New baby blues?

[Shipster0958]

I heard many stories and warning signs of postpartum depression or "baby blues," but I seriously don't think I'm suffering from it at all. I've never had any negative feelings toward the little stinker, and as frustrated and tired as I am when I hear her wailing five minutes after I fell asleep, as soon as I pick her up it all seems worth it again.

But, I definitely have had an escalation in loneliness. She's house bound at the moment, due to some medical and weight issues. Hopefully they're just temporary and they're nothing too severe. But of course that means I rarely leave the bedroom. I get up to make bottles and do housework, but that's not exactly a vacation. I'm up all night, and have a lot of trouble sleeping during the day, seeing as we have to be up every two hours anyway.

The hubby will help sometimes, but if he has to go into work the next morning, he's pretty much exempt from nighttime duties. I find myself feeling a bit resentful, but I try to be understanding knowing how tired and completely frazzled I am, and putting myself in the scenario of going into work feeling that way. So I keep up the night time duties.

I had already moved away from all family and friends to get married, and the job I got up here last year didn't really reap any friends. I lost contact with many of my friends, and I don't have a ton of family. I was already lonely before the baby, and now I guess I'm craving some adult interaction. I am probably suffering from a massive case of cabin fever.

I don't write this at all to complain. I have a beautiful little miracle I love more than the whole world. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and be able to talk to someone about it, just so I can gain a small piece of normalcy back.

 

[PrinceOfPeace]

In my culture the entire family takes care of the baby,the whole '' it takes a village to raise a child '' concept isnt big in western society & i think thats a shame, in this day and age life is fast paced, jobs are less availble so it means moving away from family to accomodate, when familys are spread more often than not children are raised without knowing their roots, the affects are more serious than people think, it means theres no family support base no village to share burdens, sorry for this post its just that I can understand how u must feel & I sympathize

 

[EveWasFramed]

*hugs*

Shipster..

I found myself in that same position when I had my daughter. I didn't really have any help with her either. Also, my (now) ex was sent overseas (military) when she was three months old and was gone for a year. I don't know how old your baby is, but that first 6 - 9 months is definitely a trial. My little one was six weeks early - I had to feed her every hour and a half. I NEVER slept. My daughter didnt even start sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time until she was nearly six months old. I was diagnosed with mild PPD, but I often wonder if my issues were simply from NEVER sleeping. Your mind and body just don't recover properly. I had to have an emergency C-section (which is considered major abdominal surgery). Recovering from surgery (or natural child birth), taking care of a baby with special needs....it takes a toll on you. I completely understand how you feel.
My advice to you - take breaks. Even if your husband can't help that much, take every opportunity you can to have some down time for yourself. It really is the only way to stay emotionally healthy during a time like this. I wish you luck. *hug*

 

[Shipster0958]

In my culture the entire family takes care of the baby,the whole '' it takes a village to raise a child '' concept isnt big in western society & i think thats a shame, in this day and age life is fast paced, jobs are less availble so it means moving away from family to accomodate, when familys are spread more often than not children are raised without knowing their roots, the affects are more serious than people think, it means theres no family support base no village to share burdens, sorry for this post its just that I can understand how u must feel & I sympathize

Yeah, I wish my family wasn't so far away. Both my husband and I have small families as well. She does get to see grandparents on the weekends though.

---

*hugs*

Shipster..

I found myself in that same position when I had my daughter. I didn't really have any help with her either. Also, my (now) ex was sent overseas (military) when she was three months old and was gone for a year. I don't know how old your baby is, but that first 6 - 9 months is definitely a trial. My little one was six weeks early - I had to feed her every hour and a half. I NEVER slept. My daughter didnt even start sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time until she was nearly six months old. I was diagnosed with mild PPD, but I often wonder if my issues were simply from NEVER sleeping. Your mind and body just don't recover properly. I had to have an emergency C-section (which is considered major abdominal surgery). Recovering from surgery (or natural child birth), taking care of a baby with special needs....it takes a toll on you. I completely understand how you feel.
My advice to you - take breaks. Even if your husband can't help that much, take every opportunity you can to have some down time for yourself. It really is the only way to stay emotionally healthy during a time like this. I wish you luck. *hug*

Thanks Eve *hug*

She's almost 3 weeks old. She's still really new. I had a C section as well, and I think that's made things much harder too, seeing as it's just now that I'm not having to take pain medication every four hours. My section became complicated, and now I'm also dealing with high blood pressure issues. No sleep and lots of stress aren't going to help that go down as well.

