My ex contacted me after 2 months

[VanillaCreme]

I'll tell you she has problems finding a man as she is a Russian woman living in saint Petersburg of 37 and still living with her mother. I live in the Netherlands and after a year of communicating and meeting we discussed about her immigrating and marriage. The more I met her the more I noticed she didn't really love me but rather only saw me as a friend, yet still wanted to get married to me. So one month before she broke up with me, I tried to test her if she would get jealous. Eg. i spoke how attractive her married girlfriend was and unfortunately she was married. She did get angry and got more and more tired of my tests.
One time she said her mother needed €500 every month if she would migrate to me. I understand her mother needs support but €500 for 1 old lady of 60 seemed suspiciously high.
Nevertheless, she did have feelings for me, one time she cried when we departed after meeting, you can't fake that. And she spoke about me to most of her friends and sister.

Sounds like you both played games then.

 

[Hawx79]

No, I really loved her, but I had red flags that made me insecure about us.

 

[Hawx79]

Update: She wrote me again on facebook. After the last time she wrote she would never write me again. I expected her to keep her word, but she didn't.
She wrote me saying she was in pain because her boyfriend broke up with her because he wanted a woman closer to home instead from Russia. And telling me that he was a Italian guy living in Germany and that he would fly around the world every week, visiting places as Mexico, Africa and Asia. That he was a good cook, played piano and was everyday communicating with her and sending pictures. And how much her own mother approved of him by seeing his pictures.
She also told me that she loved him, but they only met once. And that he wanted to have sex with her.
And that she found a new job where she will make alot money now.
This whole story seems fishy to me and I asked her for a picture of this man she loved so much but she said she deleted them all.
So again I tried to renew out relationship with her and again she said she is unable to compel herself to fall in love with me but wanted to have me as a chat friend
That really hurt me reading that! She knows very well I still have feelings for her!
Even if its true, its so disrespectful of her telling me about her boyfriend that she loved but only met once and pretend I'm a eunuch!

 

[TheRealCallie]

If it hurts you so much, why not just block her?

 

[user 139760]

Sometimes you have to be the bad guy.

You blocked her and deleted her, good. Ignore her.
Yeah it hurts. Yeah it's hard.
But it's better.
You're just prolonging the agony.
She might not know it, but so is she. Doesn't seem like she cares much either.

 

[Hawx79]

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If it hurts you so much, why not just block her?

I haven't blocked her because I keep hoping she will change her mind about me and decide to renew our relationship.

She might not know it, but so is she. Doesn't seem like she cares much either.

So is she? You mean she is suffering too?

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you refuse to block her, then all the pain you are suffering is on you, not her. You are the one that continues to allow it to happen.

 

[user 139760]

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If it hurts you so much, why not just block her?

I haven't blocked her because I keep hoping she will change her mind about me and decide to renew our relationship.

She might not know it, but so is she. Doesn't seem like she cares much either.

So is she? You mean she is suffering too?

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It's really hard to say, even with what you're writing. She might be, she might be confused, she might be a bit lost...or not. It's difficult to determine how people handle these things. Also, it's hard to know if people are straight shooters or not, even in what they are saying. Sounds to me like both of you move between "I know what to do" and "I changed my mind", right?

However, personally, I believe you made the right choice by severing connection to begin with, because lingering often leads to complications. However, by not doing the same, or playing yoyo, she's causing you both pain. My mentality is, if she really did love you, well, she'd respect your wishes and make an effort, despite her not agreeing with it. She'd keep her distance. I hurt someone long ago and I have as well, even though it's been almost a decade, there's not a day goes by I don't miss her or regret ever leaving her. She hates me now, what's done is done. But prolonging this...it can only hurt you both. Taking some times will help things in the long run. She needs to forget, just like you do.
It's either that, or the other alternative, that she reaches out to you because she wants you to be friends, but in selfishness, doesn't understand or care that you hurt every time. That's not good either.

Again, that's just my two cents. It's not an absolute and the choice remains yours. However...what's done is done. When it's done, you walk away and carry only what you took of the relationship. Ain't no sense in keeping things alive and keep on hurting day by day.

Good luck, man.

 

[Hawx79]

Thanks for your insight and advice. You know she said im a good man but she is unable to love me and that she usually likes "bad man". Her previous boyfriends were either on drugs or just wanted sex. She hoped to better them, in vain.
And yeah she has a selfish and manipulative character, but no one is perfect.

 

[user 139760]

Thanks for your insight and advice. You know she said im a good man but she is unable to love me and that she usually likes "bad man". Her previous boyfriends were either on drugs or just wanted sex. She hoped to better them, in vain.
And yeah she has a selfish and manipulative character, not no one is perfect.

Well, you can do better than that. If that's her, that's on her. It's her responsibility to at least want to help herself instead of making the same mistakes over and over again.
As cliched as it sounds, there's other fish in the sea. Some that are a lot more fun and less complicated to be around.
Just hang in there. There's someone for everyone on this planet.

 

[Becka]

It sounds like she wants it both ways.

She wants another guy - but then wants to keep you around as a spare.

Only my rule is once someone cheats and it's over .. it stays over.

There's no coming back from that.

Scorched Earth policy.

You'll meet someone else.