Online dating

[EveWasFramed]

I think one day I'm going to have to try it, as I am getting closer to 30 and am running out of time. I'm hoping to find someone on the earlier side of their 20s and if I don't do something soon, I'll have gotten too old and will have missed out.

Should I just go throw my weary old dry husk on the bonfire right now MrFish?

I'm 43, the last guy I was with was 25, if two people have 'something' between them then age is unimportant.

+1

 

[writerchick]

If anybody wants to meet somebody, go to the pub or join a club. Much better way of doing it.

I don't like bars and I have a problem being in noisy places as it triggers migraines. I have joined a few clubs and volunteer but there are no single men involved with those clubs and organizations that I have found.

Are there any social/singles sports leagues or meetup groups? I have met A LOT of single people after joining a social/singles sports league. There are usually parties of some sort every week where I could meet even more people. I do live in a big city, though. Not sure if that is something that is available where you live.

I don't play sports and not really interested in a guy who does either. But I'm not aware of any around me. There are 11 meetups I've found here none of them particularly strike my interest. THey only have a handful of people in them. A couple are for moms and homeschoolers, which I'm not.
As EveWasFramed said about fav pastimes where she is, same goes for where I am. Hunting, fishing, muddin' are huge and all of which I find mind numbing.

 

[Purple Reign]

I've found a ton of meetup groups for moms and a lot of groups that are specific to 30 somethings. I am kicking around the idea of starting a 50+ group, not necessarily singles, just a social group. It seems like a good way to meet people but not seem so desperate, and also not feel like a piece of meat to be examined and either accepted or rejected. Safety in numbers I guess.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't know TheSkaFish, it sounds like you should be careful of those sites from this thread. On another note What ABrokenMan said, is certainly true. The world and its inhabitants, are definately changing, although I think it's heading in the wrong direction. It seems nobody has courtesy anymore. Well, when I say "anymore", I didn't and don't know anybody who is courteous. Other than my parents and grandparents. Where is the world heading?

Eh, maybe so, but I just don't know where else to look. Like I said, it's my last chance at this point. It's between finding someone on there I can be okay with, or nothing.

I've noticed the trend in declining courtesy myself, I guess it's just another example of everybody wanting to be "cool". They think they are too cool for courtesy and that kindness is uncool. I saw this many times growing up so it's not much of a surprise, unfortunately. Though I myself try to be courteous.

Should I just go throw my weary old dry husk on the bonfire right now MrFish?

I'm 43, the last guy I was with was 25, if two people have 'something' between them then age is unimportant.

No, not at all. I'm just saying, it certainly does get more challenging though, to find a younger person - as some members have said. At least it seems that way to me. Also, I want to experience finding someone while I'm in my 20s. That's just my own goal.

 

[edgecrusher]

I haven't had much luck with it. I think I've had a total of 3 short conversations with people. I actually found a woman who contacted me first and we had a lot of similar interests and both admitted to being bad conversationalists and bad with talking to new people which seemed to break the ice. I tried to keep the conversation going but she just stopped responding out of nowhere.

Part of my issue is that when I tick that "doesn't want kids" option, the amount of match results I get decreases significantly. Even then, my main thing is mutual interests and most sites aren't the best when it comes to matching that kind of thing.

I've also tried a few niche dating sites for nerdy gamer types, people who don't have/want kids, and even non religious types but all those sites have VERY few active members and some of them come across as almost spam sites that no one really keeps up with. They also don't have the intricate level of matching that the bigger dating sites. I also don't seem to relate to many people in general though.

 

[VeganAtheist]

If anybody wants to meet somebody, go to the pub or join a club. Much better way of doing it.

I don't like bars and I have a problem being in noisy places as it triggers migraines. I have joined a few clubs and volunteer but there are no single men involved with those clubs and organizations that I have found.

Are there any social/singles sports leagues or meetup groups? I have met A LOT of single people after joining a social/singles sports league. There are usually parties of some sort every week where I could meet even more people. I do live in a big city, though. Not sure if that is something that is available where you live.

I don't play sports and not really interested in a guy who does either. But I'm not aware of any around me. There are 11 meetups I've found here none of them particularly strike my interest. THey only have a handful of people in them. A couple are for moms and homeschoolers, which I'm not.
As EveWasFramed said about fav pastimes where she is, same goes for where I am. Hunting, fishing, muddin' are huge and all of which I find mind numbing.

Now that I know the area you live in, I can understand. Unfortunately, I don't have any other suggestions.

I think that if you succeed on your relocation, you will be in a much better situation. I wish you best of luck.

 

[writerchick]

I think that if you succeed on your relocation, you will be in a much better situation. I wish you best of luck.

Thanks.

I've found a ton of meetup groups for moms and a lot of groups that are specific to 30 somethings. I am kicking around the idea of starting a 50+ group, not necessarily singles, just a social group. It seems like a good way to meet people but not seem so desperate, and also not feel like a piece of meat to be examined and either accepted or rejected. Safety in numbers I guess.

