On having no one who cares

[cumulus.james]

Growing up never having anyone who really cares for you, who really has your intersts at heart is bad.

To be sat here knowing that no one really cares about you is worse.

Because it means you have no one to care about.

And the circle is well and truly squared.

4 Sides: No one ever did love you so you could never love anyone so no one will ever care about you so you will never have anyone to care about.

What can you do with that? What?

I am all out of delusions and magical thinking.

 

[Frodothelost]

i do
james
thats why its the first post in your thread of mine

 

[Ioann]

I care about you deeply.

 

[constant stranger]

cumulus.james, I'd say that you've got a self reinforcing feedback loop actuated for yourself.

 

[vng2015]

I am sorry.

I will not share much about myself on a public forum. But hypothetically having a controlling toxic parent who ``cares" may be worse then having no one.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

I agree having had a poisonous devious mother and a father who when I finally met him was capable of the most staggering acts of insensitivity.thank God they're dead and their venom can no longer infect the world

 

[vng2015]

I am sorry for your experience.

I should be thankful to my parents for supporting me.

I would have greatly appreciated if they
1) allowed me to make my own major and minor decisions
2) allowed me to seek therapy (years ago they did)
3) allowed me to seek community peer support

I feel like a captive.

 

[jaguarundi]

4 Sides: No one ever did love you so you could never love anyone so no one will ever care about you so you will never have anyone to care about.

What can you do with that? What?

I am all out of delusions and magical thinking.

What you can do with it is to stop thinking that way, that's what...

That no one cared for you does not mean you can't ever care for some one. It is not inevitable.

Thinking that it is inevitable - that is the delusion.

 

[ringwood]

cumulus.james, I'd say that you've got a self reinforcing feedback loop actuated for yourself.

I would say this too. Seems every day, you pick something negative in your life to focus on. Why don't you try the opposite and pick something a little more positive? Just on this thread alone, there are people saying they *do* care about you - take them at their word for a change, you need to start somewhere, right? That's what you can do...

 

[cumulus.james]

I haven't got anything positive lol.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Only because you choose not to see anything positive

 

[cumulus.james]

Surely I am not alone in not seeing anything positive. If others saw something positive I would not be alone.

Bit of a case of Schrodingers cat going down.

 

[Tiina63]

One positive thing I see in you is that you are not judgemental and uncaring towards people who are messed up and who have a lot of issues. Your own terrible life experiences have not made you hard and uncaring.

 

[Seeker_2.0]

Surely I am not alone in not seeing anything positive. If others saw something positive I would not be alone.

Bit of a case of Schrodingers cat going down.

I am generally a realist (people call it pessimism) and still see some good in people and in myself sometimes, you are at a constant battle with yourself, well when you pit james vs james the winner is obviously james.

 

[cumulus.james]

I have decided to die. I am going to wait until my birthday. Doing it then seems like my birth and death will cancel everything out and I will never have existed. I was planning on doing it with hydrogen cyanide salts, quick and easy. But I don't want there to be a body. So I guess it's cross channel ferry. Can't think of a more horrific way to go than drowning. But I guess that's what I deserve.

What a horrible life. Why was this how I had to be?

 

[Sci-Fi]

Seems like I had to do this once before when you started to make a post like that and here we go again. Link to the suicide thread I posted last time I closed your thread.
http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=3079

And link to thread for reference.
http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=33041&page=11

DO NOT send me a PM complaining about me closing your thread either again. You should know better by now that we don't promote or allow these types of threads here.