Men are not attracted to me!

[Shelterdog71]

I'm a 42 year old single female with no kids. I've never had a decent relationship with a man in my life. Men have NEVER been attracted to me even when I was 20 years younger (and thinner). The few guys I have dated all used me for money, a place to live, or as a maid/mother. In bars or any public place, men have NEVER come up and initiated a conversation with me. They swarm all over my girlfriends but completely ignore me while I sit there alone. I don't get it. I'm attractive, clean, dress nice, friendly, intelligent, funny, have a career, house, etc.

I'm not imagining this either. My best friend doesn't understand why this happens. She's seen firsthand how men have treated me over the years.

Once at a carnival I walked by these 2 guys that were about my age. One said to the other, "Oh there's one for you!" and they both busted out laughing and pointing at me. Really? At a friggin carnival???

Recently I had a nice looking guy come up to me in a bar only to tell me how incredibly sexy and gorgeous my friend was and that he wanted to hook up with her.

More times than I can count I've had men hold a door for a very attractive woman but they let it slam right in my face.

And one thing I'll never forget... this drunk guy in a bar said to me, "I'm so f-ing drunk I would even take YOU home tonight!" That does wonders for the self esteem doesn't it?

I could go on and on but you get the idea.

I go out with my friends and try to meet people but it doesn't work. I smile, make eye contact, start conversations, whatever. But men ignore me as if I wasn't even there, or as if I was just another man. They won't make eye contact and look right through me.

I also get called "Sir" alot and that just really boggles my mind. This can happen even when I'm wearing a low cut pink shirt with HUGE cleavage showing, makeup, jewelry, long hair, etc.

I haven't had a boyfriend since 2005, and he turned out to be another one just using me for money and a place to live. We had sex maybe 5 times during the first year of our relationship and then that was it. And those 5 times I practically had to beg for it.

There are times when I wish I was a lesbian but women probably wouldn't be attracted to me either. :-(

There is nothing I want more than to be loved and to have a normal intimate relationship with someone. I ache for human companionship.

Whenever a man I'm interested in finds out I'm interested, his first reaction is usually "Oh NO WAY! We're friends and all, but that's IT". Or one of the other many textbook excuses such as "I think of you as a sister" or "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now". I've gotten to the point where I won't even bother trying anymore because I know I will get rejected and my heart can't take it again.

And if I hear "Oh you will meet someone! It will happen!" one more time I'm gonna puke. It hasn't happened in almost 43 years and it's never going to.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I'm a 42 year old single female with no kids. I've never had a decent relationship with a man in my life. Men have NEVER been attracted to me even when I was 20 years younger (and thinner). The few guys I have dated all used me for money, a place to live, or as a maid/mother. In bars or any public place, men have NEVER come up and initiated a conversation with me. They swarm all over my girlfriends but completely ignore me while I sit there alone. I don't get it. I'm attractive, clean, dress nice, friendly, intelligent, funny, have a career, house, etc.

I'm not imagining this either. My best friend doesn't understand why this happens. She's seen firsthand how men have treated me over the years.

Once at a carnival I walked by these 2 guys that were about my age. One said to the other, "Oh there's one for you!" and they both busted out laughing and pointing at me. Really? At a friggin carnival???

Recently I had a nice looking guy come up to me in a bar only to tell me how incredibly sexy and gorgeous my friend was and that he wanted to hook up with her.

More times than I can count I've had men hold a door for a very attractive woman but they let it slam right in my face.

And one thing I'll never forget... this drunk guy in a bar said to me, "I'm so f-ing drunk I would even take YOU home tonight!" That does wonders for the self esteem doesn't it?

I could go on and on but you get the idea.

I go out with my friends and try to meet people but it doesn't work. I smile, make eye contact, start conversations, whatever. But men ignore me as if I wasn't even there, or as if I was just another man. They won't make eye contact and look right through me.

