Misreading my intentions?

[LifeIsElusive]

I think often times when I ask people or a girl to hangout or go do something they misinterpret my intentions. As for other guys it might be because they are interested in the girl, but for me its that I would just like some company or someone to talk to. Maybe I don't say things correctly, but i don't really want to say "because I need a friend"..

I guess I get turned away from girls even when I pursue friendship.. I'm not trying to get with them.. I just don't want to always be alone..

Anyone else with similar instances?

 

[Lowlander]

Well, in nowadays society, especially when it comes to opposite gender contact (male talks to female and vice versa) people are most of the times inclined to believe that you're after the other person for a romance, for love. However, what most people forget, opposite genders CAN actually be just FRIENDS.

I have a best girlfriend, we're not romantically related, we're just best friends, we both cherish our friendship'.

 

[Tuppence]

Guys can be just the same. Maybe I can't quite blame them completely, as I'm better at flirting than casual chat. But even when I make the effort not to flirt, I usually get groped or asked out on a date. Even showing them my engagement ring doesn't always help. It's a shame. It feels like I'm cut off from being friends with half the population.

I don't know if this is possible but maybe you could try talking to them on email or text and not ask to see them? I know this probably isn't really what you want but a platonic relationship over email or text might help reassure them your intentions are honourable?

 

[MadMonkè]

shy people always get read wrong... maybe its the reason why they are shy - circular reasoning...

anyway... I've had that happen to me several times... but a few drinks should solve that problem...

 

[Regumika]

shy people always get read wrong... maybe its the reason why they are shy - circular reasoning...

anyway... I've had that happen to me several times... but a few drinks should solve that problem...

"drinking doesn't fix the problem, but neither does drinking milk" =)

To the OP, it is definitely a problem with the world. single people live their life for one reason, a future. and most of the time, the future includes a mate. so its not uncommon for people to always think that you are trying to find a mate if you are single. is it their fault? not really. is it your fault? no. it's just the way society is and we just have to live with the challenges.

then.. you have to also understand what 'friends' mean. people at work, or go out for drinks on occasion, are not 'friends'. they are hangout buddies.

hangout buddies - there when you want to hang out, not there when you are in a pinch. (physcially or emotionally)
friends - not there when you want to hang out, there when you are in a pinch.

also, hangout buddies only hang out when there is something to do. they dont just hang out, and talk.. movies, shopping..

 

[lusker]

It's because 'life' is illusive, LifeIsElusive!

The myth that everybody else has a bunch of really close friends they see often, confide their most intimate secrets with, and solve tricksy mysteries with in the company of plucky redheads and talking dogs. None of it is real. Ask someone you envy because they seem to have an idyllic life socially, how often they actually see their best friends. For people in my age bracket (40's married with mortgage, job and kids) it is rarely more than two or three times a year. Eventually, family takes over everything until you get to retirement age, and then you're stuck having to make friends again.

Applying a cost-benefit analysis to life, I'd say work on finding your Significant Other, rather than a bunch of largely irrelevant 'friends' who will eventually abandon you anyway. Let somebody else play The Hardy Boys.

 

[Omnisiac]

I agree with lusker. Finding someone you can relate to and have an intimate time with is the best choice. Lets face it.

A guy can have a girlfriend as a friend as long as she or he is unattractive and the other isn't. (some) Women will have sex with men for familiarity's sake alone, especially after a few drinks as long as the above isn't true but depends on how impaired they are. Lets say this happens and you sleep with her. You have just ruined your friendship because whichever side of that one your are on its not likely that anything more is going to happen.

Best stick with the natural order of desire rather than try and frustrate yourself with being a girl's friend and then finding out you really like her. That would suck. You are better than that. You deserve to be loved too. We all do.

 

[LonelyLola]

Having many successful relationships with the opposite sex, some of which I had sex with and some I did not, I want to say that if girls are uninterested in hanging out, oh well. If you have something in common with people it is easy to become their friend, if not, move on.

Yes, they may be misreading your intentions. The important thing is to stay friendly and just keep being yourself. The idea that you shouldn't bother to try and be friends with a girl because at some point sex might get in the way means you are missing out on possible friendships with half the population. I find guys who can't be friends with girls usually have a more chauvinistic view of gender roles/equality than they like to admit.

 

[DeadSun]

I think often times when I ask people or a girl to hangout or go do something they misinterpret my intentions. As for other guys it might be because they are interested in the girl, but for me its that I would just like some company or someone to talk to. Maybe I don't say things correctly, but i don't really want to say "because I need a friend"..

I guess I get turned away from girls even when I pursue friendship.. I'm not trying to get with them.. I just don't want to always be alone..

Anyone else with similar instances?

This might be totally wrong, but maybe sometimes the reason you get shot down is because they don't misinterpret your intentions.
I mean maybe they don't want to bother with a guy who just wants to be friends. I know if there was a girl I was interested in and she made it clear she just wanted to be friends I'd probably lose my interest pretty fast.