I try to take breaks. I was able to sleep a few hours straight Saturday night when a grandparent visited and stay up with her, but by midnight, she was knocking on my door saying she was exhausted and was ready for me to take her back. That was honestly probably the most sleep I had in months. I didn't sleep much my last month or two of pregnancy either.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Thanks Eve *hug*
She's almost 3 weeks old. She's still really new. I had a C section as well, and I think that's made things much harder too, seeing as it's just now that I'm not having to take pain medication every four hours. My section became complicated, and now I'm also dealing with high blood pressure issues. No sleep and lots of stress aren't going to help that go down as well.

I try to take breaks. I was able to sleep a few hours straight Saturday night when a grandparent visited and stay up with her, but by midnight, she was knocking on my door saying she was exhausted and was ready for me to take her back. That was honestly probably the most sleep I had in months. I didn't sleep much my last month or two of pregnancy either.

I sympathize. I started having sleep issues almost immediately after becoming pregnant. So, by the time the baby actually gets here, you're already sleep deprived, yes?
I had to have the C-section due to severe pre-eclampsia. My blood pressure was at 180/120 and they just KNEW I was going to have a stroke before they could remove the baby. I'd never had BP issues before the pregnancy. I still have to take the BP meds, but hopefully you'll be able to get yours under control once the stress is less and you start getting more sleep.
I just can't stress enough, the importance of taking good care of yourself. Lean on ANYONE you can to give you a break (and don't feel guilty about it).
My heart goes out to you - I know what kind of suffering (mentally, emotionally and physically) that this kind of situation can cause.

 

[Shipster0958]

Thanks Eve *hug*
She's almost 3 weeks old. She's still really new. I had a C section as well, and I think that's made things much harder too, seeing as it's just now that I'm not having to take pain medication every four hours. My section became complicated, and now I'm also dealing with high blood pressure issues. No sleep and lots of stress aren't going to help that go down as well.

I try to take breaks. I was able to sleep a few hours straight Saturday night when a grandparent visited and stay up with her, but by midnight, she was knocking on my door saying she was exhausted and was ready for me to take her back. That was honestly probably the most sleep I had in months. I didn't sleep much my last month or two of pregnancy either.

I sympathize. I started having sleep issues almost immediately after becoming pregnant. So, by the time the baby actually gets here, you're already sleep deprived, yes?
I had to have the C-section due to severe pre-eclampsia. My blood pressure was at 180/120 and they just KNEW I was going to have a stroke before they could remove the baby. I'd never had BP issues before the pregnancy. I still have to take the BP meds, but hopefully you'll be able to get yours under control once the stress is less and you start getting more sleep.
I just can't stress enough, the importance of taking good care of yourself. Lean on ANYONE you can to give you a break (and don't feel guilty about it).
My heart goes out to you - I know what kind of suffering (mentally, emotionally and physically) that this kind of situation can cause.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I didn't even have high blood pressure issues during my pregnancy. It was all afterwards. They scheduled me for a section because I had macrosomia (big baby) with high fluid. They just knew I had gestational diabetes, and was tested for it multiple times, all negative. My 3 days at the hospital, my BP hovered around 150/90ish...and the meds make it around 130ish now...just enough to be annoying. They'll keep me on meds until I get it under control, so hopefully that will be soon.

I'm glad to be able to talk to people that have been through a similar situation. About a week after my surgery, my husband was asking when I would be better and back to my old self. I'm up and around now much easier, but it was over 2 weeks before I could even sleep on my side. A lot of people don't understand that massive abdominal surgery it is.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I'm glad to be able to talk to people that have been through a similar situation. About a week after my surgery, my husband was asking when I would be better and back to my old self. I'm up and around now much easier, but it was over 2 weeks before I could even sleep on my side. A lot of people don't understand that massive abdominal surgery it is.

