Online dating

[sk66rc]

Uh, man... I've had some interesting experiences with online dating... Almost ended up with a stalker, crazy tag teams (long story & probably not what most people are thinking), marriage proposal or at least implication on 3rd date, and other things that wakes me up at night in cold sweat...

 

[writerchick]

My favorite BS line "I'm living life to the fullest!!!" How many times do I come across that proclamation? If everything is going peachy-keen, which is what that phrase seems to imply, why is she on a dating site?

What I prefer about a dating site is that you already know someone is looking for some type of relationship, and you get to see their likes, etc. If I see a woman during the course of my day / evening that seems to be approachable, I do not know if she is single / seeking a relationship, etc. I might be interrupting or hassling her should i decide to approach. and so, I do not.

However, I do agree that the perpetual desire to not give someone who is compatible a chance after one or two dates due to the online dating disease known as "upgrade-itis" can be emotionally draining and damaging.

The line I hate is "I like to have fun." What constitutes fun for that person might not be fun for me. That consultant I hired picked out the one (and only) man on Match for me based on that line. When I told her that was too vague she called me combative. I told her maybe he think necrophilia is fun. She told me I was exaggerating. She totally missed the point. Fun is a generic word. I know people who love tailgating and I think it's the dumbest thing ever. I like to read and lots of people don't and find it boring.

I'm totally baffled by the lack of replies from men who write the description of their ideal woman, which matches me, and I get nothing. Just yesterday, I found this man's profile and we are listed at 94% match plus his profile detailed things he liked that I did as well. I wrote him, saw he viewed my profile and never replied. Not even a thanks but...

Whoever said people in our society have become disposable is 100% right on.

 

[ABrokenMan]

If you don't mind me asking, writerchick, how much did the writer consultant charge you? She reeks of "my way, or the highway" with regard to her opinion.

She sounds exactly like an ex GF I endured about 10 years ago. Every time I pointed out something which did not agree with her own perceptions (skewed and non-linear as they might have been), my ex would turn it around and blame me, or find faults based on generalities.

I never received a reply on a dating site, because I've never messaged anyone. I did find a woman who possesses many of the same likes, lifestyle choices, etc as I. Uncanny, actually. And I find her to be most attractive. But I can't bring myself to respond because my mindset is so fragile.

That said, if I were to receive a response from a woman, I would always send a reply to let them know if I was interested, or not. Common courtesy is a lost art in 2014. I guess we can blame the internet for that.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I had a number of first dates, a few second dates and I dated one guy for about three months.
You can't really count that as a "success" however. As I said in my previous reply...it's an ugly cycle of "can I do better?"

That's a good point.

 

[writerchick]

If you don't mind me asking, writerchick, how much did the writer consultant charge you? She reeks of "my way, or the highway" with regard to her opinion.

She sounds exactly like an ex GF I endured about 10 years ago. Every time I pointed out something which did not agree with her own perceptions (skewed and non-linear as they might have been), my ex would turn it around and blame me, or find faults based on generalities.

I never received a reply on a dating site, because I've never messaged anyone. I did find a woman who possesses many of the same likes, lifestyle choices, etc as I. Uncanny, actually. And I find her to be most attractive. But I can't bring myself to respond because my mindset is so fragile.

That said, if I were to receive a response from a woman, I would always send a reply to let them know if I was interested, or not. Common courtesy is a lost art in 2014. I guess we can blame the internet for that.

I paid entirely too much money for it. It was to include a lot of other things in addition to the profile writing. In the end she cooked her own goose by sending me an email that said she'd refund my money because I was unhappy early on. When she refused to refund it, I sent the email to my credit card company and they told me she had no way to refuse the refund. I got the money back

ABrokenMan, you seem like a nice guy and you are so right about common courtesy being a lost art. Believe me, I've been in your position about finding someone as such a match then getting hammered with the rejection. I cried a lot at first when no one replied back but now I'm use to it. I do hope you can send this lady (or a future one) a note. But it isn't easy at all.

 

[Triple Bogey]

If you are like most people, that is, either within the category of "average" or "below average", I'd say the indifference in which you'll be treated is not worth it. Not worth the pain. The system is rigged in a way that everyone believes they can get an "above average" person, just as easily as putting money into a vending machine and getting something back. Anything less than what you wanted is rejected. I don't know what has caused society to become like this, but it's pervasive, and sickening. (As a disclaimer: I don't mean the individuals in this thread are guilty of this, I'm speaking in general.)

