Knyght
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- Dec 21, 2010
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Hi. For the sake of not being stalked I'll go by my username Knyght. But I will tell you that I'm 16. Considering the title of my thread some of you guys will probably think "Oh, she's just a teenager. Of course her Dad doesn't understand her." But I feel like I'm a really old teenager for just being 16.
Let me tell you about my family. I'm the baby of the house. My brother is just a year and two days older than me and I live with both my parents and a cat and some fish.
When people see my brother and I they call us the "perfect siblings" this is because we argue just about every day that we're by each other. I don't like to argue with him. I just hate him.(He's stupid and a gigalo. He's still a virgin, which surprises me considering he goes out with every ugly whore he can find.) The arguing drives my parents insane. Especially my Mom. She's a hard working woman who also cooks and cleans the house because my Dad won't do anything. This not only stresses my Mom out, considering she does just about any job she can find, but it stresses me out also because my Dad usually orders me to help her(which isn't necassary considering she orders me to help her, this is because she knows when she asks him for help he'll just order me) when he's just sitting on his ass watching TV. She usually wakes up at about 5 o clock in the morning either because of work or because of the cat. Then she cooks us breakfast and then heads off every Friday or other day to clean a rich lady's house.(She usually takes me with her to clean and usually makes me help her cook breakfast. Instead of a "Good Morning" I get a "Throw this out for me.") Then when she gets back she nags at my brother and I to clean. Which we usually don't do(6 years of listening to that, I got tired about after the second year, that's also the time I started counseling, I was 12) Dad never really hears this because he's at work. He works in construction so he also takes any job he can find. Currently he's working for the husband of the rich lady my Mom works for, I guess he uses this as an excuse for taking us along. Mom, already tired, does the best she can, even though she isn't getting paid. And I just try. Construction work is hard. And I realize that my Dad can't renovate a whole house by himself but I really just don't want to do anything. Yeah I know I sound pretty lazy. But that's the truth. Even when I see my own parents tired and working hard I don't even feel an iota of compassion to help them. In fact, I just feel sad(I don't know why I feel sad, I wish I would be angry or, weridly, even happy but nope I feel sad and it sucks because it ruins my entire day) and the only thought that goes through my mind is when I'll get out of there.
But onto my Dad.
My Dad thinks that just supporting us with money and gifts is loving us. But I really don't feel loved at all. I can say that I have so many more things than an only child with the same income because my parents work hard for that stuff. But I would trade it all away in a heartbeat if I could have their understanding. They don't know me at all. When I'm mad they yell at me and when I'm sad they give me things. And I hate it. I wish they would just talk to me and understand why. But I can't every talk to them because it would end in a beating. Yeah that's another problem. Now don't get all worked up over the "beatings" because it's not everyday anytime. It's once in a blue moon when I just don't shut up. Usually we'll be arguing about "how crazy I am" and then I'll try to explain something and my Dad will mock it and then I yell back and BAM. There goes the first strike. My parents don't know me because:
1. If they did know me truly they would seriously hate me. I'm not a bad kid but they don't like "my kind of thinking"
2. I don't talk to them because it usually ends up in arguments
3. I don't "talk" to them because it would end up in more beatings than I want.( One is too many, but I've had several spanning since my childhood until now, which isn't many considering it's 16 years but it doesn't change the fact that they physically suck and emotionally scar me)
Well that's as much as my family that I can put down in words that shouldn't drive you crazy from reading.(The rest I could make a book out of.) Anyways, because of my family I find myself wishing that I was crazy because maybe then I'll have an excuse for the loneliness of not being understood. It really sucks when you have no one in your family to turn to. To confide in. I actually used to have a counselor because I had severe depression. But 3 years I was dismissed because I was "cured" but I still am mildly depressed. Not as much as I was when I was, I would say "young", but it still sucks alot. Depression sucks. Severe depression blows. And thoughts about suicide kill.( Pun intended, trying to put a light on this situation)
It's pretty lonely being like this but I keep telling myself just 2 more years and I'll be long gone. And I know that there are people out there that have it worse than me. There are probably people reading this that are going "Get a grip of yourself you pansy. You don't have it bad." And to them I probably don't, but I'm not them. I don't know what if feels to have it worse than this and thank God I don't. I'd probably wouldn't even be writing this if I had it worse.(Because I would be dead. This is no joke. I was one phone call away from being on Suicide Watch when I was "young")
This is my life and to me it sucks. I try to find the light in the situation but when your lonely it's really hard to. I know there are people out there reading this that have gone through this same exact situation and I beg of you. Tell me how you got through this crap. Because I'm on the brink of overflowing again and sinking into that hell of depression I was in a few years back. (P.S. if you even suggest that I talk to my Dad let me tell you I HAVE TRIED OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, I start a conversation and it ends in disaster, we have even had FAMILY COUNSELING SESSIONS but NOTHING WORKS. It's been years since the war between me and my Dad has started and I don't think it will end until I freaking blow my brains out. I need a new solution. Something that will actually work in this dysfunctional family of mine.)
