I
Interlude
Guest
*Bold area below is the condensed version. Because I write way too much. Sorry!
I hate coming up with subject headers. I really do. I can never think of something that is creative, so I don't try. But then I'm afraid that other people will take my non-creative attempt as an effort at being creative or clever. So, I try to just label it as what it is. Even if it sounds stupid.
And I'm just as bad at trying to figure out what to say in the body of posts/blogs/etc.
So! I'm definitely side-tracking... Before I've even introduced myself. That's probably a bad sign. I should have waited until I had gotten some sleep, before posting this. Oh well.
Hello, my user name is Interlude. Interlude or Ludey is fine. If you even want to address me as anything.
My words. When I get going like this, it makes me think-- well, no wonder you don't have any friends. Seriously. I over-analyze. I can't just say, hi, my name is Interlude. I have to explain that I don't necessarily think that you really care that my user name is Interlude. Especially since it's most likely up right by this post...
I'd restart this. But once I type something, I like to post it. Because it's a thought process I had, and I don't want to treat it like simple trash.
But! I'll try to focus.
I was really glad when I found this site. I've been very down lately, and I just wanted a place to go to talk to others who would understand. Or even just talk. It doesn't have to be about loneliness or depression-- I just want to have decent conversations with other people.
I've suffered from depression since the onset of puberty. (It's mostly tied in to my menstrual cycle, but I've gone through periods of major depression, as well.) I don't feel sorry for myself because of that-- millions of people suffer from depression. It's not the world against me. I don't think of it as something unique to myself or something that others should pity me for. It's not a big deal, in that way. But it IS hard to deal with.
I was feeling better, for a bit. Still down, but I wasn't hating myself. And I started to open up a little-- I've been terribly shy for most of my life. People still think I am shy and quiet, but I've actually come out of my shell quite a bit. However, I feel myself slipping back into that old depression. I started feeling it coming on... And then my boyfriend broke up with me. And that brought it crashing down. We only dated a month and a half. But I guess I just wasn't ready for it. There were no warning signs. He acted like everything was great. And then, boom. Thanksgiving. He tells me he's moving in four months and it's best to just be friends. And then he kind of avoids me. And it's like... I don't know what to think. And I'm PMSing. (Too much information?) And, wow, I just realized that most of the people I was trying to cling on to as friends, aren't actually friends, anymore.
I have one real friend. And when we talk, it's great. Because we get each other. But we are similar, in a lot of things. We both analyze things. We both try to be realistic-- perhaps too realistic. Because then many of our conversations become slightly pessimistic. And it can be almost tiring. I adore this girl, and I love talking to her. But people need different friends to fulfill different needs. She and I can have deep, meaningful conversations about anything. And I like that. But it's hard for us to just hang out or to just have a casual conversation. Or to talk about something that isn't going to end up coming across as pessimistic.
I feel bad for saying that. She's a great friend. It's just that that IS the way our conversations tend to go, and when I'm feeling down, sometimes I want to avoid that.
But, yeah. When my boyfriend broke up with me, I realized that I didn't really have any one else in my life. I actually had come out of a year and a half dating relationship right before this-- and he and I had clung together. So, I was able to ignore, more or less, that we didn't have any friends. That we were unhappy. When he broke up for the eleventh time, I realized, hey... This isn't how I want it to be. I don't even know if I like him. And I had already started liking "L," so after I broke up with "M," I started talking to L, and he asked me out about a week later. And I had fun with him. He was my second "real" boyfriend. (I dated a guy online.) But he was the first I was actually attracted to. And the first I really wanted to ask me out. And I had fun with him, and I was like, wow, I can be happy in a relationship. And then-- well, I don't need to go into all of that. The point is, when he broke up with me, it all came crashing down.
I realized how alone/lonely I felt. And I guess I was getting my hopes up-- I thought I could be happy with that guy. I didn't know how long it would last, but I was hoping a while. Because I really liked being around him. And he made me feel happy to be with. And that just vanished. All at once. Right during the holidays. Right before his birthday. Right before mine. (It's this week.) Just... Bad timing for break-ups. And when I wanted to talk about it... I realized I didn't really have anyone. There was no one to go hang out with, to try to cheer myself up. The only places to go are work and school. (I go to a community college.) And we work together. So, THAT doesn't help any.