On the other hand if you are thick-skinned, you might be able to endure months of getting no unsolicited responses and few replies, and hoping you can find something that will suit your purpose, whether it be short-term or longterm. I lack the iron constitution, so online-dating is not for me. It would have be to learned masochism, if I was going to persevere.

Good points.
I would never do it again, not worth the hassle.
If anybody wants to meet somebody, go to the pub or join a club. Much better way of doing it.

 

[writerchick]

If anybody wants to meet somebody, go to the pub or join a club. Much better way of doing it.

I don't like bars and I have a problem being in noisy places as it triggers migraines. I have joined a few clubs and volunteer but there are no single men involved with those clubs and organizations that I have found.

 

[VeganAtheist]

If anybody wants to meet somebody, go to the pub or join a club. Much better way of doing it.

I don't like bars and I have a problem being in noisy places as it triggers migraines. I have joined a few clubs and volunteer but there are no single men involved with those clubs and organizations that I have found.

Are there any social/singles sports leagues or meetup groups? I have met A LOT of single people after joining a social/singles sports league. There are usually parties of some sort every week where I could meet even more people. I do live in a big city, though. Not sure if that is something that is available where you live.

 

[Triple Bogey]

If anybody wants to meet somebody, go to the pub or join a club. Much better way of doing it.

I don't like bars and I have a problem being in noisy places as it triggers migraines. I have joined a few clubs and volunteer but there are no single men involved with those clubs and organizations that I have found.

What about clubs that involve quite a lot of people ?
A walking club for example.

 

[LonesomeLoner]

It never worked for me no matter how many times I tried to rework my profile etc

That's been my experience too. Rewrite. New photos. Nothing.

Also, following 'experts' advice with their articles etc failed me!

 

[EveWasFramed]

The line I hate is "I like to have fun." What constitutes fun for that person might not be fun for me.

Exactly!
One guy I went out with...his idea of "fun" was drinking beer and partying in nearly 100 degree temps while the sweat rolled off of his body, while smelling the stench of dead fish at the lake. I'm sorry, but that's not MY idea of fun.
But then...Im in the South and Im the oddity I suppose. I don't like to kill things and then skin and eat them.

 

[writerchick]

The line I hate is "I like to have fun." What constitutes fun for that person might not be fun for me.

Exactly!
One guy I went out with...his idea of "fun" was drinking beer and partying in nearly 100 degree temps while the sweat rolled off of his body, while smelling the stench of dead fish at the lake. I'm sorry, but that's not MY idea of fun.
But then...Im in the South and Im the oddity I suppose. I don't like to kill things and then skin and eat them.

OMG! I'm a Southerner who feels the same. I get plenty of the Bubba redneck types but the artsy guys no so much. I say I'm a stranger in my own land.

 

[EveWasFramed]

The line I hate is "I like to have fun." What constitutes fun for that person might not be fun for me.

Exactly!
One guy I went out with...his idea of "fun" was drinking beer and partying in nearly 100 degree temps while the sweat rolled off of his body, while smelling the stench of dead fish at the lake. I'm sorry, but that's not MY idea of fun.
But then...Im in the South and Im the oddity I suppose. I don't like to kill things and then skin and eat them.

OMG! I'm a Southerner who feels the same. I get plenty of the Bubba redneck types but the artsy guys no so much. I say I'm a stranger in my own land.

Don't get me wrong..if it's cool outside, I don't mind the occasional gathering, but wanting to do that kind of stuff every weekend in the summer? I'd rather stab needles in my eyes.

I don't want to go "muddin" either. That seems to be a favorite pastime here.

Oh noooooooooo...lol, maybe that's why you and I can't find anyone? We aren't rednecks?

 

[Wanderer145]

I tried OKCupid...met one girl who was younger than me who we exchanged numbers and called me in the middle of the night during the time we talked...sent a few more messages and it the conversation just died after that. There have been a few people I've had good conversation with on there but most of the time completely and absolutely nothing, never met a woman on there in person. I might try another one as I disabled the OKC account. There's a point when you just say enough is enough and it really was at that point after months of that site.

It's pretty evil how those online dating companies work, they must make a ton on subscriptions and in ad revenue from people looking all the time...

 

[Triple Bogey]

the only women interested in me are :

women very far away so it's going to cost me a fortune to go and see them. In fact 'The further away they are, the more interested they are' is a statement I made up.

women will shower me with attention if it costs me money to read their messages.

Overall it's all one big con and I ******* hate it !
It may work for some people, eg attractive but even then something my brother said 'you'll need a thick skin of an elephant' stands out as the truth !