Im not actually sure a woman EVER goes back to "her old self." That's just my opinion thought. Having a child changes you as a person IMO.
OMG...they didnt tell me to hold a pillow to my tummy if I had to sneeze or cough.
I sneezed and almost passed out from the pain, lol!!!

 

[Shipster0958]

I'm glad to be able to talk to people that have been through a similar situation. About a week after my surgery, my husband was asking when I would be better and back to my old self. I'm up and around now much easier, but it was over 2 weeks before I could even sleep on my side. A lot of people don't understand that massive abdominal surgery it is.

Im not actually sure a woman EVER goes back to "her old self." That's just my opinion thought. Having a child changes you as a person IMO.
OMG...they didnt tell me to hold a pillow to my tummy if I had to sneeze or cough.
I sneezed and almost passed out from the pain, lol!!!

They didn't tell me either! Someone said something funny the day after I had my surgery and I laughed really hard, then just burst out in tears. It was the worst pain I ever felt! I had to cough a few days after too, and I ran and drank a bunch of water and just cleared my throat a lot. I couldn't handle a cough at that moment!

Yea, I think there's a lot of things no one tells you about a c section...you just have to experience it for yourself.

 

[Okiedokes]

I have gone through that myself when I first had my son. I was also kinda lonely before I had him because I moved away from family to get married. I basically raised him by myself as the ex husband had better things to do with his time while at home. It will definitely get easier for you when your baby's sleep patterns get more regular and when you can get out of the house. Is it possible that the grandparents can babysit the baby while you have some alone time? It is important to have that every once in awhile and it isn't selfish cause we all need a break sometimes.

If the feelings you have continue on for awhile, it might be good to talk to a doc about it. PPD can be a serious thing.

 

[Shipster0958]

I have gone through that myself when I first had my son. I was also kinda lonely before I had him because I moved away from family to get married. I basically raised him by myself as the ex husband had better things to do with his time while at home. It will definitely get easier for you when your baby's sleep patterns get more regular and when you can get out of the house. Is it possible that the grandparents can babysit the baby while you have some alone time? It is important to have that every once in awhile and it isn't selfish cause we all need a break sometimes.

If the feelings you have continue on for awhile, it might be good to talk to a doc about it. PPD can be a serious thing.

I'm definitely looking forward to more normal sleeping patters for sure. It'll surely make the difference when I can sleep a few hours in a row and be able to leave the house for more than just doctors appointments.

The grandparents can babysit during the weekends, but I haven't felt comfortable leaving her yet. I think that will be the next step. At first I thought I was the only one who could take care of her, and now I'm letting grandparents feed and change her. It just took a few weeks to snap out of that. Once I grabbed a three hour nap while a grandparent watched her, I started to learn I can give up some of the responsibilities.

Thanks for sharing your post. It's nice to know I'm not alone and being crazy about this.

 

[Bones]

While it is impossible for me to get to get pregnant, I can understand - somewhat - what you are going through now.

I was there when my ex wife had my daughter.

The epidural needle was so huge; I almost passed out just looking at it.

I could not cut the cord because I was too scared of hurting my daughter.


At any rate, my daughter and step-daughter were only one year apart.

I would wake up around 5 in the morning and feed & change both of them.

Drive home during lunch and feed & change both of them.

Come home after work and feed & change both of them.

Take care of them until bed time because my ex wife would do nothing.

After kicking my ex wife out of the house, divorcing her, etc, I was awarded custody of my daughter and she did not obtain visitation rights.

She would kick me in between the legs when I was not looking, dig her nails in me drawling blood, etc in order to try to get the house, savings, retirement, etc.

So, I had to deal with taking care of both kids, restrain myself from retaliating because I would have lost the custody battle, raising my daughter by myself, and keeping my career together all at the same time - somehow, I was awarded director at age 28 during all of this.

I had more gray hair from the stress seventeen years ago than i do now it was so bad.

Therefore, I can understand what you and others are going through, somewhat.

