Men treating Women like Sex-Objects, What's up with that?

[SophiaGrace]

This is something I've been pondering this morning.

When I was at Temple University we had a feminist organization on campus, and they had a workshop about women being treated like sex objects. I didn't understand what it was for. Years later I think maybe I do understand.

I can't count the numbe of times I've been friends with guys online and out of the blue they IM me and get sexual. Not only that, but guys I dont know. It's like "uhm I dont know you." or "uhm, I thought we were friends..."

I dont get it. Why do guys get sexual with you if they don't want to have a relationship with you? Why dont they just go use their hand? o_o

I get that some women dont want a commitment but it just seems to me that a lot of guys want sex for their own (selfish) pleasure and that it's become so widespread in our society that "men need sex" that this has become a completely acceptable statement for men to make. Bullshit I say.

Men don't need sex. No one needs sex.

Now, don't take me to be a heartless *****. Sometimes when this occurs to me I think I see a person that wants to feel close to someone. As in, they want to bridge an emotional divide, alleviate lonelinss. Whatever. I sympathize with this motive, however I dont think it's a good enough excuse to have non-commital sex.

If you want to feel emotionally close to me we could go bake cookies. We could do something else. Why does it have to be sex? o_o

I just refuse to be treated like a sex-object and am appalled that this has turned into a main-stream objectification of women that is completely acceptable and which most people do not recognize.

Your thoughts on this subject are welcome, whether you agree or disagree with me.

For Your Amusement:
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[Lawrens]

It's just different people with a different sense of value. Some guys or women value sex and relationship different than you, people use each other all the time to gain pleasure, some people doesn't want relationships, they just want to have sex. That's all. I don't think it's a really hard concept to grasp.
It doesn't apply to only one gender, and it certainly not only women that's being treated as sex objects.

 

[Nyu001]

I wish to understand why a lot of men that are in a relationship or married talk with other men about other women. In my last job, I was working with two men, and they were always looking at women that passed by the local in or outside. They were always like "Would you fresia her" but with other words. Always perverting women. They are married, I see this as they don't have respect or value for their wives, by looking at other women in a pervert form.

 

[Caroline]

this might not be entirely related to the topic, but it happens a lot.
when women are outside walking, they may look very pretty, with a cute outfit...
and then you hear the wolf whistles, and calls of "hey baby" or "hey sexyy."

*sigh* -A-;;

 

[Nina]

SophiaGrace--
This, "sex-object" mentality isn't isolated to the roving men of the single world. I am quite close to woman who has been married a number of years to a very attractive, eloquent and successful Asian man. From outside, their world looks perfect, nice house, good kids, comfotable affluent. Peachy in everyway. But she's confided to me, that all isn't as it seems.

They came togther in a worldwind of sexual attraction. He has always been extremely possessive and jealous of her. He allows her, a lot of liberal interactions with others, as long as it never ventures into the realm of some other man physically touching what he see as, "HIS" property. He has never physically or even verbally abused her in any way, if anything he's always been the perfect companion, but her issue is with his, "attitude" she told me they've never engaged in foreplay becasuse he "needs" to get right down to business. There is a whole laundry list of behaviors along this line as well.

She is only a few years younger than him but looks almost kiddishly youthful. She's expressed enough of her dissatisfaction to him that he has taken to following her to the beach when she walks her dogs, just to be certain she isn't interacting in a, too familiar way with anyone else.

She's obviously becoming very uncomfortable with the situation. When I asked her why she stayed, she said she fears the relationship is more of a mutual addiction than a marriage. Though she dislikes the hold he has over her, she is also addicted to him. Does she find his obsession in some way flattering? Or are her own desires just so melded with his appetites and time that they've all melted together in a confusing and dysfunctional mix? Who knows. I do get the feeling that's she's almost ashamed of the whole situation. I have hopes that because she's finally let it out she can begin to really examine the root cause of it all. But who knows, even if she does, it doesn't mean she'll fix anything. Even in 2010 seeming bright, fiesty and liberated women can still find themselves in very questionable circumstances. Human behaviors and the dynamics they create will always present some level of craziness I suppose.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Women treating men like ATM-machines/janitors for their emotional baggage? What's up with that?

Sorry, SophiaGrace, no need to disrupt your post. If you need any help with anything, you can talk to me on FB.

 

[Talus]

You've got to realize that men and women aren't quire wired the same. When it comes to sex men tend to be looking mostly for physical relief, where as women tend to be looking for both physical and emotional fulfillment.

As for needing sex. Define need. No, it's not critical for survival. But NOTHING is critical for survival other than water, basic food, and basic shelter from the elements, and if you really want to look at things in those sort of terms, even the homeless of the world have plenty of luxuries that they could do without. By those standards of "need" life with be fairly sad and pathetic.

For our mental well being and overall happiness I'd say sex is fairly high on our list of needs. It can dramatically affect a persons happiness on a day to day basis. Sure, like you said if you're not getting laid, then you can always masturbate. But come on, our bodies know the difference, and honestly that tends to make the frustration worse rather than better.

Beyond that I suppose we can blame the media for constantly portraying women as sex objects better to be stared at for their beautify rather than listened to for their intelligence. And unfortunately, there are just too many girls willing to play along and act dumb and dress slutty just to get the attention of the guys.