I looked into starting a singles group but it was $20 a month for a meetup.com page. I couldn't justify that, especially if no one joined up.

 

[Purple Reign]

Yes the money is definitely an issue. If only I could see into the future to know if it would be worth it.

 

[iveseenbetterdays]

Yeah I've tried online dating. Four years in, about three women have contacted me. I have tried messaging many others. Nothing has ever come of it. They have all ignored or lost interest in me, just like all the others, online and off.
I'm strongly considering stop trying online at all. I just get disappointed over and over again.
But hey, I've heard it works wonders for some people, and they meet their future spouses and all. If it works for you, more power to you.

 

[Case]

I have put my online dating on permanent hold this year. I've had many first dates, a number of second dates, but only one actual relationship, which was the worst one I ever had. Anyway, I don't hate online sites, but I realize that the frustration-to-happiness ratio was seriously skewed in favor of frustration, so I stopped.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

Here's the thing about on line dating...

The pool is large.
The next "match" or Mr or Miss Perfect is just one little click away.
"This person is nice, but what if I can do "better?" (more attractive, wealthier, more common interests, etc)
In my opinion, it's a vicious and degrading cycle.

One of my personal favorites..."I won't settle!" lol, I would roll my eyes when I'd read that on a profile and keep right on moving.

And that's my opinion of my on line dating site experience.

You've said a number of interesting things in this thread, just quoting one to reply rather than hunt them all out!

I think yeah, it's possibly internet shopping and internet dating came at the same time, and in a consumer society a lot of people really think (not consciously maybe) that internet dating is like internet shopping - you go online, pick your item, and check out.

Except we're people and it doesn't work like that!

I've been on OKcupid with a new profile and a "*** it" attitude for a few months, not messaged anyone as I got fed up with sending long, well thought out messages only to be ignored about 50 times in the past. Someone mentions Fermi's Paradox in their profile, I talk about that, which is complex stuff - result, no reply. Someone mentions an obscure band that about 1 in a million people like, I mention that if I like it, if only just that it's cool to run into a fellow fan - no reply. "Don't just send one line "hi" messages" I don't - no reply. So I just say at the bottom that they'll really have to message me, so far nada, lol!

Yes, the "don't message me if you are a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i j....or x,y, z" just make me laugh. The "don't reply if you are a creep" also make me laugh as creeps generally lack the self awareness to realise they are creepy (as I think someone else said!). As for no timewasters, well surely that's more like an invitation to a timewaster?! :club:

I am like you Eve, I know I deserve better but unfortunately that often means having to quit or drown in all this nonsense.

A big problem with the guys is all this pickup artist and "game" nonsense that seems to be everywhere, I personally find all that so disrespectful to women and such a stinking pile of bull excrement that I will have to restrain from posting further :club:

I'm lucky to live in a big city in a small country so there are at least meetups and things - it's a shame those in huge places like the US are often in remote areas. Thankfully there are forums like this so we don't all feel quite so alone.

Also I think friendship is an underrated kind of relationship, which isn't perhaps as restrictive as other kinds of relationships, and can work as well online sometimes.

I don't really know what the answer is - maybe things will change when they invent reliable teleportation and we can just all beam to different cities for dates etc with likeminded people who happen to live 1000s of miles away.

Now that would be awesome, gonna buy "TeleportDating.com" and patent it now :club:

ETA: also thought of beam2date.com - if this ever happens, I stand to make a fortune, unfortunately I think we're a few thousand years off the tech at least

 

[Batman55]

For TheWalkingDead, what do you think is it about yourself, or your profile, etc, that seems to be garnering such a lousy response rate? (FWIW, I can't say i did any better during the short time I was a member.)

No disrespect to you or anyone else, but I have occasionally seen men here and elsewhere mention having success with these sites or at least getting "a good number" of replies, and such.

I'll admit it's hard to "pin down" exactly what the causative factor is for getting many vs. few-to-no replies, but it couldn't hurt to speculate a little eh?

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'll admit it's hard to "pin down" exactly what the causative factor is for getting many vs. few-to-no replies, but it couldn't hurt to speculate a little eh?

Maybe it's just the difference in personality or character. It doesn't mean your personality sucks, it probably just means that there are more ladies on those sites who are looking for guys like that. I don't know, I've never used any before. I don't know if there are sites meant for different types of people.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

For TheWalkingDead, what do you think is it about yourself, or your profile, etc, that seems to be garnering such a lousy response rate? (FWIW, I can't say i did any better during the short time I was a member.)

No disrespect to you or anyone else, but I have occasionally seen men here and elsewhere mention having success with these sites or at least getting "a good number" of replies, and such.

