matt4 said:
I do think modern technology has made it more difficult to make new friends. It's certainly made it easier to keep in touch though.
Aisha, I was talking in the context of the wider world and not just this forum. Studying popular people is all well and good but can lead you to try to follow them in terms of interactions. What's the point of not being yourself? You can't act all the time, of course you can improve. It just seems that people aren't interested in making friends at all. On tinder, okcupid for example or in real life. It's my observation.
I'm not sure anyone is blaming others. I think a lot of people are just sick and tired of being friendly. Making the effort to be friends with people and having it thrown in their face. I have the ability to be self-critical about myself. I was merely asking whether people have the same problem as I run into. I don't think it's unique, the low value on friendship people place now.
You know how many times I've tried making friends with someone. Trying many different approaches even in terms of dating? I know I'm a good person and conversational. I've been self-critical enough to say my appearance my have let me down on a few occasions.
Some of us need to let off steam after the first hundred or first thousand. Some of us may give up entirely if we don't see people having similar issues. We may think it's just us.
What I was trying to put across was the importance of trying to attain your goal, and of not being discouraged.
Thank you, that's part of the reason why I keep going. I know not everyone out in the world is the same. Even if it feels so
I need friendship/a relationship as I am is unfulfilled, and a great portion of my 26 years on this planet have been largely dull, mostly due to not having things to share with people.
I was speaking in terms of the wider world too Matt. I realize this forum is not the only place one can make friends. And I know this isn't a unique problem, there were times growing up I felt that way too. I get that constant rejection will tear people down. I'm very easy to hurt in that way myself, which is probably part of the reason I started closing myself off at the beginning. But if it's something I dearly wanted, I'm not sure rejection would hold me back. Maybe it would. At this point I don't think I'll know, since its not something that concerns me much now.
I completely understand what you mean by not being able to be yourself with others. By studying 'popular' people, I didn't mean to fake a different personality, I just meant charisma may be something it is possible to acquire. I have seen others change and suddenly have more friends than they knew what to do with. Including my younger brother, who went from being a severely bullied, closed off introvert, to someone I couldn't take a 15 minute walk with, when he was home for the holidays earlier this year, without running into 4 or 5 of his friends at different points along the route, all of whom approached with enthusiasm and excitment- until they found out he'd only be staying a week. At that point, I had been home for several months and hadn't run into even one of my friends, which was something I was quite grateful for. ..We're very, very different people in some ways.
Some people are better than others at interpersonal relations because they have skills the others don't. Skills can be learnt. And once learnt, implementing them is optional. Many people who have a lot of friends didn't get them because they just naturally attracted them, although there are many who are naturally charismatic too. Most people who got there worked for it, and worked on themselves. That is what I meant by introspection and changing ourselves first and not blaming others. 'Blame' wasn't the right word to use at all, but I hope you see what I mean. If it is a genuine goal you want to achieve, don't give up. Read and learn about it, make a plan, then try to implement it. It is a goal like any other, why not approach it like an actual life goal? If plan A doesn't work, modify it and modify it again. Then try the rest of the alphabet.
I'm not on tinder or dating sites so I don't know about those things, but it seems to me people have very specific intentions when they go to that sort of site and app, and not being in person makes it easier to reject people and not be concerned about what they might feel. I've met many very nice people in real life, I think most people are genuinely nice and friendly and if you approach them they will be open to friendship.. everyone's experiences are different. I'm always open to friendship if it comes along, but an active social life isn't something I miss or particularly crave, since it tires me out.
As I've said, don't be put off, you can see just from this site how many good people there are, and everyone here will be a good person in real life too, I'm sure. People take time to warm up and open up, so particularly in these times where everything is fleeting, persistence and reliability will probably be rewarded.
I understand that sometimes people want sympathy and/or empathy and not advice. But I hope you understand it's just an opinion in the end, and I only want to help and encourage, even if some people might think the opposite. People often tend to take advice harshly and consider it to be the other person telling them they're not good enough. No. Every single person is good enough just as they are. But if you have something you want to achieve don't turn aside advice, whether you think it's wrong or right, understand it's made with the best possible intentions. I don't think it's unsolicited, since the thread was made specifically concerning this. But then, if I'm wrong, just ignore my rambling
I wish you good luck in any case.