no happiness

[JoeVegas]

I've fallen into a state where I cannot find pleasure in anything. The thing I used to enjoy no longer grant me freedom from my constant grind. It's all a grind.

I work more than anyone should. When I work, I can't wait to get off for no real reason. When I'm off, I constantly think of work. There is a bit of achievement in a job well done, but it's short lived when there is always so much more to do.

I miss feeling lonely. Don't get me wrong, I'm as lonely as I've ever been. It's just I don't feel it. I accept it as my normal state and the sharp pangs of pain it used to cause have abandoned me. The numbness of it all allows me accept it, instead of fighting.

I scroll these boards looking for it. It's here a bit, but I have to dredge through all the positive feedbacks and advice to find a bleeding soul. Don't get me wrong, many people need such feedback. I just want to read something and think "ouch, I remember that feeling..."

 

[fortasse]

I miss feeling lonely. Don't get me wrong, I'm as lonely as I've ever been. It's just I don't feel it. I accept it as my normal state and the sharp pangs of pain it used to cause have abandoned me. The numbness of it all allows me accept it, instead of fighting.

Or maybe you're no longer lonely? I don't know. I don't experience loneliness much anymore except in cases where the fact that I'm lonely is thrust in my face (like when a friend visits from out-of-state, and then leaves and I'm like "Oh yeah. I'm lonely").

Unlike you, I don't miss the feeling of loneliness. I rather enjoy a life of apathy... as compared to a life of melancholy that is. Apathy is an emotion (or lack thereof) I can appreciate. And when one is apathetic, one can become content. Content is better than happiness, because it doesn't require pleasure in order to keep contentment around. Hedonism is overrated anyways. Silly utilitarian societies.

And just to make you happy (heh heh), "ouch, I remember that feeling" of loneliness too. Rather sucky, that all-consuming, melancholy-inducing loneliness.