all end up like that one guy from "Dodgeball."