My life is ruined

[CKJ]

Well, let's see. I'm 20, and I have long since given up trying to talk to people. I have no friends, and everyone I have ever met seems to end up hating me or at least are annoyed by me. I'm failing my college classes and I absolutely despise it in general. My parents, one of whom is a borderline nutcase, completely control my life like I'm still 12 years old. I'm completely useless to a humiliating degree, not knowing how to cook, do laundary, talk to other people, write reports, understand technology, manage finances, etc. I have never tried to talk to a girl in my entire life unless I was forced to. I'm seeing a counselor but he hasn't been much help so far.

The only reason I haven't killed myself is due to my own cowardice.

Does anyone relate, or have some suggestions to turn this hopeless situation around?

 

[Olde shoe]

Well, let's see. I'm 20, and I have long since given up trying to talk to people. I have no friends, and everyone I have ever met seems to end up hating me or at least are annoyed by me. I'm failing my college classes and I absolutely despise it in general. My parents, one of whom is a borderline nutcase, completely control my life like I'm still 12 years old. I'm completely useless to a humiliating degree, not knowing how to cook, do laundary, talk to other people, write reports, understand technology, manage finances, etc. I have never tried to talk to a girl in my entire life unless I was forced to. I'm seeing a counselor but he hasn't been much help so far.

The only reason I haven't killed myself is due to my own cowardice.

Does anyone relate, or have some suggestions to turn this hopeless situation around?

I'm 31 and have long since lost the desire to talk to people. I have no friends or family and I'm hated at my workplace. I'm lazy to talk to women and get to know them. We have a lot in common. So, in many ways I can relate but as for suggestions, I don't really have any

 

[man of one]

Yes i can relate, i am 22 and also doing bad at college and real behind on it i hate that hellhole, i have tried like only 3 times to get a girl to no avail so i have never had a gf and like you i feel horrible and like im not good at anything academically or socially, i looked for help with a psichologist but it did nothing at all. Sometimes i want to die too but don't do it cause of fear..

I don't have any advice obviously cause im in more or less in the same place as you but i hope i can provide some comfort in showing you that other people are going though the same thing...much luck my friend

 

[A new life]

Never give up
you can learn to do all those things
if this therapist does not work out, try something else or someone else.
Take baby steps, but don't give up.

 

[cZard]

Learn how to cook, work technology, etc. That stuff isn't something people just know, it's something they learn... Why do you think they're annoying by you? Do you complain about being lonely, depressed or something? That does get annoying, tbh... I'm odd, I don't mind being burdened by people but most people hate it. Everyone wants to be around someone who's willing to have fun because it's FUN. That's what people want, especially when they're 20 years old FUN FUN FUN It's fun, man. People don't even care too much if you're annoying as long as you have fun (I use myself as an example, I can be annoying as all hell but I have fun and try and drag others into my fun. Even if that's annoying they sorta enjoy it).
Do you tease people for harmless fun? That can get annoying, it's really hard to get the right balance for teasing in everyone's head. You may think it's harmless but they could think you're just an ass. That sort of humour is best kept away from. Not accusing you, but it is a possibility as I don't know you.
You keep telling yourself your hopeless? You think your hopeless? That's an attitude problem, no matter how much you suck say you're awesome, try and convince people and you'll end up convincing yourself. Say you're awesome, and succeed no matter what. <MUCH easier said than done. I can't do that when I'm tired, I get wayyyyy too depressed. But when I'm not tired and if my diet's been good then I feel like I can rule the world effortlessly.
Bring's me to the next thing, what's your diet like? Do you eat healthy foods? Eating junk all the time can actually make you feel like crap mentally as well as physically... So yeah, just saying it's something to watch out for.

Not saying all this will apply to you, but it's just possible answers that you should explore if you haven't already.

Also, here's a fun game for work and other places you HAVE to go to. Even when it's someone you can't stand, try making them like you. You're still allowed to hate them but just do your best to make them like you. It's fun and makes life a LOT easier.


Btw, I'm 19, go to uni and can't get close to anyone. I have no close friends but plenty of "normal" friends that I really just made at the start of this year. I also feel like that I push people away pretty fast, I'm really good at ending friendships... But I'm telling myself that won't happen this time. Making small friendships that you don't really care about is easy, getting close to people and making close, long lasting friendships isn't. THAT'S where you have to put in effort and that's what I'm trying to do. I'm also struggling in my courses, although passing (I think) so I can sort of relate to what you're saying.

Oh, and don't take baby steps, take giant leaps and if you fall down get your arse up and leap again. If you aim for your best you'll achieve less, if you aim for THE best then the worst you can do is your best.

 

[kamya]

Why do you want to kill yourself?

You can learn all of those things. You have to learn by doing, the skills don't just manifest out of nowhere.

You can start doing your own laundry, you don't have to ask permission. The instructions are on the machines. It might be harder to learn cooking while you still live at home but most people don't become good at cooking until they are on their own and they have to do it every day. Even then, recipes are usually very specific. As long as you can follow directions you will do fine. It's the same with most technologies. They come with manuals. On that note, people do not come with manuals. I'm still trying to get that part figured out.

For the finances, you can go to youtube and learn how to do that, or take a class on it. It's easier to learn when you actually have money to work with, but you can still prepare.

