Not again! What's wrong with me?

[iWish]

I seriously have no idea what I keep doing wrong...
I'll jump right in to my story.
My friend Helen and I have been friends since September; we were lab partners, and we became extremely close. She is 5 years older than me, and has an apartment in the city I go to school in; the only reason she was in my class was because she had to take the classes she needed to apply to med school. Anyway, we would spend time together on weekends; we went out to dinner multiple times, went shopping, got our nails done, did more shopping, played wii fit, watched movies together, studied together, etc. Lots of non-school related stuff. We even discussed, at length, our possible summer plans of having me spend a week at her apartment to spend time together. To sum it up, I felt she was my closest friend at school.
So, you can imagine why I'm floored not to have heard from her in three weeks. I keep calling her and sending texts, emails, and even leaving messages with her doorman (via phone), but no response. I thought something had gone horribly wrong with her or her family (her brother is bipolar and has a history of harming himself and others and she and her fiancee fight all the time), but today, she blocked me on facebook. How do I know? I did a search for her name and I get NO results. That, or she deleted her entire profile. I'm just confused! I sent her a passive aggressive text three days after I last heard from her (upset that she hadn't called me back), but I can't imagine that she would use that as a premise to unfriend me and not explain herself, so I probably did something worse wrong in her eyes and I can't for the life of me figure out what it is. I just wish she would call me and I could explain my situation and then we could fix this! I miss her so much.
I want to make one final attempt at contacting her, and since she won't answer her emails I thought I'd send a FB message to her fiancee (who rejected my friend request that I sent two weeks ago; however, his profile is still up). Is this course of action inappropriate? I am going to make it clear that it's my last attempt to contact her. I've copied and pasted the text of the possible message below:
"Alex,
Okay, I get it. I know I must have done something wrong. I've been leaving messages at various numbers and emails for weeks, not getting any response. I thought something was horribly wrong with Helen or her brother or dad, or even you. But being unfriended and blocked by Helen, not to mention my friend request being rejected by you, I get it. I've done something wrong; and for that I'm truly sorry. I don't know if Helen wants to know that, but I am. I have no idea what I did, and I'm confused, but if this is how it has to be then I get it; I just wish I knew what I did wrong so I can fix it. I know I sent a pretty passive aggressive text a couple of weeks ago, and if this offended her please tell her I'm sorry for that too.
So please, if you think Helen wouldn't be too angry to hear that I contacted you, tell her I'm truly sorry for whatever I did, and I hope she is well. I miss her friendship, and I will always appreciate the time we spent together this year. Wish her luck in her future for me. If I don't hear from her or you, this will be the last contact attempt that I make (though I'd appreciate a quick response if you pass along my message; if I receive such a response I will also not contact either you or her again).
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Danielle"
If you have any suggestions for changes, let me know. I feel I need to do something, and this is the best way I feel I can get through to her (her fiancee is not very impressionable, so if I figured he can't hate me as much as Helen does even if she's complained about me constantly for the past few weeks and he may pass along my message to her).
Any advice would be appreciated.
Again...
Why does this keep happening to me?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sometimes, people just need a break. They need to time to spend alone and relax by themselves. Or with other people. Sounds like to me she gave you a lot of her time, time that took away from other people in her life, like her soon-to-be-husband and her brother, and whomever else she likes to spend time with.

I don't think it's anything you did "wrong" or anything you can "fix". People just need their time. And people need to spend time how they want to. Just because she's not spending time with you, doesn't mean you did anything bad.

How do I say this without being so harsh?... Learn how to let people breathe. You can't suffocate them constantly. It's nice to be able to spend a day or two with someone, and maybe once in a while go out again. But it can't go on all the time. She has her life outside of school, and outside of time with you, to take care of.

As far as her soon-to-be-husband rejecting your FB friends request, if he doesn't really know you, then that would qualify him to not accept it. He may think that just because you went to school with her or that she's friends with you, doesn't mean that he needs to be friends with you as well. Or he may just be someone who only accepts close friends and family members.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^ Agree.

 

[coricopat]

I think the message sounds fine. Send it. Not knowing would probably drive me crazy too.

