lonelyguy_in_denmark
Member
Hi
My name is David. I don’t know if my name really apply to my situation, but I’m really bad at making usernames.
First I want to warn that it’s a long post. Sorry for that but I just had to get it out. Thank you so much if you’re reading it all. Second of all I didn't know exactly where to put this thread because it touches many issues, so I just posted it under social problems
Well, I’ve been on this site for quite some time now, but It’s first now I have the guts to write my problems since I think others have bigger problems than I have and I don’t really like to talk about myself, but I’ve decided that I need other people’s help.
I’m 21 years old and I live in a city called Aalborg which is located in Denmark. Before moving to Aalborg I lived in a small town called Maribo, which is a long way from Aalborg. My mom moved there with me and my little sister when I turned 15 because she found a boyfriend, who lived there.
In Maribo is where my problems started. I started in school when I was about 6 yrs old, and in the first two years there weren’t problems at all. But in my third year the bullying started. I was bullied both physically and mentally. I was beaten up and being called stuff. I don’t know why they did it, but I’ve been told later that it might have been because I was good in school. I always finished with assignments before others. Even my teacher bullied me. It was so terrible that my mom, when she found what I’ve been exposed to, immediately got me into a new school. In that school there wasn’t any problems at all until I had to start on my 8th year. That year we were assigned into new classes. And in that class the bullying began again. This time it was mostly mental, but also physical. I was exposed to racism (I have a darker skin tone than a normal Danish person. My mom is Danish, but my father is American – I will get to him later), being called stuff etc. I wasn’t beaten up as such, but I was exposed to my “classmates” that pretended to rape me – one held me down while another was pretending to rape me. Everybody had their clothes on though. This bullying went on for two years. It wasn’t like I didn’t have friends. I did have a few and one very close (I sadly lost contact to those friends after moving to Aalborg).
Then my mom decided to move to Aalborg for my 10th and last year of school, which meant that I started in a new school. The decision to move to Aalborg is the best decision my mom has ever made. In that 10th year I was for the first time since before 7th year a part of a class. I felt great and I’m still hanging out with most of the guys from that class.
Then I started in high school which in Denmark is three years. In those three years I wasn’t a part of the class. I sat for myself in recesses. My classmates did invite me to parties and stuff, but when I was in school, I wasn’t able to talk to them about stuff because I was and still am terrible at making long conversations with people. I really don’t know why. If I had to guess it would be because I still suffer from the bullying’s. I don’t think I trust that much in people. When at parties I still had trouble speaking with my classmates because they talked about stuff I couldn’t participate in. They mainly talked about gossip about people living in Aalborg, and since I’m not from Aalborg, I couldn’t speak along. When they finally talked about stuff I could speak along to, I still struggled to get my say through to them. I think I sometimes was ignored. In high school my problems just kept growing. I felt alone and sad. I felt I was nothing and that I was a complete zero. I felt ignored in class and felt that nobody would hang out with me. Outside school I had one close friend and some other friends that I hanged out with and still does. But none of these friends was someone I could talk about my problems with. I still haven’t got any close to me I can talk about my problems with. The problems kept growing to that point in the middle of second grade where I was so tired of life, that I actually tried to commit suicide. Luckily I failed. That was when I needed professional help so I sought help from my school psychologist. My mom actually helped me because I said to her that something was wrong. She doesn’t know that I tried suicide. My school psychologist was quite good I think. He said to me that the grade I was in (3rd grade), should be a practice grade, because I was never to see them again. That actually helped a lot and I was suddenly more part of the class than ever before. Then we graduated and had our student week, which was one of the best weeks I’ve ever had, if not the best. That week I was all of sudden more part of the class than I’ve ever been before.
Now I started at the university. My university (which is Aalborg University) we focus a lot on group work so the first semester I got into a group that worked really well together (also outside school) despite we sometimes had arguments. That group broke up at the 2nd semester because we were distributed to our respective studies (the first semester is a mixture of a lot of studies). After our split I only maintained to keep contact to one, which now is one of my best friends actually. Still I have trouble opening up to him, which I also have to some of my other friends.
I know study at the 3rd semester at the university and I actually feel accepted in a group because in my study we are a group of boys, who are getting along really well. We are having parties together, we are having dinner together (as we call it: guys night out) and so on.