*hugs*

 

[ladyforsaken]

Oh my. *hugs* to all you mothers. I salute you ladies.

It sounds.... scary to be a mother. But that's what makes mothers awesome strong people (like you ladies!) right? Phew. Talk about strong and awesome.

 

[Shipster0958]

While it is impossible for me to get to get pregnant, I can understand - somewhat - what you are going through now.

I was there when my ex wife had my daughter.

The epidural needle was so huge; I almost passed out just looking at it.

I could not cut the cord because I was too scared of hurting my daughter.


At any rate, my daughter and step-daughter were only one year apart.

I would wake up around 5 in the morning and feed & change both of them.

Drive home during lunch and feed & change both of them.

Come home after work and feed & change both of them.

Take care of them until bed time because my ex wife would do nothing.

After kicking my ex wife out of the house, divorcing her, etc, I was awarded custody of my daughter and she did not obtain visitation rights.

She would kick me in between the legs when I was not looking, dig her nails in me drawling blood, etc in order to try to get the house, savings, retirement, etc.

So, I had to deal with taking care of both kids, restrain myself from retaliating because I would have lost the custody battle, raising my daughter by myself, and keeping my career together all at the same time - somehow, I was awarded director at age 28 during all of this.

I had more gray hair from the stress seventeen years ago than i do now it was so bad.

Therefore, I can understand what you and others are going through, somewhat.

*hugs*

That's wonderful how you stepped up with your kids. I usually hand mine off to the hubby when he gets home so I can jump in the shower and make dinner.

No you didn't go through childbirth, but you were and now are the primary caregiver, so I believe you know how I feel. Mom or dad, it's about who really takes care of them. In a perfect situation, it's a team effort. When I read you came home at lunch to feed and change, I was shocked. Way to go dad. You're not just "the father" that's a real DAD.

How's it going for you these days? Are they a good bit older now?

---

Oh my. *hugs* to all you mothers. I salute you ladies.

It sounds.... scary to be a mother. But that's what makes mothers awesome strong people (like you ladies!) right? Phew. Talk about strong and awesome.

Awww thank you lady. *hug*

For me, motherhood is a scary mixture of omg am I doing this right????? and omg I love this little stinker soooo much. That mommy switch flips on and being strong for them is just the only option. I didn't understand the bond a parent has until I had my daughter. If you decide to have children, you'll become a super mom too!

 

[Bones]

Thank you for the compliments Shipster0958!

My daughter is now seventeen and in college (through a collaborative program) even though she is supposed to be in the 11th grade.

She has enough credits to graduate because of taking all advanced placement since the sixth grade.

We are doing well, but from the age 11 or so until 17, it was really rough at times.

I have told her almost every morning and evening when i get home that I love her all her life; but from around 11 or so until 17, she never said anything back to me and it hurt - however, if I did not tell her, she would get upset. (Go figure.)

We have always been extremely close even though we both tend to "hide" in our rooms after getting home - she is an INTJ like me and prefers to have personal, private space.

As for my step daughter, I have not seen her since around early 1997 and I will always care for her.

My daughter never heard from her biological mother until she was around 15, but it ended fast within a month or so because my daughter said she did not want to discuss personal, family business and she kept pressing/pumping for information.

I never said anything really negative about her biological mom to her (even though she might have heard stories from my mother and I talking).

I actually put the wedding and other pictures of her biological mother in a place when she was old enough she would find it (since she told me I needed to remove the pictures of the "other baby" from the wall when she was a toddler).

(My daughter told me she looked at the pictures for about a month and she was around four or five at the time.)

And, when she was old enough, I let her read the divorce papers and the opinion of the judge - it did not go well for my ex and it was not smart of my ex to cuss out a judge because she was late - you know it had to be bad if word got back to my lawyers of her actions.

ps: As some of you know, I normally freak out after posting sensitive information and delete it, but I will not this time because I still need to heal from all of it.

While it is impossible ...

That's wonderful how you stepped up with your kids. I usually hand mine off to the hubby when he gets home so I can jump in the shower and make dinner.