As for failing college...so what? College isn't meant for everyone. You are going to have a hard time accomplishing anything staying in college if you despise it. At this rate you are wasting time and money while getting nothing in return. You're 20 years old, don't let your parents decide what you are going to do with your life. Try honeysuckle out. See what you like. Who knows, maybe you learn to make food and decide being a hot dog vender is your life's calling.

Your life isn't ruined, you are just letting others drive it for you. It's your life and you need to start taking control of it.

 

[CKJ]

By sheer coincidence I was fired at my job today for a frivolous reason. But what prompted me to come here was the fact that I was forced to drop out of a class yesterday just because I couldn't work well in a group and I had absolutely no clue what to do. I desperately need social skills, but that's something that can't really be taught in a classroom.

I'm trapped in a world where literally everyone seems to hate me, including my parents who I hold personally responsible for raising me to be as insecure and nutty as they are.

I can't think of a single major that interests me in college. None. I went through the list and I hated them all. I'm currently an accounting major, but I quickly found out that I hated that too. Every time I try to study my mind instantly shuts down.

Basically I see myself having three options:

1) Stay at home with my parents and be a bum. This looks like the most likely option, even though I find interacting with my parents to be a form of torture (you would have to experience it to believe it).

2) Find a menial job and live in a tiny apartment alone for the rest of my life, just scraping by day to day.

3) Keep taking classes until I'm 30 years old, then get a degree in something I don't understand and can't put to any practical use.

 

[Spare]

I desperately need social skills, but that's something that can't really be taught in a classroom.

You may not believe me, but while social skills are not specifically TAUGHT in in a classroom, they absolutely can be LEARNED in a classroom.
The only way to learn social skills is to socialize, and a classroom environment is as good a place as any for this. Heck, it's better than most.

Good luck!

 

[man of one]

By sheer coincidence I was fired at my job today for a frivolous reason. But what prompted me to come here was the fact that I was forced to drop out of a class yesterday just because I couldn't work well in a group and I had absolutely no clue what to do. I desperately need social skills, but that's something that can't really be taught in a classroom.

I'm trapped in a world where literally everyone seems to hate me, including my parents who I hold personally responsible for raising me to be as insecure and nutty as they are.

I can't think of a single major that interests me in college. None. I went through the list and I hated them all. I'm currently an accounting major, but I quickly found out that I hated that too. Every time I try to study my mind instantly shuts down.

Basically I see myself having three options:

1) Stay at home with my parents and be a bum. This looks like the most likely option, even though I find interacting with my parents to be a form of torture (you would have to experience it to believe it).

2) Find a menial job and live in a tiny apartment alone for the rest of my life, just scraping by day to day.

3) Keep taking classes until I'm 30 years old, then get a degree in something I don't understand and can't put to any practical use.

wow you sound like me!, i too have dropped classes cause of that or quite simply fearing to talk in front of class i have Social Anxiety so that is always something that affects me, i also don't have much of a clue of what i want to do and im also in accounting at the moment and i kinda like it but i have yet to go real deep into it to tell if it's for me..again just saying this to show you are not alone..

Of the 3 options go with #3 even if you finish at 30 years old you will still finish and have a degree , i am also finishing real late the way im going but im still gonna try for the degree since that is something we can use for the rest of our lives and comes in handy, and just so you know my grandpa ended college in 10 years for an acounting degree and he turned out fine and had a good job, so even if you are behind like me forget about that and just try to finish with a degree cause it helps when looking for a good job..and all the people that are working in accounting atm that i know of say you learn at the job not at college, college is more basic theory stuff it's at the job you really learn what to do, so don't worry they don't expect you to come in knowing everything they will teach you..

 

[kamya]

Joining the military might be an option you could look in to.

I still think you should forget about college for now. Its a waste of time and money if you are just going to drop your classes. Even if you get a menial job at least you can move out and start learning how to take care of yourself. As long as you only have to worry about yourself you can save up money and take classes or start some kind of training later on.

No one expects you have everything in order when you're 20.

 

[CKJ]

I'm just embarassed that I'm so useless and immature. I even still watch kid shows on TV, while I can't stand anything else. The only thing I can do is take specific orders from someone else. I can show no individual initiative whatsoever, on the rare occassions I do it turns into a disaster. My parents have often taken away my homework and do it for me because I'm too incompetent to do it good enough myself.

I'm too cowardly to join the military.

My only hobby is compiling statistics on random things that I feel like compiling.

 

[alonewanderer]

Your life isn't ruined, I thought you were going to say you were a heroin/crack addicted, cross dressing male hooker that recently contracted aids and has a huge anal prolapse....

Kid you got time, the one thing a lot of folks don't have.

Start looking at the brighter side of things, the cup isn't half full or half empty, it's still full because air still counts.

 

[CKJ]

The problem is that while there is plenty of time, I see no way out of my predicament because my development as a child and teenager has effectively crippled me for life in the sense that there is no confidence, no experience, only failure and embarassment.

 

[alonewanderer]

Takes time buddy, no way around it either, it still takes a lot from me to exhibit social skills and most of the time it's after I downed a few drinks. We could do a comparison of our lives and it would seem eerily similar but now I get called extremely confident/borderline cocky, just takes time.

Some days are harder some days are easier, carpe diem vae victus. The moment you stop caring about other's perception is the moment you're free from any earthly limits. Also if you want to learn how to do any of those things no matter how awkward the results may turn out, you just do it, and do it, and do it, over and over until you are satisfied with the results.