If you made it to the end of this "autobiography" God bless your soul, you are a saint. And actually writing this for the entire internet to see makes me feel good. Like a the roads and the cities and the people on the world on my shoulders has been lifted off. It feels nice. It won't be the last you hear of me though. Sadly.
Let me tell you about my family. I'm the baby of the house. My brother is just a year and two days older than me and I live with both my parents and a cat and some fish.
When people see my brother and I they call us the "perfect siblings" this is because we argue just about every day that we're by each other. I don't like to argue with him. I just hate him.(He's stupid and a gigalo. He's still a virgin, which surprises me considering he goes out with every ugly whore he can find.) The arguing drives my parents insane. Especially my Mom. She's a hard working woman who also cooks and cleans the house because my Dad won't do anything. This not only stresses my Mom out, considering she does just about any job she can find, but it stresses me out also because my Dad usually orders me to help her(which isn't necassary considering she orders me to help her, this is because she knows when she asks him for help he'll just order me) when he's just sitting on his ass watching TV. She usually wakes up at about 5 o clock in the morning either because of work or because of the cat. Then she cooks us breakfast and then heads off every Friday or other day to clean a rich lady's house.(She usually takes me with her to clean and usually makes me help her cook breakfast. Instead of a "Good Morning" I get a "Throw this out for me.") Then when she gets back she nags at my brother and I to clean. Which we usually don't do(6 years of listening to that, I got tired about after the second year, that's also the time I started counseling, I was 12) Dad never really hears this because he's at work. He works in construction so he also takes any job he can find. Currently he's working for the husband of the rich lady my Mom works for, I guess he uses this as an excuse for taking us along. Mom, already tired, does the best she can, even though she isn't getting paid. And I just try. Construction work is hard. And I realize that my Dad can't renovate a whole house by himself but I really just don't want to do anything. Yeah I know I sound pretty lazy. But that's the truth. Even when I see my own parents tired and working hard I don't even feel an iota of compassion to help them. In fact, I just feel sad(I don't know why I feel sad, I wish I would be angry or, weridly, even happy but nope I feel sad and it sucks because it ruins my entire day) and the only thought that goes through my mind is when I'll get out of there.
But onto my Dad.
My Dad thinks that just supporting us with money and gifts is loving us. But I really don't feel loved at all. I can say that I have so many more things than an only child with the same income because my parents work hard for that stuff. But I would trade it all away in a heartbeat if I could have their understanding. They don't know me at all. When I'm mad they yell at me and when I'm sad they give me things. And I hate it. I wish they would just talk to me and understand why. But I can't every talk to them because it would end in a beating. Yeah that's another problem. Now don't get all worked up over the "beatings" because it's not everyday anytime. It's once in a blue moon when I just don't shut up. Usually we'll be arguing about "how crazy I am" and then I'll try to explain something and my Dad will mock it and then I yell back and BAM. There goes the first strike. My parents don't know me because:
1. If they did know me truly they would seriously hate me. I'm not a bad kid but they don't like "my kind of thinking"
2. I don't talk to them because it usually ends up in arguments
3. I don't "talk" to them because it would end up in more beatings than I want.( One is too many, but I've had several spanning since my childhood until now, which isn't many considering it's 16 years but it doesn't change the fact that they physically suck and emotionally scar me)
Well that's as much as my family that I can put down in words that shouldn't drive you crazy from reading.(The rest I could make a book out of.) Anyways, because of my family I find myself wishing that I was crazy because maybe then I'll have an excuse for the loneliness of not being understood. It really sucks when you have no one in your family to turn to. To confide in. I actually used to have a counselor because I had severe depression. But 3 years I was dismissed because I was "cured" but I still am mildly depressed. Not as much as I was when I was, I would say "young", but it still sucks alot. Depression sucks. Severe depression blows. And thoughts about suicide kill.( Pun intended, trying to put a light on this situation)
It's pretty lonely being like this but I keep telling myself just 2 more years and I'll be long gone. And I know that there are people out there that have it worse than me. There are probably people reading this that are going "Get a grip of yourself you pansy. You don't have it bad." And to them I probably don't, but I'm not them. I don't know what if feels to have it worse than this and thank God I don't. I'd probably wouldn't even be writing this if I had it worse.(Because I would be dead. This is no joke. I was one phone call away from being on Suicide Watch when I was "young")
This is my life and to me it sucks. I try to find the light in the situation but when your lonely it's really hard to. I know there are people out there reading this that have gone through this same exact situation and I beg of you. Tell me how you got through this crap. Because I'm on the brink of overflowing again and sinking into that hell of depression I was in a few years back. (P.S. if you even suggest that I talk to my Dad let me tell you I HAVE TRIED OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, I start a conversation and it ends in disaster, we have even had FAMILY COUNSELING SESSIONS but NOTHING WORKS. It's been years since the war between me and my Dad has started and I don't think it will end until I freaking blow my brains out. I need a new solution. Something that will actually work in this dysfunctional family of mine.)
If you made it to the end of this "autobiography" God bless your soul, you are a saint. And actually writing this for the entire internet to see makes me feel good. Like a the roads and the cities and the people on the world on my shoulders has been lifted off. It feels nice. It won't be the last you hear of me though. Sadly.