not "husband material"

[jd7]

I'd guess that most of us have heard women described as either "wife material" or "not wife material." It can be playful or cruel depending on the context and the delivery.

Does the same apply to men?

There came a time when I realized I was not husband material, at least not in the socially acceptable fashion - The Sitcom Husband. Think: Jim Belushi. I could never neglect my own thoughts or emotions. I'm not stupid and unobservant and obtuse. I'm not shallow and childlike in my ways. I couldn't give a fresia less about sports and don't watch television.

I think I'm more live-in-boyfriend material. I think American media and its virulent spread have made the "husband" into a running punchline. In this way, I guess I'm proud not to be ... husband material.

 

[mountainvista]

There's nothing wrong with not fitting into some marketing-designed mold - not even a social construct of society's mores, but some character type devised in ad campaigns: Dumb Ole Dad as the foil to Savvy Supermom, and boy do we love him because he helps sell toilet paper; he also helps make those women who might otherwise feel powerless, feel superior with that sighing shake of the head and eyeroll "Ah, men..."

But hey, at least the Sitcom Husband still gets the Hot Wife. Jim Belushi with Courtney Thorne Smith, Kevin James with Leah Remini etc

Anyone who goes looking for any sort of portrayal of reality from tv is a fool.

 

[Erevetot]

I'll say what I said on another thread as well. We're lucky that not everyone considers "husband material" the "husband material" pattern that's being promoted. There is no perfect husband/wife/partner, IMO they're just standards so we subconsciously compare our partners to the 10/10 perfect partners we see in movies or hear about and never be satisfied

I mean Im broke, broken and possibly the opposite from what some would consider husband/boyfriend material, and I still had 2 women making plans to get married and have kids with me. And I'm just 21. Well, they were crazy, but that's another story It just shows that while some fools are looking for the perfect relationship they see on their favorite TV show, there are still people to love by following their heart and not a fake pattern they get force-fed

 

[Triple Bogey]

I'm not boyfriend material. I know that.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Of what material am I made?
silk, cotton, wool or jade?
Am I stone or am I woven?
Hard to those who to me have cloven?

Do I drape well, or leave a heat sink?
Do I give or do I take?
Am I all the dreams you dreamt of?
or am I not what you would think?

 

[rcal]

What is husband material ? as long as you care for another, there is no reason not to. There isn't just one kind of husband material, there is many.

 

[stork_error]

Don't get me started on wife material/ husband material lol

 

[Triple Bogey]

in other words - Are you a good catch ?

 

[Seeker_2.0]

There are times when non-husband materials are really obvious ("bad boys", "players", and all the other terms that describe men who only want sex from women and are not willing to commit), but most of the time there really isn't a husband material formula, I think each man knows himself well enough to identify whether her's willing/ready to become a husband or not.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I was told when I was younger (by an Aunt) that was wasn't "marriage material." I suppose that's the same thing.
I asked her why and she said I was different than most women. It was an insult, by the way.

 

[Case]

Everyone has a different definition of what makes "husband" or "wife material." I don't pay such talk any mind. To me, "the marrying kind" is someone who wants to marry. No more, no less.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I don't understand why people would label someone husband or wife material. I think if you're with the right person and both of you love each other and wanna marry each other and can take care of each other, that's all the material there is to it. It's not about whether you're marriage material or not, it's more about compatibility really.

 

[jd7]

It seems that society has turned away from certain stereotypes while embracing others full speed ahead. For instance, we now see more acceptance based on race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. At the same time, the media pushes really hard to create/enforce/reinforce/promulgate the notion of what a 'man in a relationship' and what a 'woman in a relationship' should act like in a western society. This is why I detest the media. They are manipulators and enforcers for their corporate masters. Social engineering for the worse.

 

[ardour]

It seems like the traits that would make a man "husband material" (or "long-term relationship material") are more to do with general attractiveness to women, rather than as a specific reference to how responsible he is. Perhaps that's due to men still not being expected take on as active a role in parenting as women.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

I don't understand why people would label someone husband or wife material. I think if you're with the right person and both of you love each other and wanna marry each other and can take care of each other, that's all the material there is to it. It's not about whether you're marriage material or not, it's more about compatibility really.

^^
What the good lady said!

Although I'd probably take the marriage stuff out of the equation perhaps & just leave it be with the compatibility thing.

I'm a bit 'funny' on the whole marriage thing....I think if two people are right together then they should do what makes them happy...if they want to get married fine & if they don't, also fine...people finding happiness together is waaaaaay more important than....well, very many things quite frankly.

I also agree with jd on the subject of the diet fed from the media's teet & swallowed whole by a large section of 'society'.

*dons tinfoil hat, gloves & scarf

 

[SofiasMami]

I don't watch comedy shows on TV so I'm not entirely sure what bill of goods is being sold on TV as "husband material".
I can only speak for my own experiences and what I've seen in relationships in my own family and close friends. It seems like men who are most likely to be seen as husband material are those who can support a family, including children. Of course, there are many more layers to relationships and married couples than that but guys who want to be married without taking any responsibilities - as a woman, I say why bother with that. I support and manage my own household quite nicely (except when it comes to killing spiders that get in the house ) and having a husband who can't take care of business along with me would be like having an extra child, in my opinion.

-Teresa

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't remember if I was ever told I wasn't marriage material, not that I would care, and I'm pretty sure someone has said it to me before, but it's all just people's opinions. As someone who doesn't care for marriage, it doesn't bother me a bit. But I would believe it would apply to guys and gals alike. Some people just aren't the type to marry, and that's fine. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a certain way or not being a certain way about it. I don't even know how anyone would classify "marrying types" because every marriage is different. Different challenges, different issue, different problems to sort out. It's just some people thinking they know better.

 

[jd7]

I don't watch comedy shows on TV so I'm not entirely sure what bill of goods is being sold on TV as "husband material".
I can only speak for my own experiences and what I've seen in relationships in my own family and close friends. It seems like men who are most likely to be seen as husband material are those who can support a family, including children. Of course, there are many more layers to relationships and married couples than that but guys who want to be married without taking any responsibilities - as a woman, I say why bother with that. I support and manage my own household quite nicely (except when it comes to killing spiders that get in the house ) and having a husband who can't take care of business along with me would be like having an extra child, in my opinion.

-Teresa

I agree, and I think this should be a 'given.' Your point speaks to responsibility or a lack thereof. I've been down that road. Living with my ex was like raising a second child for me. I spent a decade cooking, cleaning, working, paying bills, making plans, pulling her dirty dishes out from under the couch, etc...while she spent a decade spending money, trashing my house, and ignoring my daughter. *shudders*

What I was really getting at is the 'socially acceptable' man for those people who care oh so much what "The Joneses" think... Some people actually base their lives around television portrayals. It sounds like you don't have that hangup, which is good!