 

[morteamoureuse]

I agree with coricopat. I also agree with VanillaCreme's point that her fiancee may simply not add people who aren't close to him; it might not mean anything. I don't know what your friend's motives were, but even if she just wanted to take a break from hanging out, it was simple to just say that she was busy doing something else. Blocking someone for no apparent reason when you're supposed to be close friends is pretty extreme for just needing time alone. Maybe she got upset when you were attempting to contact her out of worry, but if you pretty much had a routine together then it makes sense that you'll worry if she suddenly drops from the face of the earth. She may have been put off by all that calling, though, so that's a point you may want to address directly. I think you should think you did your best to contact this person and then move on.

 

[maemae]

I totally know where your coming from, but the sad fact is there is knowing you can do, I had a similar situation with a "best friends" years ago, with no reason she removed herself from my life, it killed, still does, but these things happen, and its not your fault. True friends will not treat you badly without reason, but you got to give her space, you will only annoy her otherwise. You don't know whats going on in her life, maybe she just needs her own life for a while, but if the worse comes to the worse sadly hun all you can do is try your best to move on, accept want has happened, even it if is cruel and hurtful on her part. You will be happy again, I know its hard, but life still goes on.

 

[HappyYogi]

Hi IWish~

I know this is an old thread but I really wanted to add something here.

I completely understand your frustration and the hurt one feels when someone just goes cold on you and you don't understand why. It's very painful and frustrating, I know, I lived it several times.

So you have every right to feel upset. However, having said that, from my experience I have learned that it's best to not be too confrontive or intense when these things happen. It's totally normal to have intense feelings when people leave you for no apparent reason but it's always better to approach this in a lighter way because people rarely respond to intensity. Most people are spooked by it or made uncomfortable.

Your letter had a lot of anger and frustration in it (as I said understandable) but that will scare many away. If she is already feeling iffy about you for whatever reason, the letter will make her feel even more iffy and avoid you more.

It's not unlike romantic relationships. Have you heard of the girlfriend or boyfriend who gets all upset and intense and scaring their love interest away? Similar vibe.

In these kinds of situations, it's ok to ask why but always when your emotions are calm and when you are just seeking info and you do not expectations. For instance...you could write her a letter and say "Would you like to get together? I haven't seen you in awhile and would love to see you!" Something like that and then watch/listen for her response. If you were really close you could say "Is everything Ok? Are you mad at me? I am confused why we don't talk anymore. I miss you". I would stop right there after that. The person is either going to tell you or not, you can't control their response. All you can do is fish for info. If they care about you enough they will let you know, if not, it's truly better to let it go, give it space, and just allow the person to come thru for you or not.

I really do know how you feel. This has happened to me. When I was younger I am sure I expressed everything but now I see that does not work. Now, if I know someone is up...I may ask, when I am feeling calm and lighter about it, if they answer great. If not, I just let it go. There is nothing I can do about someone who will not communicate with me. This recently happened with me and an aunt. All of the sudden, she stopped talking to me. I did fish a bit and say "is everything ok"? I got very cool responses from her. She has not reached out to me since so I have let her go. I made my effort to patch things up and she didn't bite. If she wants to communicate, great, if not well, I don't care. And I really don't. Anyone who does not take the time to communicate me is not worth the effort, seriously. It shows a serious lack of respect/care for your feelings to just leave your life like that. I just let them go with love and light and just give it closure myself.

In the case of my aunt, I was upset about it but then I starting thinking objectively about her personality. She is very judgemental and has turned on friends before. I am not surprised I was her next victim. She is also very bitter and not very nice! Truly just not a very nice or happy person, definitely not sweet. I AM nice...and kind to others. Perhaps she and I don't match. I found some of her vibe to be difficult and rude, somethings I am not. So I let her go.

I hope this helps and I hope things are well. I also hope you gleaned some wisdom from what happened to you. Everything is a learnign experience.

 

[Four_in_the_morning]

I hate it when that happens. And I hate it more that it happens more than once...with the people I want to be friends with. It's never comfortable. It's even worse when its like your work environment. Sitting in the lunchroom feeling awkward. That's the worst bit. It eats me up.