Mental health foundatio publication- 'The lonely society'

[Shetland]

applogoies if this has been mentioned before in the past. It is the closest I have found to empirical research, and although I don't find it a cause to celebrate, it has answered a lot of my own questions. I now know why I've been vulnerable, why GPs have failed to recognise my problems and why I have failed to find a sense of belonging. It's a particulary good article for thoes who suffer from chronic loneliness- the sort that has been around for many years,leading to having few friends and failure in other important aspects of life.

Whilst it is a good article, I don't want to place ideas in anyone's thoughts. Personally, I know that this is my situation, genuinely, and has been something I have wanted to understand. It dosen't make me feel positive about the future, I'm a 40 year old male whose problems have so far been frustrating, but ultilmately manageable. But Ive had the lot, isolation, employment problems, ending up stuck in a place I know no one. The loneliness has been real, and biting. I fear the future in terms of continued failure, and the practical aspects of ageing alone.

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/the-lonely-society/

It ties into my earlier question about causes of loneliness

 

[iris]

Hi, Shetland. I only wanted to say that I too have been so lonely for many years. My life has been so boring, yet so surreal. If I would relate it to anyone, I surely wouldn't be believed. Feeling fear for most things is a mistake. I've always been painfully shy... yet I liked people, I wanted to know what they're all about and I wanted them to like me too. Have I wanted too much?... Meanwhile, I've learned how to deal with some things that caused me pain in the past and.. I'm going forward. Perhaps life is an initiatory path and we have to keep learning.

Also, regrets are useless emotions.

 

[Shetland]

I haven't really had a boring life, I've done allsorts really. But I've failed to make friends in any of this and now life has settled into a way where I have little but a job that requires me to work from 'home'- I neither look forward to going 'home' or going to work, and even weekends have become a bit of stress having to fill the time.

have you asked too much? I don't know, I'm realising lonelieness is a complex subject, with a lot of stigma, self fulfilling and possibly contagious. I know recently I have found my answers, but it hasn't helped in any way.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I find this kind of offensive "People who are lonely feel that they are disliked, are often self-involved and lack empathy with others."

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I however find this interesting " When people feel lonely, a ‘stepping back’ occurs. They start to send out signals, often non-verbal ones, telling other people to ‘leave me by myself, I don’t need you, go away’. They feel shame that they are different from everyone else and they get stuck in this ‘stepped back’ position. They feel more left out, and act in a hostile way. Being in this entrenched position makes it harder and harder to interact with others."

Also this is interesting "People who are completely isolated can risk losing their minds because they have no one to help them get a perspective. There’s an interesting interplay between loneliness and serious psychiatric conditions, such as paranoia, anxiety and depression. Loneliness is often a factor."

I struggle though to not think that some of this writing is a bit patronizing.

 

[Walley]

I struggle though to not think that some of this writing is a bit patronizing.

I think it's probably a bit more generalizing. not everyone will fall into these catergoies.
like for instance; "People who are lonely feel that they are disliked, are often self-involved and lack empathy with others."
that may very well describe some people (i know someone who fits the bill) but i also know others (including myself) that are complete opposites to that in every way.

 

[Shetland]

I find this kind of offensive "People who are lonely feel that they are disliked, are often self-involved and lack empathy with others."

---

I however find this interesting " When people feel lonely, a ‘stepping back’ occurs. They start to send out signals, often non-verbal ones, telling other people to ‘leave me by myself, I don’t need you, go away’. They feel shame that they are different from everyone else and they get stuck in this ‘stepped back’ position. They feel more left out, and act in a hostile way. Being in this entrenched position makes it harder and harder to interact with others."

Also this is interesting "People who are completely isolated can risk losing their minds because they have no one to help them get a perspective. There’s an interesting interplay between loneliness and serious psychiatric conditions, such as paranoia, anxiety and depression. Loneliness is often a factor."

I struggle though to not think that some of this writing is a bit patronizing.

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I'm glad someone has picked out the empathy comment. I'm working on something at the moment where empathy is considered important. I didn't agree with the statement in the text, but it had me wondering if 'loss of empathy' could happen.

I do feel that I have been close to paranoia, depression etc, but those feelings come and go and so far haven't been 'restrictively deep'. For instance,I can be in a depressive mood, but then something will change (could be something as slight as a day not having to work alone) and the balance is restored- where as someone suffering from depression might not react to good news. I certianly associate the place I live with feeling depressed though, some nights I'd rather just sit in the car instead.

On the whole though It seems to me a good thing that effects of lonlieness are being recognised as a problem in their own right.

 

[SophiaGrace]

i agree with the sentiment of your statement Shetland.