Numb

[Red914]

Hey, everyone...

I honestly don't have a lot of energy right now. I never really do. All I can say is that I'm alone and unloved. No one truly cares for me.

I'm just nothing. No one. I'm honeysuckle.

The title here says Numb, but inside my heart is twisted around and like a shrunken head. I feel completely empty. No one in the world cares for me. It sounds like I'm overreacting, I know, but it's just -- it's true.

I don't want to take my own life, but everything just hurts so much. I want to talk to a doctor or a support group, but I'm broke. I'll never have love in my life. It just won't happen.

I used to have love to give, but there's nothing left but overwhelming hurt.

But perhaps a reply will help. But then I doubt it. I hope for -- no, I don't know what I hope for. All I want to do is cry out. I'm shattered.

 

[Serenia]

Hi there,

I am really sorry you are going through this. I think coming here and venting might be a good start, has anything specific happened or a series if events to bring you to this place? There are lots of kind people here who care and willing to listen and help.

I think going to see a Dr is a great idea, have you anyway of putting some money aside for this, if you are a rock bottom I know this can be near impossible. Are there any charities that can help with this?

You sound completely depleted. Hard to do but try and be kind to yourself, rest, meditate if you like that, walk, look after the outer you while the inner you rests until it is strong enough to bounce back. Because that is one thing I know, I have lived through so much honeysuckle and it sometimes took a long time, but I have always bounced back, maybe slightly altered from perspective and reflection but I feel alive again.

I sincerely hope you can find something that can help.

Take care

 

[ladyforsaken]

Exactly what She-ra said, try to be kind to yourself especially during this time when you really feel so broken and shattered. No one is going to take care of you, that's the harsh truth, honestly, so you gotta try to rely on yourself. I've learned to stop expecting people to do things for me or take care of me and I find that it's better that way and I feel better this way because I don't feel disappointed or hurt if they don't "step up to it" if you know what I mean.

Take it easy though, talking it out to a professional sounds good but you said you're broke. Is there a free counselling service around where you are? Or maybe a hotline that you can call up to seek help or someone you can just talk to? Or, even here. Talk about your problems or your feelings or anything you want to vent here. There are quite a number of supportive people around.

Red, you are not alone. Technically perhaps you feel like it, but look at some of us here... I think when I feel like what you feel when everything is so shitty, I come here and realise that hey, there are others out there suffering too and maybe we can try to support one another and not feel so alone in general.

I do wish that this phase passes quickly for you and that you feel at least a little bit better if not more. Best of luck and hope you'll find something that can help you get by. Take care please. *hugs*

 

[Sometimes]

Hey, Red914, I want to tell you a story. A few years ago I came to a place which seemed to me I was at the end of my rope. I just couldn't go on. I got desperate enough that I called the suicide hotline, to see if they could help me. I really didn't have much hope, but I tried anyway. The guy at the other end of the line said that in my town there was a once a week support group, and hey btw, it was meeting that day. By the time I screwed up the courage and motivation to go, it was almost over. But they let me in.

I was totally wrecked at that moment. But a few minutes with nice generous people with their own problems was enough to keep me going one more week, knowing I could try again the next week. Then another and another as I kept going there.

The point is, I would never have guessed where help would come from.

Stay here, talk with people. Keep going, reach out. Never give up. You never know where help will come from.