My problem

[Tachikaze]

I guess it started really about 6 years ago i had just broken up with the love of my life and it left me feeling very empty and alone inside, she had cheated on me with one of my best friends and had turned all my friends against me, so i went from being very outgoing to a very enclosed person, at the same time my father decided to move to the other side of the country leaving me essentially homeless as he couldnt afford for me to continue to go to college if i went with him so i stayed and thanks to my wonderful grandmother i had a roof over my head.
But i made a mistake of playing an online game which eventually led me to world of warcraft, which as some of you may or may not know can become very addictive, well for 3 1/2 years that game was my life i would work, play WoW and sleep that was it, the friends i still had left because i was never around and i became used to being alone and on my own and now i feel trapped with in it, its been 7 months since i stopped playing that game and have done things to try and change my life but i still am alone, the friends i have made are only in passing such as when i go to the gym ect i see them there but at the end of the night i am usually sat alone in my house watching tv.

Now i am at a point where making connections with people seems really difficult and i feel like an outcast from society, to be fair i am not what people would consider normal, i like anime and am heavily into martial arts. i just dont know what to do to make myself take that frst step.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Sorry for your lost, Tachikaze.

I isolated myself for a year. Yeah..I couldn't accept life on life's term..so I ran.
I had to force myself to go outside of my house to get sunshine everyday.
I still have turst issuse I'm still working through.
It's good that you're going to the gym.
I go to my meetings just to be around people. My skin used to crawed being around people.
It's helping me. It's like group therapy. Just me being able to talk in front of people is progress.
I get to talk to people after the meetings too...even though the conversation aren't in depth,
it's still progress for me in making that human connection or interaction IRL.

I flirt with the girls at the office....I think they know I'm sort of not well...becuase
they seen me and how I was before all of the insanities came into my life. (long term relationship break up)
I worked there for more than 15 years.
It's just getting me used to having interactions with other women ,again.
Plus sitting in my office looking at the screen all day...drives me up the freaken walls.

I started helping an elder man..I take him to the hospital almost everyday.
It's helping in learning how to make freinds and be a freind again...getting to know
someone better.

I go bike riding everyday for an hour...just so I go outside and be around people.
Yeah pretty much saying hi to people in passing.
Other then that, I'm pretty much single or sleep alone at night. I can't even sit still to TV atm.
I don't even allow myself to play vedio games anymore...I used to be a gamer and can get addicted
to playing games real fast. I got involved in a simulator for the past year...designing it...it's still the same.lol
I was escaping...I play my guitar, now.

I know it's me and the trust I've lost. I don't have the close connection with poeple anymore.
I've been working on myself alot too. I read and write alot. I'm working on being positive.
I'm putting one foot in front of the other...getting away from my CAVE (comfortzone).
It's sort of like a journey or a porcess for me. Still moving forward inspite of it all.
Sort of like playing an RPG game...i suppost, except it's in real life.
The ultimate game I'm playing...LIFE.
It gets monotanous sometimes at a certain stage as I build my strenght or get well again.
One of these days I'm going to run across a princess or meet freinds that's on the same quests as i am.
I'll get addicted to living eventaully
It's only been 4 months since I took a step outside of my cave or want to live again. It's getting better a little bit
at a time.