No you didn't go through childbirth, but you were and now are the primary caregiver, so I believe you know how I feel. Mom or dad, it's about who really takes care of them. In a perfect situation, it's a team effort. When I read you came home at lunch to feed and change, I was shocked. Way to go dad. You're not just "the father" that's a real DAD.

How's it going for you these days? Are they a good bit older now?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Awww thank you lady. *hug*

For me, motherhood is a scary mixture of omg am I doing this right????? and omg I love this little stinker soooo much. That mommy switch flips on and being strong for them is just the only option. I didn't understand the bond a parent has until I had my daughter. If you decide to have children, you'll become a super mom too!

Awwww that's so sweet.

Hehe.. we'll see about me being a mom. *hugs*

 

[Shipster0958]

I really appreciate you sharing Bones! I love hearing other people's parenting stories. It's nice to know that you're not alone in certain situations, and many people overcome adversities. My hat is off to you

Things have gotten a little better for me. My mother in law is taking me out on Saturday nights now to eat, so I have this little window of a break to look forward to. I will have my hubby watch her and I will get to eat some food while it's still hot.

Also, I've begun to implement a nightly routine, and I'm leaving her in her bassinet fussing or not during night time hours between feeding/changing. For mommy, it takes a while sometimes to go...it's ok if she cries a bit.

 

[Bones]

I appreciate you sharing as well.

As long as my daughters needs were met, I let my daughter fuss some too after learning what the different cries meant (as much as a person could).

It is really heard to do, but she got use to sleeping alone.

Besides, with it being me and her only later on, I worried a lot about possibly making a wrong move because people could start rumors.

So, along those lines, my daughter had very few friends over; and if someone did actually get to spend a night with her, I had my mom come over and I got a hotel room.

It was a heart breaking choice.

I hope you enjoy your break and finally get some hot food.

I really appreciate you sharing Bones! I love hearing other people's parenting stories. It's nice to know that you're not alone in certain situations, and many people overcome adversities. My hat is off to you

Things have gotten a little better for me. My mother in law is taking me out on Saturday nights now to eat, so I have this little window of a break to look forward to. I will have my hubby watch her and I will get to eat some food while it's still hot.

Also, I've begun to implement a nightly routine, and I'm leaving her in her bassinet fussing or not during night time hours between feeding/changing. For mommy, it takes a while sometimes to go...it's ok if she cries a bit.

 

[perfanoff]

I'm sorry shipster. Maybe you'll have some adjusting to do.
My colleague often complains that he is never free in between duties for work, and his 2 babies.

 

[Tuppence]

Having a baby is the most amazing, brilliant, beautiful thing in the world. But it's so so so so hard. Physically, mentally, everything. Completely 100% worth it, but the joy doesn't carry you through quite everything. I'd like to think I'm an okay mother, but reading this thread has been humbling and inspiring.

I think it's good you feel you don't have PND, but because of your situation and the way you are feeling now, the pressure you're under mentally and physically, you're going to be susceptible to mental and physical health problems. That's not to say it will happen, but it's good to be aware of it. Maybe not everyone will agree with this, but I went to the doctor and explained the situation, how I was feeling, tried to make it clear I wasn't trying to make excuses or get out of doing anything, but was there anything I could do to help myself keep going shortterm and longterm because it was obviously vitally important that I was able to do this for my baby's sake.

My GP did tests on me, prescribed tablets based on what she found (I won't go into details as it will be different for everyone, but she found a few things wrong with me that might not have hindered but certainly wouldn't have helped) and saw me once a month in an appointment that was all about my own health. It was (and is) still really tough, but I do think it made a difference when I was considering my physical and mental health as well. At the time, having a rest seemed wrong, but in the longterm, I think my girls benefitted from me being healthier.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

As I read these post one of my fondest memories of Kid crossed my mind- every night when I'd get home from work that first year I'd pack the little munchkin into the tub or shower with me- that was our relaxing/bonding time. I was the only guy at "Moms n' Tot's" swimming for a couple of years. All that time in water paid off, she's an incredible swimmer now- the highlight of last summer for both of us was swimming across a lake and back (2 miles), this year she wants to do the length of the lake (about 4 miles).