Hi everyone!
I am hoping to get some insight as to whether or not I'm doing the right thing by NOT maintaining contact with my mother.
My mother was abusive to me as a child in every way you can imagine (save sexually), so I resent her anyway. She is still emotionally and mentally abusive, but I try to deal with it because she's my mother and she's lonely. I am her friend, confidant, and personal accountant. She relies on me heavily, so I try to never let her down.
Part of never letting her down is having to call her at least three times a day, which I find ridiculous. Recently, she asked me to check her bank account and inform her of her balance. I didn't think I had to do it ASAP, but apparently, I did. I called her later to let her know, and she was angry that I hadn't let her know earlier. She didn't answer my phone calls and did not call me for a bit over a day. I called her, like I always do. A few days later, I was on the phone with her when my fiance walked in. She said, "Well, I'll talk to you later" (not even the other way around). I called her later and she said, "You didn't have time to talk to me when I had time" and couldn't talk to me because she was at work (she was mad, so she wouldn't have talked to me anyway). Once again, I called, trying to be the bigger person. She did not answer the phone. On the third try, I told her that it would be up to her to call me. It's been three days, and I have not called and she has not called me. And this is the worst offense to me - she kicked me out of her house for visiting my boyfriend (who lived in another city) on the Friday and Saturday before Mother's Day Sunday - not Mother's Day but the Friday and Saturday before it. I was on my way home that Mother's Day, and she told me I needed to find somewhere else to live. Instantly, I had to give up my job because I didn't have a home there anymore. I've been unemployed every since. Thus, I had to move back in with my deadbeat boyfriend.
But she does some good. She has given me hundreds of dollars during my long-term unemployment. In fact, she recently gave me $200 for my car payment, saving it from repossession, for my birthday. And though she was abusive to me as a kid (I'm talking extreme abuse - pulling hair out, punching, name-calling, etc.), I never wanted for any material thing. And, finally, she's my adopted mother. I don't know my real parents, so ... I'm lucky in that I could have just been claimed by no one as an infant.
My mother KNOWS what I am going through. I am trapped in a relationship because I have no other place to go. I have been unemployed for over seven months and have lost several necessities, such as car insurance, health insurance and the ability to finish my dental treatment. And, worst of all, as my membership here might suggest, I'm ... alone and lonely. I have only her and a boyfriend who'd sooner spend time with his computer than with me. That's all I have. And ... I'm super emotional because of losing everything. She knows this. I can't depend on her; so easily her love is withdrawn when I don't call on time.
I'm tired of being the bigger person. In the past, I've said, "What if she dies tomorrow? What if YOU die tomorrow?" But I notice that I feel even more resentment for her than before when I have to call her, pretending like I'm not still hurt.
Am I wrong to cease contact with her?
Thank you for your advice!
I am hoping to get some insight as to whether or not I'm doing the right thing by NOT maintaining contact with my mother.
My mother was abusive to me as a child in every way you can imagine (save sexually), so I resent her anyway. She is still emotionally and mentally abusive, but I try to deal with it because she's my mother and she's lonely. I am her friend, confidant, and personal accountant. She relies on me heavily, so I try to never let her down.
Part of never letting her down is having to call her at least three times a day, which I find ridiculous. Recently, she asked me to check her bank account and inform her of her balance. I didn't think I had to do it ASAP, but apparently, I did. I called her later to let her know, and she was angry that I hadn't let her know earlier. She didn't answer my phone calls and did not call me for a bit over a day. I called her, like I always do. A few days later, I was on the phone with her when my fiance walked in. She said, "Well, I'll talk to you later" (not even the other way around). I called her later and she said, "You didn't have time to talk to me when I had time" and couldn't talk to me because she was at work (she was mad, so she wouldn't have talked to me anyway). Once again, I called, trying to be the bigger person. She did not answer the phone. On the third try, I told her that it would be up to her to call me. It's been three days, and I have not called and she has not called me. And this is the worst offense to me - she kicked me out of her house for visiting my boyfriend (who lived in another city) on the Friday and Saturday before Mother's Day Sunday - not Mother's Day but the Friday and Saturday before it. I was on my way home that Mother's Day, and she told me I needed to find somewhere else to live. Instantly, I had to give up my job because I didn't have a home there anymore. I've been unemployed every since. Thus, I had to move back in with my deadbeat boyfriend.
But she does some good. She has given me hundreds of dollars during my long-term unemployment. In fact, she recently gave me $200 for my car payment, saving it from repossession, for my birthday. And though she was abusive to me as a kid (I'm talking extreme abuse - pulling hair out, punching, name-calling, etc.), I never wanted for any material thing. And, finally, she's my adopted mother. I don't know my real parents, so ... I'm lucky in that I could have just been claimed by no one as an infant.
My mother KNOWS what I am going through. I am trapped in a relationship because I have no other place to go. I have been unemployed for over seven months and have lost several necessities, such as car insurance, health insurance and the ability to finish my dental treatment. And, worst of all, as my membership here might suggest, I'm ... alone and lonely. I have only her and a boyfriend who'd sooner spend time with his computer than with me. That's all I have. And ... I'm super emotional because of losing everything. She knows this. I can't depend on her; so easily her love is withdrawn when I don't call on time.
I'm tired of being the bigger person. In the past, I've said, "What if she dies tomorrow? What if YOU die tomorrow?" But I notice that I feel even more resentment for her than before when I have to call her, pretending like I'm not still hurt.
Am I wrong to cease contact with her?
Thank you for your advice!