I also get called "Sir" alot and that just really boggles my mind. This can happen even when I'm wearing a low cut pink shirt with HUGE cleavage showing, makeup, jewelry, long hair, etc.

I haven't had a boyfriend since 2005, and he turned out to be another one just using me for money and a place to live. We had sex maybe 5 times during the first year of our relationship and then that was it. And those 5 times I practically had to beg for it.

There are times when I wish I was a lesbian but women probably wouldn't be attracted to me either. :-(

There is nothing I want more than to be loved and to have a normal intimate relationship with someone. I ache for human companionship.

Whenever a man I'm interested in finds out I'm interested, his first reaction is usually "Oh NO WAY! We're friends and all, but that's IT". Or one of the other many textbook excuses such as "I think of you as a sister" or "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now". I've gotten to the point where I won't even bother trying anymore because I know I will get rejected and my heart can't take it again.

And if I hear "Oh you will meet someone! It will happen!" one more time I'm gonna puke. It hasn't happened in almost 43 years and it's never going to.

I am sorry all of this has happened to you.

I wish I could give you the reasons why.

Why don't you post a photo of yourself in the 'lets see the faces' thread and people will give you some honest advice / opinions ?

Oh and the drunk who insulted you ! - Why even take notice of him ? He's was just a piss head who probably couldn't see straight ! Why value his opinion ? Forget everything he said !

 

[Walley]

I think that everyone is different to certain degrees, but there are a few stereotypical personality types that are more common than others. the people that seem to be the most socially accepted tend to be the most common personality types.
maybe what happens to you in your experience is a reflection of your less common personality type? if you follow me.

showing your picture here wont accomplish anything. it's not about looks.
looks, style and all things superficial are simply the surface elements of attraction. but attitude and personality are what really tells people your story.
maybe after a few incidents you started to develop an attitude towards potential men? it may even be something that you don't realize you're doing?
a subconscious attitude telling yourself that they wont be attracted to you, may be helping to inspire them to not be attracted?

I do a similar thing sometimes but more to do with friendships.
I tend to feel like people don't respect my as a friend, or care if i'm around or not and over-react if I feel like people ditch me, even if it's only in my mind.
I've been told before that it's what some would call a 'self fulfilling prophecy" where I convince myself that someone will reject me, and then I form an attitude about it and THAT in turn is what instigates them to reject me.
something like that may be happing for you as well?
I mean, if Miley Cyrus can get people to think she is sexy in any way.. there must be hope for anyone!
maybe like her.. if you convince yourself that you are the sexiest woman around, then others may start to believe you?

when I stop and think about all the girls I have known, the one that stands out to me that still can start my motor.. isn't the one that was the best looking or best dresser or any of that. it was the girl with a crooked grin that undressed guys with her eyes.
attitude is everything.

 

[Midnight Sky]

I don't have time to give a full reply, but I will went I get back.

I mean, if Miley Cyrus can get people to think she is sexy in any way.. there must be hope for anyone!
maybe like her.. if you convince yourself that you are the sexiest woman around, then others may start to believe you?

I doubt she wants to resort to making seductive gestures on a music stage just to be attractive and then attract the wrong kinds of men.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I think that everyone is different to certain degrees, but there are a few stereotypical personality types that are more common than others. the people that seem to be the most socially accepted tend to be the most common personality types.
maybe what happens to you in your experience is a reflection of your less common personality type? if you follow me.

showing your picture here wont accomplish anything. it's not about looks.
looks, style and all things superficial are simply the surface elements of attraction. but attitude and personality are what really tells people your story.
maybe after a few incidents you started to develop an attitude towards potential men? it may even be something that you don't realize you're doing?
a subconscious attitude telling yourself that they wont be attracted to you, may be helping to inspire them to not be attracted?

