Moody Blues
Member
I wasn't sure where to put this thread, so I chose the one that seemed the most appropriate. WARNING: Long story ahead. 
Anyway, it's been a long time since I posted here. A lot has happened in my life, but at the same time there's hardly any progress or results to show for it.
Last time I was here I was in deep despair, to say the least. I had a crush on a girl, she ended up getting a boyfriend cuz I was too shy chickened out on asking her, and fell into the worst depression I've ever felt in my life. Never had I once felt the pain of a broken heart before, and that pain hit me hard. Harder than I ever would've imagined. To make things worse, because we were classmates, I would always end up seeing her. It was utter hell to say the least.
Eventually my crush ended up moving away. We still talk online, but the fact she wasn't around me all the time helped ease the pain. As the semesters went by I made new friends. We hung out at school and we messed around having a good time. We would've done it more often if we didn't live in different cities. At that point I was starting to become happy again, content with the status of my life - being a 22 year old virgin and never have had a girlfriend before. I was beginning to think the healing was just about done.
I don't know why, but later on I started to feel a bit bummed out inside. I can't exactly describe it, but that empty feeling I felt during my depression was starting to surface again. The loneliness, the insecurities, the feeling of worthlessness I once had returned. I thought I was happy, but now I feel as though I'm being subtly mocked by life.
I sit here, late into my summer vacation, realizing that I may be relapsing into depression again. The more I think about not having a girlfriend, still being a virgin, all the missed chances I had, all the ones I've thrown away, the more I get bummed out about it. It's as though I've been living some kind of extreme Groundhog's Day for the past year or so and I was too blind to see it. I still live at home, I still go to the same school, I still have no job, and I still rarely get out due to a lack of car. Living in the suburbs doesn't help either as nothing is within reasonable walking distance of my house.
I don't know what to do at this point with my life. I'm about to graduate in December, and I have to decide on what school to go to next before then. My crush insists on me moving up north to go to school with her, and as much as I would like to, that would probably not work in my favor in the end. The feelings I had for her would once again spring up, and I would probably end up screwing up my chances with her all over again. I do miss her dearly and I still care for her, despite her shortcomings, but I'm not so sure if overall that's a good idea.
My friends live too far away to hang out all the time, and rides are hard to come by, so that's a bust.
I don't know how someone like me who's never had a job in his life is supposed to get one. I can't think of anything in particular I'm good at besides art that would help nab me a job. My social skills aren't up to par either, being shy and all. I would feel too ashamed to admit that I've never had a job in some sort of interview or even fill out a resume knowing I never had any prior job experience.
As far as getting a girlfriend, or meeting someone who could possibly fill that role, I'm not optimistic about my chances, unfortunately.
Anyway, it's been a long time since I posted here. A lot has happened in my life, but at the same time there's hardly any progress or results to show for it.
Last time I was here I was in deep despair, to say the least. I had a crush on a girl, she ended up getting a boyfriend cuz I was too shy chickened out on asking her, and fell into the worst depression I've ever felt in my life. Never had I once felt the pain of a broken heart before, and that pain hit me hard. Harder than I ever would've imagined. To make things worse, because we were classmates, I would always end up seeing her. It was utter hell to say the least.
Eventually my crush ended up moving away. We still talk online, but the fact she wasn't around me all the time helped ease the pain. As the semesters went by I made new friends. We hung out at school and we messed around having a good time. We would've done it more often if we didn't live in different cities. At that point I was starting to become happy again, content with the status of my life - being a 22 year old virgin and never have had a girlfriend before. I was beginning to think the healing was just about done.
I don't know why, but later on I started to feel a bit bummed out inside. I can't exactly describe it, but that empty feeling I felt during my depression was starting to surface again. The loneliness, the insecurities, the feeling of worthlessness I once had returned. I thought I was happy, but now I feel as though I'm being subtly mocked by life.
I sit here, late into my summer vacation, realizing that I may be relapsing into depression again. The more I think about not having a girlfriend, still being a virgin, all the missed chances I had, all the ones I've thrown away, the more I get bummed out about it. It's as though I've been living some kind of extreme Groundhog's Day for the past year or so and I was too blind to see it. I still live at home, I still go to the same school, I still have no job, and I still rarely get out due to a lack of car. Living in the suburbs doesn't help either as nothing is within reasonable walking distance of my house.
I don't know what to do at this point with my life. I'm about to graduate in December, and I have to decide on what school to go to next before then. My crush insists on me moving up north to go to school with her, and as much as I would like to, that would probably not work in my favor in the end. The feelings I had for her would once again spring up, and I would probably end up screwing up my chances with her all over again. I do miss her dearly and I still care for her, despite her shortcomings, but I'm not so sure if overall that's a good idea.
My friends live too far away to hang out all the time, and rides are hard to come by, so that's a bust.
I don't know how someone like me who's never had a job in his life is supposed to get one. I can't think of anything in particular I'm good at besides art that would help nab me a job. My social skills aren't up to par either, being shy and all. I would feel too ashamed to admit that I've never had a job in some sort of interview or even fill out a resume knowing I never had any prior job experience.
As far as getting a girlfriend, or meeting someone who could possibly fill that role, I'm not optimistic about my chances, unfortunately.