I'll admit it's hard to "pin down" exactly what the causative factor is for getting many vs. few-to-no replies, but it couldn't hurt to speculate a little eh?

I honestly don't know, there was another site once which was a bit more niche and my profile would get messages out of the blue and I had one short and one medium term relationship out of it. OKcupid etc - nothing, Unfortunately the other site is now closed.

Who can tell, again - I met 2 women off the other site, after the first meeting they both really wanted to meet me again. The last meeting I had from OKC, the person spent all day with me, I gave them plenty of options to break off the day, they wanted to go somewhere else so we did. Then as soon as we'd parted, they stopped replying to my messages.

The former 2 suggest that there can't be that much "wrong" with me, and believer me I have speculated. I am a warm, empathic, emotionally self aware and kind human being. I have a number of female friends who appreciate my qualities, am sure if they were not already married with families then something more may have happened but having affairs is not my cup of tea (something did nearly happen with one but I put a stop to it because it would have spoiled a valued friendship). If I need to be something else to get replies off a site like OKC then screw that

Yes maybe there are good reasons why they don't reply or maybe not. I heard a woman say the other day, "I'd rather have a bloke who doesn't think too much and is happy with the football and a couple of beers". But I like to think there are women out there who appreciate more than that in a man :club:

---

I'll admit it's hard to "pin down" exactly what the causative factor is for getting many vs. few-to-no replies, but it couldn't hurt to speculate a little eh?

Maybe it's just the difference in personality or character. It doesn't mean your personality sucks, it probably just means that there are more ladies on those sites who are looking for guys like that. I don't know, I've never used any before. I don't know if there are sites meant for different types of people.

I think being different is a beautiful thing - I think there are a lot of really interesting, wonderful people on this site, but what do we all share in common? That L word comes up for us doesn't it - and I think this is partly because society is a bit scared of the different, and thinks if you're not a straight down the line cardboard cutout of what a person "should" be then you should be brushed off to the sidelines.

I expect most of us here have experienced a lot of rejection, like every human at some point in their lives. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us, but I guess some of us are more thin skinned than others.

Like, how many authors sold their book after 100 rejections - I bet there are more far more authors who gave up writing books after the first 2 or 3 rejections!

 

[ladyforsaken]

Yes maybe there are good reasons why they don't reply or maybe not. I heard a woman say the other day, "I'd rather have a bloke who doesn't think too much and is happy with the football and a couple of beers". But I like to think there are women out there who appreciate more than that in a man :club:

Definitely, TWD, there are women who appreciate more than that in a men. That just sounds pretty shallow.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

Been thinking about this and I think men are to blame for some of it. There are so many "PUAs" out there playing the dating sites as well as the bars and clubs etc, that maybe even a genuinely written message might just appear as if the sender has homed in on some things, and is presenting a picture of what the woman says she wants.

Maybe why women don't respond to me on the dating sites - but do if I'm lucky to meet them in real life at the right time (ie when they are single and free and not married with families!). I just though of another married lady who something nearly happened with - if I had no moral standards I guess it could have... I only ever seem to meet people who are already in relationships.

One thing that gets me about all this PUA stuff and game crap is that these guys go on about being put in the "friend zone" - like being friends with a woman has no value and the only thing that matters with a woman is getting in her pants as opposed to the friend zone, as if women aren't interesting and valuable human beings to have as friends, sigh. Am glad to be in the friend zone with the women I know.

This is why I am giving up on the dating sites and trying meetup instead - there will be some single people around so who knows, and if nothing else happens I might make a few new friends!

My meetup on Saturday was me and a bunch of women, they were all going on about some of the creepy guys who've been thinking it's for picking up women and hitting on much younger women, etc - they all said they'd found me refreshingly....

Ooops, refreshingly something, posted in error and forgot the word - decent, non pushy, OK, non creepy or whatever...

So no, I don't think there's anything wrong with me

 

[writerchick]

I hear about all of these women who get flooded with men sending them messages on the dating sites, but I rarely get anything. My firends tell me I'm attractive but the men online don't agree.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Yes maybe there are good reasons why they don't reply or maybe not. I heard a woman say the other day, "I'd rather have a bloke who doesn't think too much and is happy with the football and a couple of beers". But I like to think there are women out there who appreciate more than that in a man :club:

Definitely, TWD, there are women who appreciate more than that in a men. That just sounds pretty shallow.

^^ Agreed. I'd be bored in about 30 minutes.

---

So no, I don't think there's anything wrong with me

Of course there isn't!! :club: You're a doll. A dead doll, but still a doll.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

Of course there isn't!! :club: You're a doll. A dead doll, but still a doll.

Lol

Like your new avatar thinggy btw!

 

[EveWasFramed]

Of course there isn't!! :club: You're a doll. A dead doll, but still a doll.

Lol

Like your new avatar thinggy btw!

Why thank you, kind sir!

BTW, Im a Slipknot fan also.