Me Myself and I

[gotdibz001]

Hey everyone ..
Im guessing since i have problems in both relationship with my self and with others this would be the right place for me to post.
Let me start by asking a question : " how can someome be himself if everything he ever knew about himself was fake and dishonesty with himself " after years and years and years being on this earth inhaling day in and day out these lies tht i have fed myself how can someone stop inhaling these false beliefs if its everything he ever had to hang on to...lies! Where would tht take me? What person will i become? Where do i start? And how would i know if im in the right path if ive never been there? All seems in my life to just fall apart day by day either relationships tht i cnt build into healthy ones or old relationships tht i have to destroy to build new ones. I know it all starts with you but what is you? What is me? Who is the real me? Why cnt i tap into tht inner self and stay there? Why do i have to be pulled back into tht old fake persona? Have i fed him too much? Will not answering tht person be the end of me? Or will it make me breathe healthier clearer fresh air if i dnt? On and on day after day this is what i keep thinking of, a battle with myself, which i cannot get out of...someone has to die for the greater good but which one? Life is passing me by and i just cannot get a hold of myself...where am i? Why am i here? Why am i ALONE? Questions tht sometimes wake me up at night and the diziness hits me. Why do i keep repeating the same mistakes over and over if i know the outcome will be the same? Have i gone mad...cant i see this? Life is bigger than me life is stronger than me and life keeps calling me everyday..why do i have to say no to life? Why am depriving of life? Whts holding me back? Do i give up? Or do i want to teach tht old person of me a lesson so he never tries to get back to me? Has life become so hard tht even "I" seems hard to pronunce? I dnt want to be here ..this is not my place..this isnt the way its going to end..im going to fight im going to stand up and fight..yes! But wht if i have a visit from my old self then what to do? In cricles i go in circles i stay someone punch a whole in me so i can be free so i can feel the feelings ive never felt im numb im blind im too fearless for my own good , someome wake me up , its just a bad dream maybe the angel of death is near maybe i just need to have a good night sleep.
Thank you for listening ...

 

[Tiina63]

Being yourself sounds so easy but it can be one of the hardest things in the world. From the moment we are born we are sent messages and signals from others to tell us how to be and who to be. We are told which bits of our behaviour and character are acceptable in their eyes and which bits are not. Like you, I feel I wear a mask or adopt a persona almost all the time and, like you, although I want to drop it and be myself, I get pulled back into adopting it again when I am with others. Sometimes it is hard to know even if the persona may also be at least partly real, as I have used it for so long it has become part of me even though I long to discard it.

 

[gotdibz001]

During my years of growing up, ive spent almost all of the time looking for approval from people because i wasnt getting any at home and now im in debt ,i owe myself the care and love i gave away..but i feel depleted, i feel lost and i cnt find a way to stop my old self from resurfacing..its becoming harder day after day..regret is at each turn to remind me of the biggest mistake ive ever made..its not my fault neither my parents' for tht matter but if uve never felt lovr for yourself, where do you start while all uve gathered from past experiences is hate anger lust and repression? Where is my beginning if i cnt even see myself in all the greatness i could have accomplished burried deep in sins...against myself.
I owe myself a new beginning but the road is unclear bumpy and might be delusional or a trick but how do i know? How can i be sure this time? What feelings would i feel if i did something tht felt good but nothing seems enough? Ive dug a black hole in myself and now im in pain suffering with each passing minute! I need to get out, i need to be free, its in my nature, i cnt be locked here forever..what has life become?

 

[Marginal]

I have similar feelings and thoughts all the time. I spend too much time alone, trying to find a new perspective. Instead it's a loop of anger, shame, loneliness, anger shame, loneliness. Locked in that never ending cycle. Sometimes a kind word can help. Sometimes a good night's sleep. I'm so sorry you feel trapped. It's a terrible way to feel. To live.

 

[gotdibz001]

How to get rid of a huge ego? I swear day after day opportunities are passing me by because i cant feel anything anymore...ive replaced everything i had with ego, heart with ego , head with ego, eyes with ego and the problem is i dont realize im doing it. Its hard to feel anything when u have such an inflated ego and the best part is i made it to myself because of past hurtful experiences ( family, bullying, lonliness and not needing anyone)..i feel desperate for answers but cannot be accepting of anything because of that, i cant have fun anymore because of it and the most terrifying thing is about self inflated egos is tht any mistakes or failed risks can be a devastating blow for me but how can i come down from that? Do i need to burst my own bubble a couple of times to realize what truly needs to be done and what truly matters? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Is this a sign of a perfectionist?

 

[jayme89]

read eckhart tolle "a new earth" talks alot about breaking free of false and limiting beliefs. great book. that and "the four agreements" basically saved my life.

 

[a lonely person]

You are always yourself, there is no reason to think you are perfect, so no reason to blame your problems on "not being yourself". In my opinion you shouldnt worry too much about who you are or what you are, or if you are being or not being yourself etc, for practical purposes what matters is what you do and what you feel. What do you think would make you feel better and what can you do to achieve it.

 

[gotdibz001]

I appreciate each and everyones reply but let me ask you something, why is it so hard (at least for me) to take back control of my life? Cant even control or even formulate a clear thought..its like im a drifter or a puppet walking through life just waiting for some sort of miracle to help me snap back to reality. As i stated earlier a scary feeling happens when i wake up in the middle of the night screaming "what the hell am i doing here?" With blood red eyes..That horrible feeling tht is just barely surfacing telling me that i am meant for more than this but cannot help just let it go or put it back to sleep. Its agonizing how much i want to change but just cant how much i wanna move forward but too stuck how much i wanna live life but feel dead. Whats a solution for a temporary unknown problem? Should i just let my confusion and lost state guide my way at the moment? How can i resurface that feeling and keep it there with me till i do something about it? In serious need of help. What r ur thoughts on whats going on with me?

 

[Paul Meranda]

play to your hobbies; your talents. maybe itd help to write em out here.. thats what im doing to work on myself. .. plus get drunk every night until i see a doctor soon for phych meds..

 

[ShybutHi]

What makes you who you are, are the things you like or don't like and how you go about doing and knowing them.

Most people are like lost sheep looking for a shepard to guide the way back to the flock where they can get on with a simple everyday life and every now and then say Baaa at a fellow sheep.

Find what you like to do as a person, what your own personal interests are, opinions on subjects and seek them out. If you do this then you will be an individual.