It's been so awkward. And frustrating. And confusing. And I feel like I'm going to lose it. There's no one to reach out to. No one to talk to. I feel like I am completely alone. And I don't know how to handle it.
Yeah. I rant a lot. I'm sorry. It's so easy to do, when you're online. But that's one reason people come to forums like these. We have things we want to say, but can't really say in the "real world." (Or, at least, off the computer. The lines between "reality" and being "online" are becoming too blurred to accurately call one real and the other not. They are both real, but they function in different ways. The Internet is a tool mostly for the mind, which makes it easier to bend or misconstrue "reality" into what we see it as-- but that's what we do, anyways, it's just much easier online. If that makes any sense.) It feels good just to say it. And just saying it can be helpful.
Oh my words, though. I really need to stop writing. It's making me feel better, but people are going to be reading this, and you all will end up kicking me out of here, for fear of long, irrelevant rants. xD
Maybe a condensed version should be added:
Hello, my name is Interlude! I've been feeling really down, lately. And it made me realize how lonely I feel. I found this place, and I'm hoping that it will let me reach out and communicate with others. I need that.
I'm 19 years old, but I'll be turning 20 this week. I live in Virginia. And that's about it!
I look forward to posting and learning more about this community!
...And I really need to learn to write things like that, without the added rambling. At least I didn't try to go into the actual details of why I'm here/feeling the way I do. I wrote a lot. But I could have gone on for pages more, if I wanted to be more accurate. I tried to generalize. Hopefully that'll help keep people from completely avoiding me, on here.
Well, that was my introduction! By the way, the "small fish in a big pond" header. I wish I could steal it. Haha.
Oh! And I'm female. Because most other people seem to post that. And I suppose I should go ahead and make that clear. Yes.
Now I'm done. I'm sorry for it being so long. Hopefully no one read through ALL of it. But if you did, thank you.
I must now post this, before I start writing more.
I hate coming up with subject headers. I really do. I can never think of something that is creative, so I don't try. But then I'm afraid that other people will take my non-creative attempt as an effort at being creative or clever. So, I try to just label it as what it is. Even if it sounds stupid.
And I'm just as bad at trying to figure out what to say in the body of posts/blogs/etc.
So! I'm definitely side-tracking... Before I've even introduced myself. That's probably a bad sign. I should have waited until I had gotten some sleep, before posting this. Oh well.
Hello, my user name is Interlude. Interlude or Ludey is fine. If you even want to address me as anything.
My words. When I get going like this, it makes me think-- well, no wonder you don't have any friends. Seriously. I over-analyze. I can't just say, hi, my name is Interlude. I have to explain that I don't necessarily think that you really care that my user name is Interlude. Especially since it's most likely up right by this post...
I'd restart this. But once I type something, I like to post it. Because it's a thought process I had, and I don't want to treat it like simple trash.
But! I'll try to focus.
I was really glad when I found this site. I've been very down lately, and I just wanted a place to go to talk to others who would understand. Or even just talk. It doesn't have to be about loneliness or depression-- I just want to have decent conversations with other people.
I've suffered from depression since the onset of puberty. (It's mostly tied in to my menstrual cycle, but I've gone through periods of major depression, as well.) I don't feel sorry for myself because of that-- millions of people suffer from depression. It's not the world against me. I don't think of it as something unique to myself or something that others should pity me for. It's not a big deal, in that way. But it IS hard to deal with.
I was feeling better, for a bit. Still down, but I wasn't hating myself. And I started to open up a little-- I've been terribly shy for most of my life. People still think I am shy and quiet, but I've actually come out of my shell quite a bit. However, I feel myself slipping back into that old depression. I started feeling it coming on... And then my boyfriend broke up with me. And that brought it crashing down. We only dated a month and a half. But I guess I just wasn't ready for it. There were no warning signs. He acted like everything was great. And then, boom. Thanksgiving. He tells me he's moving in four months and it's best to just be friends. And then he kind of avoids me. And it's like... I don't know what to think. And I'm PMSing. (Too much information?) And, wow, I just realized that most of the people I was trying to cling on to as friends, aren't actually friends, anymore.