I do a similar thing sometimes but more to do with friendships.
I tend to feel like people don't respect my as a friend, or care if i'm around or not and over-react if I feel like people ditch me, even if it's only in my mind.
I've been told before that it's what some would call a 'self fulfilling prophecy" where I convince myself that someone will reject me, and then I form an attitude about it and THAT in turn is what instigates them to reject me.
something like that may be happing for you as well?
I mean, if Miley Cyrus can get people to think she is sexy in any way.. there must be hope for anyone!
maybe like her.. if you convince yourself that you are the sexiest woman around, then others may start to believe you?

when I stop and think about all the girls I have known, the one that stands out to me that still can start my motor.. isn't the one that was the best looking or best dresser or any of that. it was the girl with a crooked grin that undressed guys with her eyes.
attitude is everything.

showing a photo of herself and getting positive feedback might give her some confidence

 

[Shelterdog71]

But I DO think positive about myself. I AM pretty. I AM attractive. I have self confidence and am not shy. I have a great smile, outgoing personality, and always try talking to people. I don't have a bitchy attitude or anything like that. I just don't get it. No matter where I am if I try to initiate conversation with a man, I get looked at like I have 3 heads.

 

[Triple Bogey]

But I DO think positive about myself. I AM pretty. I AM attractive. I have self confidence and am not shy. I have a great smile, outgoing personality, and always try talking to people. I don't have a bitchy attitude or anything like that. I just don't get it. No matter where I am if I try to initiate conversation with a man, I get looked at like I have 3 heads.

it's good you have confidence. From your photo I have no idea why. If it's all men who treat you like this, it must be something. Why don't you do a 'talking heads' little piece and post it on you tube. That will probably be better than looking at a photograph.

 

[EveWasFramed]

it's good you have confidence. From your photo I have no idea why.

LOL...did you maybe mean something else there, TB?
Like...maybe from her photo, you have no idea why men wouldn't speak to her?
TB is all tongue-tied.

 

[Triple Bogey]

it's good you have confidence. From your photo I have no idea why.

LOL...did you maybe mean something else there, TB?
Like...maybe from her photo, you have no idea why men wouldn't speak to her?
TB is all tongue-tied.

oh yeah, that sounds horrible doesn't it. I did mean what you said. I was probably distracted by my Dad talking about something !

From the photo I have no idea why men don't find her attractive !
sounds better !

 

[EveWasFramed]

it's good you have confidence. From your photo I have no idea why.

LOL...did you maybe mean something else there, TB?
Like...maybe from her photo, you have no idea why men wouldn't speak to her?
TB is all tongue-tied.

oh yeah, that sounds horrible doesn't it. I did mean what you said. I was probably distracted by my Dad talking about something !

From the photo I have no idea why men don't find her attractive !
sounds better !

LMAO!

 

[Triple Bogey]

it's good you have confidence. From your photo I have no idea why.

LOL...did you maybe mean something else there, TB?
Like...maybe from her photo, you have no idea why men wouldn't speak to her?
TB is all tongue-tied.

oh yeah, that sounds horrible doesn't it. I did mean what you said. I was probably distracted by my Dad talking about something !

From the photo I have no idea why men don't find her attractive !
sounds better !

LMAO!

 

[Midnight Sky]

I have to agree. The guys in your city is stupid. You're more than just attractive. I see wisdom, self love, self confidence, full-of-fun(and for me this is a huge plus).

You haven't let the loneliness waste you away. It's unfortunate, and almost unbelievable that you're in this situation.

Oh yes, don't beg anyone for sex. If you feel you have to, the guy probably isn't worth it.

Don't stress over how long, or the last time you been with someone. If I were to not count the last idiot I was with, that would mean I haven't had anyone since 2001. The more you think about the length of time, the more daunting and discouraging you'll feel.

As for drunk guy...well alcohol is the "truth serum" but it doesn't do anything for intelligence. So don't sweat that.

You're their loss. All they had to do was step up and find out.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I can relate to this, even though I'm a guy.