But still I have issues. Girls are my issue. I know that I’m only 21 and it shouldn’t be an issue. But I’ve never had a girlfriend. I don’t think I’m important enough to have a girlfriend. I think every other guy has got the same content as I do, if not more because I haven’t got a lot of life experience. I’ve got a little but not as much as my friends, just to give an example. I’ve almost given up believing in getting contact to the opposite sex even though something in me tries to keep believing.
I have other issues than just girls. I have problems about having longer conversations with people. I have difficulties smalltalking to people because I first of all appear to nervous (having trouble keeping eyecontact, grinding my hands etc.), have complete other interest than others (I really have weird interest including music taste than others) etc. That is why I have trouble talking to others.
Third issue I have is that I don’t believe in myself enough. I’ve often been told by other guys that I looked superhot. The same goes with a few girls whom I and they already know I wouldn’t have a chance with. But I just think they are just trying to cheer me up. But I don’t believe in it sadly enough.
Fourth issue I have is that I put everybody else in front of my needs. I feel that others and their issues are more important than mine so I’m helping others instead of listening to my own problems, which I know now isn’t good for me. I really have difficulties saying no. I want to be better at saying no.
In fact I’ve almost stopped believing and hoping for things. What should I do?
Oh yeah my dad. I don’t know my dad and he probably doesn’t know that I exist. My mom lived in London for about 4 years. In the last year living there she met my dad. In the end of the relationship my mom went to an abortion Clinique because she thought she was pregnant which she were she found she were. She was very happy actually. But she never told my dad because my dad wanted to go back to the states (he was American and probably half native America). My mom didn’t want to go to America so when they broke for him leaving for America, she decided not to tell him about her kid. She thought afterwards that Denmark would be a good place to raise me because it was close to relatives.
Thank you for reading
David.
I forgot to mention a few things. First that I moved away from home in the end of the first year at highschool whcih meant that I obtained a great relationship with my mother. She now actually is one of my best friends. Second is that I am seeking help at a psychologist for young people like me. She is good and she has helped me a bit but I know I have a long way to go. It's been a while since I wrote the text above. Though it's been a while the problems above are still current. In addition to the opposite sex issue I can say that I'm really thin which affects me as well.
Thanks for reading
David
My name is David. I don’t know if my name really apply to my situation, but I’m really bad at making usernames.
First I want to warn that it’s a long post. Sorry for that but I just had to get it out. Thank you so much if you’re reading it all. Second of all I didn't know exactly where to put this thread because it touches many issues, so I just posted it under social problems
Well, I’ve been on this site for quite some time now, but It’s first now I have the guts to write my problems since I think others have bigger problems than I have and I don’t really like to talk about myself, but I’ve decided that I need other people’s help.
I’m 21 years old and I live in a city called Aalborg which is located in Denmark. Before moving to Aalborg I lived in a small town called Maribo, which is a long way from Aalborg. My mom moved there with me and my little sister when I turned 15 because she found a boyfriend, who lived there.
In Maribo is where my problems started. I started in school when I was about 6 yrs old, and in the first two years there weren’t problems at all. But in my third year the bullying started. I was bullied both physically and mentally. I was beaten up and being called stuff. I don’t know why they did it, but I’ve been told later that it might have been because I was good in school. I always finished with assignments before others. Even my teacher bullied me. It was so terrible that my mom, when she found what I’ve been exposed to, immediately got me into a new school. In that school there wasn’t any problems at all until I had to start on my 8th year. That year we were assigned into new classes. And in that class the bullying began again. This time it was mostly mental, but also physical. I was exposed to racism (I have a darker skin tone than a normal Danish person. My mom is Danish, but my father is American – I will get to him later), being called stuff etc. I wasn’t beaten up as such, but I was exposed to my “classmates” that pretended to rape me – one held me down while another was pretending to rape me. Everybody had their clothes on though. This bullying went on for two years. It wasn’t like I didn’t have friends. I did have a few and one very close (I sadly lost contact to those friends after moving to Aalborg).
Then my mom decided to move to Aalborg for my 10th and last year of school, which meant that I started in a new school. The decision to move to Aalborg is the best decision my mom has ever made. In that 10th year I was for the first time since before 7th year a part of a class. I felt great and I’m still hanging out with most of the guys from that class.
