Making friends

[ladyforsaken]

I just gotta say, that it happens to me too. I think like what delledonne said, I kinda just let it go now if people just don't want to make the effort.

And what if they want to but they don't know how?

You mean if they want to make the effort but don't know how to?

No.

Care to explain or should I not have asked?

 

[BeyondShy]

Care to explain or should I not have asked?

No need to because no one ever bothers to try. I've accepted it.

 

[goldfish]

I rarely even get to the 'small talk' stage. Most places I go to, it's made extremely clear very quickly that the people there don't want to know or talk with me. Late last year I went to an art class, and even in the first session, I was the only one sitting alone, at a desk by myself. Not because I wanted to, but because everyone else had chosen to sit next to/with someone else. Even when I tried to talk with someone there, I would be ignored ... and most of the conversations that the rest of the people were having weren't ones I could join in on (talk about their family, kids, ect ect, all conversations about very social things). That's how it stayed for 8 weeks. That's how it is in any group, class, or whatever I go to. I even find it difficult online. Most of what I say seems to go un-noticed, or becomes 'thread killer', so much so that I then feel like I shouldn't say anything, and that, for some reason, whatever I say, or feel, isn't valid because I'm too far away or just ... well ... I don't know. It's frustrating, not even feeling like you fit in or are accepted online.

I know, it's very difficult - if not terrifying - to join any new social group on your own. You did everything right by joining, putting yourself out there and reaching out to people. It was just unfortunate that no one reached back to you; that doesn't really say much about those people but a lot about you for persevering, all credit to you. Invariably, you'll get many cliques within any group which makes being part of them impossible. But for all that you would like to think there must be a few people who would be willing to meet someone new, especially as you have a common interest which immediately acts as an ice breaker (or that's the theory)... I was in that situation 3 months ago, I joined a new group to force myself to keep in touch with the outside world and soon found out who was willing to befriend me and whom I knew to avoid. Despite my desperate attempts to make new friends I instinctively knew it would be pointless to try and engage the latter in conversation as they barely reciprocated a simple "hello". But on the flip side, some things can't be rushed...

Honestly, i think that most people dont' want to be bothered and really aren't all that open to make new friends. However, that doesn't mean don't try. And, sometimes it is about being in the moment with people doing whatever activitiy and maybe you will never see them again. I will usually try to get chatting with people. And, after a few comments, i think you can tell if someone is going to reciprocate in kind or not. If not, then I just move on.

Yeah I agree, I get the impression with some people they have their own set of friends and don't want to know anyone else, and you're seen as an unwelcome visitor. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they are wary of people who appear too friendly for their liking, perhaps they just need more time than others to get to know.....then again, they might just be plain miserable!