I have one real friend. And when we talk, it's great. Because we get each other. But we are similar, in a lot of things. We both analyze things. We both try to be realistic-- perhaps too realistic. Because then many of our conversations become slightly pessimistic. And it can be almost tiring. I adore this girl, and I love talking to her. But people need different friends to fulfill different needs. She and I can have deep, meaningful conversations about anything. And I like that. But it's hard for us to just hang out or to just have a casual conversation. Or to talk about something that isn't going to end up coming across as pessimistic.
I feel bad for saying that. She's a great friend. It's just that that IS the way our conversations tend to go, and when I'm feeling down, sometimes I want to avoid that.
But, yeah. When my boyfriend broke up with me, I realized that I didn't really have any one else in my life. I actually had come out of a year and a half dating relationship right before this-- and he and I had clung together. So, I was able to ignore, more or less, that we didn't have any friends. That we were unhappy. When he broke up for the eleventh time, I realized, hey... This isn't how I want it to be. I don't even know if I like him. And I had already started liking "L," so after I broke up with "M," I started talking to L, and he asked me out about a week later. And I had fun with him. He was my second "real" boyfriend. (I dated a guy online.) But he was the first I was actually attracted to. And the first I really wanted to ask me out. And I had fun with him, and I was like, wow, I can be happy in a relationship. And then-- well, I don't need to go into all of that. The point is, when he broke up with me, it all came crashing down.
I realized how alone/lonely I felt. And I guess I was getting my hopes up-- I thought I could be happy with that guy. I didn't know how long it would last, but I was hoping a while. Because I really liked being around him. And he made me feel happy to be with. And that just vanished. All at once. Right during the holidays. Right before his birthday. Right before mine. (It's this week.) Just... Bad timing for break-ups. And when I wanted to talk about it... I realized I didn't really have anyone. There was no one to go hang out with, to try to cheer myself up. The only places to go are work and school. (I go to a community college.) And we work together. So, THAT doesn't help any.
It's been so awkward. And frustrating. And confusing. And I feel like I'm going to lose it. There's no one to reach out to. No one to talk to. I feel like I am completely alone. And I don't know how to handle it.
Yeah. I rant a lot. I'm sorry. It's so easy to do, when you're online. But that's one reason people come to forums like these. We have things we want to say, but can't really say in the "real world." (Or, at least, off the computer. The lines between "reality" and being "online" are becoming too blurred to accurately call one real and the other not. They are both real, but they function in different ways. The Internet is a tool mostly for the mind, which makes it easier to bend or misconstrue "reality" into what we see it as-- but that's what we do, anyways, it's just much easier online. If that makes any sense.) It feels good just to say it. And just saying it can be helpful.
Oh my words, though. I really need to stop writing. It's making me feel better, but people are going to be reading this, and you all will end up kicking me out of here, for fear of long, irrelevant rants. xD
Maybe a condensed version should be added:
Hello, my name is Interlude! I've been feeling really down, lately. And it made me realize how lonely I feel. I found this place, and I'm hoping that it will let me reach out and communicate with others. I need that.
I'm 19 years old, but I'll be turning 20 this week. I live in Virginia. And that's about it!
I look forward to posting and learning more about this community!
...And I really need to learn to write things like that, without the added rambling. At least I didn't try to go into the actual details of why I'm here/feeling the way I do. I wrote a lot. But I could have gone on for pages more, if I wanted to be more accurate. I tried to generalize. Hopefully that'll help keep people from completely avoiding me, on here.
Well, that was my introduction! By the way, the "small fish in a big pond" header. I wish I could steal it. Haha.
Oh! And I'm female. Because most other people seem to post that. And I suppose I should go ahead and make that clear. Yes.
Now I'm done. I'm sorry for it being so long. Hopefully no one read through ALL of it. But if you did, thank you.
I must now post this, before I start writing more.