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

Hmmmn, I've never online dated....the stories in this thread are making me think it might be best to avoid it...

However, I don't get approached when I'm out(except when I visited NYC-only place I've ever been where men would approach me-& not just in bars etc-on the subway, in the street, in shops, the cinema & whathaveyou). I've always been the one to make the first move when I have met men I have found myself interested in.

I'm not currently meeting anyone of interest, so it looks like I need to start saving for another trip to New York!

 

[jjam]

I've never so much as clicked on a link to an online dating site, or set foot in a place that provided the service of hooking people up, and I am 100% certain I never will. Old school dating? Thank goodness the only time I can say I did that was with a girl I was crazy about and who made me feel she was crazy about me. I was the one who behaved poorly ultimately, though I was an undeveloped child (early teen). Her kind is the only kind I ever dreamed of being with, the kind a certain sector of men (growing to be known as MGTOWs) refer to as the seemingly very elusive NAWALTs.

My last experience (a couple of years ago) was taken as a warning about wishing for things that others seem to have in abundance, which is opportunities taken to "date". I once wanted to say she and I were "dating", but I'm grateful to recognize it as the something else it was. As for our last meeting, I treated her to that dinner trying to be a friend, trying to show her that forgiveness is golden, showing myself that a mean spirit would not come from it all in spite of the classlessness she'd shown me. Did I show her anything she is actually capable of valuing more than the plate she didn't have to pay for, or did I talk myself for the millionth time into wasting my time and energy on her? I'd like to think it's never a waste to try to make a positive impact.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I think one day I'm going to have to try it, as I am getting closer to 30 and am running out of time. I'm hoping to find someone on the earlier side of their 20s and if I don't do something soon, I'll have gotten too old and will have missed out. I don't know...on the one hand, I've looked on the free sites already and have been thoroughly unenthusiastic about who has turned up, especially when I compare them to those other girls I knew and how much more exciting it would have been to be with them - I constantly kick myself for not having my life together in time. But on the other hand, online dating is pretty much my last chance now that I'm out of school and I don't do bars and my friends don't know anyone I'd like.

I guess I'll make a profile on at least the free sites as soon as I get a job and have some money to go out and do things, and as soon as I've built myself up a little bit in terms of reading, hobbies, and stuff like that so I have something to show for myself. But I don't know, I'm very skeptical of the people on there. I look on the sites often just to see if I find anyone interesting, and so far, all I've found all of two girls that caught my eye. One, I have some but not that much in common with so that probably won't work, I don't think I would bother messaging her. I really do feel you need to have things in common so that you can have a lively conversation. And the other I have more overlapping interests with, but idk, the thought of dating this person just doesn't excite me. I don't know why because I have a fair amount in common with this girl and I'd say she at least looks above average, if not very unique. I don't know. Those other girls were really out there, they just looked and said things in such a way that I'd never met anyone like them and they just had a way of making me feel they were special - but this girl I found in my area is just a normal person, so there's not much thrill. But then again, I'm not finding anyone else on there that's even remotely close to what I want. I don't know. I don't want to be single for the rest of what's left of my 20s but then again, there's really no one I like around. I mostly feel like I missed the boat already, and all the girls I'd be truly happy with are gone and there isn't anyone left I'd actually be happy to be with. I just wish I'd been interesting enough myself when I was meeting those girls who seemed to be exactly what I'd been searching and hoping for. It is ultimately all my fault. I wish I knew what I needed to do, where I needed to look. Just a little push in the right direction, some way of knowing that there is someone out there who is just for me, that I would actually be happy to share life with.

 

[Omnipotent Soul]

I don't know TheSkaFish, it sounds like you should be careful of those sites from this thread. On another note What ABrokenMan said, is certainly true. The world and its inhabitants, are definately changing, although I think it's heading in the wrong direction. It seems nobody has courtesy anymore. Well, when I say "anymore", I didn't and don't know anybody who is courteous. Other than my parents and grandparents. Where is the world heading?

That said, if I were to receive a response from a woman, I would always send a reply to let them know if I was interested, or not. Common courtesy is a lost art in 2014. I guess we can blame the internet for that.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

I think one day I'm going to have to try it, as I am getting closer to 30 and am running out of time. I'm hoping to find someone on the earlier side of their 20s and if I don't do something soon, I'll have gotten too old and will have missed out.

Should I just go throw my weary old dry husk on the bonfire right now MrFish?

I'm 43, the last guy I was with was 25, if two people have 'something' between them then age is unimportant.