Then I started in high school which in Denmark is three years. In those three years I wasn’t a part of the class. I sat for myself in recesses. My classmates did invite me to parties and stuff, but when I was in school, I wasn’t able to talk to them about stuff because I was and still am terrible at making long conversations with people. I really don’t know why. If I had to guess it would be because I still suffer from the bullying’s. I don’t think I trust that much in people. When at parties I still had trouble speaking with my classmates because they talked about stuff I couldn’t participate in. They mainly talked about gossip about people living in Aalborg, and since I’m not from Aalborg, I couldn’t speak along. When they finally talked about stuff I could speak along to, I still struggled to get my say through to them. I think I sometimes was ignored. In high school my problems just kept growing. I felt alone and sad. I felt I was nothing and that I was a complete zero. I felt ignored in class and felt that nobody would hang out with me. Outside school I had one close friend and some other friends that I hanged out with and still does. But none of these friends was someone I could talk about my problems with. I still haven’t got any close to me I can talk about my problems with. The problems kept growing to that point in the middle of second grade where I was so tired of life, that I actually tried to commit suicide. Luckily I failed. That was when I needed professional help so I sought help from my school psychologist. My mom actually helped me because I said to her that something was wrong. She doesn’t know that I tried suicide. My school psychologist was quite good I think. He said to me that the grade I was in (3rd grade), should be a practice grade, because I was never to see them again. That actually helped a lot and I was suddenly more part of the class than ever before. Then we graduated and had our student week, which was one of the best weeks I’ve ever had, if not the best. That week I was all of sudden more part of the class than I’ve ever been before.
Now I started at the university. My university (which is Aalborg University) we focus a lot on group work so the first semester I got into a group that worked really well together (also outside school) despite we sometimes had arguments. That group broke up at the 2nd semester because we were distributed to our respective studies (the first semester is a mixture of a lot of studies). After our split I only maintained to keep contact to one, which now is one of my best friends actually. Still I have trouble opening up to him, which I also have to some of my other friends.
I know study at the 3rd semester at the university and I actually feel accepted in a group because in my study we are a group of boys, who are getting along really well. We are having parties together, we are having dinner together (as we call it: guys night out) and so on.
But still I have issues. Girls are my issue. I know that I’m only 21 and it shouldn’t be an issue. But I’ve never had a girlfriend. I don’t think I’m important enough to have a girlfriend. I think every other guy has got the same content as I do, if not more because I haven’t got a lot of life experience. I’ve got a little but not as much as my friends, just to give an example. I’ve almost given up believing in getting contact to the opposite sex even though something in me tries to keep believing.
I have other issues than just girls. I have problems about having longer conversations with people. I have difficulties smalltalking to people because I first of all appear to nervous (having trouble keeping eyecontact, grinding my hands etc.), have complete other interest than others (I really have weird interest including music taste than others) etc. That is why I have trouble talking to others.
Third issue I have is that I don’t believe in myself enough. I’ve often been told by other guys that I looked superhot. The same goes with a few girls whom I and they already know I wouldn’t have a chance with. But I just think they are just trying to cheer me up. But I don’t believe in it sadly enough.
Fourth issue I have is that I put everybody else in front of my needs. I feel that others and their issues are more important than mine so I’m helping others instead of listening to my own problems, which I know now isn’t good for me. I really have difficulties saying no. I want to be better at saying no.
In fact I’ve almost stopped believing and hoping for things. What should I do?
Oh yeah my dad. I don’t know my dad and he probably doesn’t know that I exist. My mom lived in London for about 4 years. In the last year living there she met my dad. In the end of the relationship my mom went to an abortion Clinique because she thought she was pregnant which she were she found she were. She was very happy actually. But she never told my dad because my dad wanted to go back to the states (he was American and probably half native America). My mom didn’t want to go to America so when they broke for him leaving for America, she decided not to tell him about her kid. She thought afterwards that Denmark would be a good place to raise me because it was close to relatives.
Thank you for reading
David.
I forgot to mention a few things. First that I moved away from home in the end of the first year at highschool whcih meant that I obtained a great relationship with my mother. She now actually is one of my best friends. Second is that I am seeking help at a psychologist for young people like me. She is good and she has helped me a bit but I know I have a long way to go. It's been a while since I wrote the text above. Though it's been a while the problems above are still current. In addition to the opposite sex issue I can say that I'm really thin which affects me as well.
Thanks for reading
David