Women are never attracted to me. They actually have laughed at the idea of dating me - "Date Josh? That's a laugh!" I've been called a Bill Gates, Harry Potter lookalike, and basically been friendzoned over and over again.

I try not to be bitter about it, but I've never even had a first kiss. I struggle to understand what it is about me that women don't like? I may be a bit socially backwards, and a bit shy, but I've got a lot going for me, I think?

Anyway, I'm 11 years younger, but ready to throw in the towel and just dedicate my time to my animals (cat and dogs.) They have given me more affection than any human being ever has, except for my mom and a few family members.

And I can relate to the gender mixup. A lot of people mistake me for a woman when I have long hair. That is, until they get right up in my face, then they realize I'm a guy.

 

[Peaches]

I can relate to this, even though I'm a guy.

Women are never attracted to me. They actually have laughed at the idea of dating me - "Date Josh? That's a laugh!" I've been called a Bill Gates, Harry Potter lookalike, and basically been friendzoned over and over again.

I try not to be bitter about it, but I've never even had a first kiss. I struggle to understand what it is about me that women don't like? I may be a bit socially backwards, and a bit shy, but I've got a lot going for me, I think?

Anyway, I'm 11 years younger, but ready to throw in the towel and just dedicate my time to my animals (cat and dogs.) They have given me more affection than any human being ever has, except for my mom and a few family members.

And I can relate to the gender mixup. A lot of people mistake me for a woman when I have long hair. That is, until they get right up in my face, then they realize I'm a guy.

Harry Potter's lookalike is an insult? And what exactly is wrong with Harry Potter (since he came of age, of course, wouldn't want to break the law or anything)?

---

Dear Shelterdog, I also had doors banged on my face to let the cheerleader go first, and was actually stomped on, more than once, by some guy in a hurry to reach someone more attractive (once I got really angry because they damaged my favorite shoes). Had some loser qualify my ass as disgusting, and I am sure I avoided a lot of similar experiences just by being really shy (which was a pity).
You look very much like a friend of mine, who by the way has an amazing boyfriend since several years who does everything for her and worships her, she is really cool. She also gets called Sir sometimes in spite of her lipstick, boobs and red shoes, she does have a low voice, maybe sometimes people don't bother to look.
I know it's easier said than done, but don't give up, look for those who like you and don't waste time with those who don't which kills one's self esteem, no one can say of course "It will happen", but if you give up you will be 100% sure that it won't happen, if you don't give up, well, you never know.

 

[gymcel]

pics?

 

[MrE1986]

I had a look at your photo's Shelterdog, your quite cute. I would ignore these guys, they clearly arent worth the time

 

[Badjedidude]

Men aren't attracted to me either.

 

[Realist]

Probably because they see right through you and they see that you are a "reject" in their eyes. Your attitude towards your past experiences have made you into the person you are. Make yourself worthy and people will want you.. Just thinking that you're pretty will make you more beautiful than you are. Not that you're not. But you get the point. You need to love yourself in order to get love from other people. Your negative attitude towarss past experiences have made you into tje person you are.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Probably because they see right through you and they see that you are a "reject" in their eyes. Your attitude towards your past experiences have made you into the person you are. Make yourself worthy and people will want you.. Just thinking that you're pretty will make you more beautiful than you are. Not that you're not. But you get the point. You need to love yourself in order to get love from other people. Your negative attitude towarss past experiences have made you into tje person you are.

hmm...her self-esteem seems just fine to me. She seems to be asking for advice and opinions - not bashing men. I don't see a hugely negative attitude oozing from her at all.
Im not too sure what you're trying to impart with your post to be honest.

 

[Realist]

Well i know that her sel esteem is fine and all its just her attitude towards jer past "bad" experiences of being overlooked by guys have piled up into herself that has made being a "reject" has become part of her personality that people see right througj her or noticce it. Almost as if she expects tobe rejected even before she inrroduces herself towards other people. Which men pick up on.