WARNING: This is a long message. If you are convinced that lonliness is always a simple problem, then this might not be for you.
PSYCHOTHERAPY etc. is ALL FINE AND GOOD:
Obviously, inner conflict and ambivalence can only be confronted by each individual within inner life. Nevertheless, I do not here inquire into emotional or psychological issues alone as such and in and of themselves. Rather, the challenge I hope to raise is explicitly and particularly as to individual conflict with the environment, and real progress MEANING: ongoing improvement of the inevitably imperfect social environment in order to lessen as much as possible and practical, often however repressive and oppressive adaptive compromise on the part of the individual. -To further liberate and to better serve...
But rather than any vast social revolution, I propose to begin far closer to home for each of us.
After a while, ENDLESS REPETITIVE ENCOURAGEMENT can even seem EMPTY and even ANNOYING
I do not seek consensual or other validation, encounter group SHARING, a support group, small talk, inspirational/motivational pep rallies, so on and so forth, ad nausea.
Because all such superficial conformist interactions of co-validation do not assuage my loneliness, but actually frustrate and aggravate the condition! -As indeed is often observed when an individual caries any real burden upon their chest, let alone any real purpose, that remains palpable distress unresolved by petty distraction and small talk. To wit:
All too many people are far too wound up in what relationships are supposed to be like, even simply to observe for themselves and ever appreciate, the real world dynamics of actual ongoing relationships. And I believe that exactly such social myths and normative distortions greatly obscure the struggle to overcome widespread loneliness.
So to Hell with the jobs we hate for the money we need, the boring classes to get ahead, the depressing courtship ordeals endured in hopes ever of getting laid, and the frantic insecure contract negotiations, struggle and strife, of long term codependency. Down with Moloch! Let us strive, instead of pointless sacrifice, towards interaction, even in every context, intrinsically for whatever it's own joy!
HOW LUCKY ARE THOSE WHO CAN DO WHAT THEY LOVE! AND THE MORE SO, TO DO SO TOGETHER WITH FRIENDS.
Hence, let us imagine better alternatives to all the blithe clichéd advice detailing somewhat robotic procedures how to meet new people, because, one way or another, clearly the aforesaid approach simply doesn't work for everyone.
Indeed, such nominal advice may not actually be intended as substantive advice at all, but merely as exhortation and encouragement. Hence, exactly such may be vastly discouraging coming as it does, distinctly at cross purposes for anyone already frustrated with exactly any such common sense application, actually and sincerely seeking new perspective, fresh ideas and new knowledge to put to use instead.
SUBSTANTIVE CONVERSATIONAL ENGAGEMENT:
And exactly here, good intentions, let alone mere trite sentimentality, are simply not enough without genuine interest and attentive discussion in detail, all honestly taken in the spirit as intended. But because disagreement, incomprehension and misunderstanding are the normal human condition, conversational adequacy of public discourse requires meticulous detail in detecting and repairing miscommunication together, no less than vigorous open controversy. So, speak up to disagree, and if you don't understand, ask. And again, provide detail and reasons to help in communication repair, no less than in support or refutation of an argument or assertion. And keep at it! Stay interested.
MISCOMMUNICATIONS REPAIR
Again, miscommunication repair may often require feedback seeking out to whatever logical, narrative, linguistic or other ambiguities in specific beyond sheer general expression of incomprehension. Do not simply assume that the other party already knows what it is that you do not understand, why and how so! -But spell all of that out, as specifically as possible. Framing particular questions may also be of great help.
CAVEAT:
Indeed, substantive conversational engagement is crucial. For surely just such apathy and ennui as ever to reject substantive conversational engagement as defined above, renders all else pointless, futile, isolated and crushingly lonely!
VALUE PREPOSITION:
Because true compassion requires genuine interest beginning with the sheer attention span required to sustain ordinary curiosity! By contrast, soothing strokes are easier and far less demanding, perhaps even more explicit, but that hardly renders all that schmaltz actually superior or more advantageous. But by all means, welcome to it...
NOW ======> MY PROPOSAL:
All thus, yet do l hope that it can be worth while first to understand and identify our various stimulus and interaction needs, then to imagine the kind of circumstance under which we might lead a happier lives in fulfillment all thereof, before only then working to strategize success on our own terms, before making preparation and taking action.
Because surely there are as many different kinds of loneliness as there is malnutrition. And likewise, first is needed some idea exactly what is missing. Only then what sort of diet would satisfy. Only then where to obtain the ingredients and how to cook it up.
Indeed, I do not here seek to address all conceivable real world issues or problems, but only privation of specific stimulus needs of human interaction, in any way or sense as ever obstructed or neglected by the social environment.
THIS IS IT!!! ======> THE PROCESS:
0) Please do not ask me for my examples. There are plenty at
http://www.FoolQuest.com wherein my own rhetorical point of departure is the desire for shared creativity as better motive for social interaction. But if you just can't relate, then never mind...
1) Rather, give YOUR OWN example of whatever stimulus of gratifying interaction that YOU find tourself missing. If that still won't make sense, then nothing ever will, EVER!
If you are lonely, then that may mean that there must be some or other particular stimulus of gratifying interaction of which YOU find yourself deprived. Indeed, everyone has their own unique needs and prefferences. Again, just list and decribe your own stimulus of gratifying interaction that YOU find yourself deprived of and yearn for.
2) Then let us strive to imagine YOUR OWN example or examples of any more specific category of suitable interactivity that ever fulfils such whatever unfulfilled needs.
Because, there must be some manner of interaction that would be fulfilling of whatever gratifying interaction that YOU find yourself missing. Again, just list any suitable kinds of interaction that YOU desire in order gratify the stimulus need of which YOU find yourself deprived and yearn for.
3) Then let us strive to reason out any plausible hypothetical ongoing situation of such interactivity.
In other words, just imagine and then list, kinds of situations that might supply the suitable interactions the YOU have just listed as gratifying to whatever the stimulus need of which YOU find yourself deprived.
4) Then, and only then, will we be ready so strategize, in order ever to actually realize what we have dreamed up. -To discover whatever necessary course of action. -How to actually go about creating the kind of situations to supply the suitable interactions the YOU have listed as gratifying to whatever the stimulus needs of which YOU find yourself deprived.
THE THRUST:
From the general through to the specific. Neither ivory tower passivity on the one hand, nor the flurry of senseless activity on the other, but sound concepts intentionally cultivated and ever carried through to successful execution.
Again, rather than words of encouragement and blithe motivational exhortation to pragmatic common sense, instead, more imaginative understanding of interaction for whatever it’s own joy, intrinsically, may be the true key to real optimal practical progress, to new premise for different results.
And all of the above is precisely the kind of discussion that I seek in the quest to resolve loneliness.
MY AGENDA:
Instead of means to some hoped for gratifying end, I propose that gratifying interaction is what can be most productive and wholesome. And I propose that imagination is the first step: Hypothesis then narrowed by criticism, and progressively rendered practical and practicable. Hopefully, that might even be fun!
GOT A PROBLEM WITH ANY OF THIS?