That said, I've never quite understood why so many guys get so sexual with girls that they don't know. I spend most weekends working at bars, and from what I've observed at least 80% of the guys take that approach. From what I've heard it's even worse online. Yet I've never once heard of a guy getting laid when he opens with the line "Hey babe, nice rack, how bout we go out back?". So why so many guys take that route is beyond me. You want a girls attention, help a blind person across the street, or an old person down a set of stairs. That'll do a hell of a lot better job getting a girls attention.

Maybe slightly off topic, but I'm starting to think that people are forgetting how to socialize. We've all got our ipods, our cellphones with unlimited texting and instant facebook updates. You can know everything about someones life without ever talking to them. Then you go on an online dating site, and by the time you're on your first date, you already know so much about the person you just met that all that's left is to ask, well, how badly do I want to get in bed with this person?

 

[SophiaGrace]

Women treating men like ATM-machines/janitors for their emotional baggage? What's up with that?

Sorry, SophiaGrace, no need to disrupt your post. If you need any help with anything, you can talk to me on FB.

You aren't derailing anything.

Gold-diggers are narcissistic as well, i agree.

I think it's respectful to go double-dutch when on a date. Split the cost of the date between two people. That way the guy doesn't feel like the girl owes him anything for paying for the entire date.

 

[Sonic_95]

Soph I must say I agree with you 100% on this one.

If you only knew how many guys I've known during high school, all the way up to now who are like that. It pisses me off just thinking about it.

We have a guy at work who is always talking about his sex life and what he did in bed with his wife the night before, or how he's been with all these women and what he's done with them, etc.

It makes me sick. I'm sure if his wife knew he was talking about that kind of stuff she wouldn't be happy either.

His mentality is "sex is like a drug". He says it's addicting, and he can't NOT do it every day. That to me, is bullshit.

I remember one day when I was working with him, he was telling me how his wife wasn't feeling good that day and had to go to the doctor. A few hours later, I heard him on his phone with his wife. I personally heard him ask her if she was feeling better. she must have said no, because he got all pissy and said "well, I was hoping you'd be up to doing a little more in the bed tonight". His sick wife! And he was giving her a hard time! I wanted so bad to tell him to grow up and smack him upside the head.

I think I'm one of few males out there who actually want to be in a nice relationship with someone before I think about sex. I could not imagine giving my companion a hard time if she wasn't feeling well or just wasn't in the mood for one reason or another.

Some people are just jerks, and that's the bottom line. And it's sad.

 

[Nyu001]

Well, at least he thinking of sex with his WIFE and not going to other women.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
I definitely agree that women and men are wired differently. Men tend to be more visual. Although, with that said, I do check out guys too, although in a way that's not as noticeable as whistling and "hey baby!" I try to dress nicely and look presentable but I would never allow a person to assign a "sex object" label on me. You can look at me any way you want but I'm not having that.
If a bar is your vantage point for observing men and women interact - well that's a whole new ball game, especially when alcohol is involved.
I supposed you could call me a modern, feminist female but in the dating realm, I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm old-fashioned and I think it's ok for the guy to pay for the date. Even though I can certainly afford to pay for my own way and even the guy's way at a nice date, if the guy is asking me out - he pays. I've never felt pressured to provide a little something extra at the end of the date when a guy has paid, either.

Teresa

 

[nerdygirl]

Let 'em! I don't mind if guys think of me as a sex object, as long as they realize I'm seeing them as my bitches!

 

[Badjedidude]

I see women and think of them in sexual ways, but not as objects. Just because a guy makes sexual comments or advances toward a woman does NOT automatically mean that he sees her as an object or a conquest.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I see women and think of them in sexual ways, but not as objects. Just because a guy makes sexual comments or advances toward a woman does NOT automatically mean that he sees her as an object or a conquest.

lol, I actually agree. Not all men are that way. Some, yes, a lot, no.

lmao, I guess I'm not so jaded against the opposite sex.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I wish to understand why a lot of men that are in a relationship or married talk with other men about other women. In my last job, I was working with two men, and they were always looking at women that passed by the local in or outside. They were always like "Would you fresia her" but with other words. Always perverting women. They are married, I see this as they don't have respect or value for their wives, by looking at other women in a pervert form.

I don't like that either. I personally wouldn't look at other men in such a fashion. If I wanted to do that, I'd stay single.

I think it's respectful to go double-dutch when on a date. Split the cost of the date between two people. That way the guy doesn't feel like the girl owes him anything for paying for the entire date.

This is why I pay for my own stuff.

Let 'em! I don't mind if guys think of me as a sex object, as long as they realize I'm seeing them as my bitches!

Lol. Gotta love ya, Nerdy.

 

[Jesse]

I think it's respectful to go double-dutch when on a date. Split the cost of the date between two people. That way the guy doesn't feel like the girl owes him anything for paying for the entire date.

Hey not all guys expect something just because they paid.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think it's respectful to go double-dutch when on a date. Split the cost of the date between two people. That way the guy doesn't feel like the girl owes him anything for paying for the entire date.

Hey not all guys expect something just because they paid.

Yeah, really really really nice guys. (like you)

---

I see women and think of them in sexual ways, but not as objects. Just because a guy makes sexual comments or advances toward a woman does NOT automatically mean that he sees her as an object or a conquest.

You're back!

*hug* ^_^

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Heya Soph! Wassuuuuup? lol

 

[epic fale boy]

Let 'em! I don't mind if guys think of me as a sex object, as long as they realize I'm seeing them as my bitches!

eep! i'd love to be some lady's b*tch.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Speak for yourself SG.
I need sex.

Errr...no
I don't treat all women as a sex object,...only Eve