Painfully insecure to the point of avoiding people and places

[Restless soul]

Perhaps because they are newer to the forum, and haven't stalked you.

Half-kiddin. Somnambulist does

 

[Somnambulist]

Perhaps because they are newer to the forum, and haven't stalked you.

Half-kiddin. Somnambulist does

Haha, if I don't keep an eye on ya, who will ?

 

[Restless soul]

Thanks friend

 

[Restless soul]

And then just moments ago. A friend said I look like someone that I look nothing like. He was like a younger version. Someone who I consider to be unattractive. So I ask you? How do I approach that??

 

[AlexD]

You need to realize that most people have probably forgotten the events you are recalling. This is because everyone is most concerned with themselves. You also may want to find out why you are giving so much importance to what others say anyways, because it seems like you have given them too much power over your life.

Yes, makes perfect sense. Very common train of thought. 
Unfortunately my train of thought is not rational when it comes to these instances. I.e. remembering what people have said that I have taken as a negative and blow to self -esteem. Though. Repetive thoughts and reoccurring thoughts when seeing those particular people.
 So what else to do then avoid them??

No. You cannot avoid the world. It is a reality. But you have every power to change the way you think. You have already recognized that this particular side of your thinking is not rational. They are people just like you, after all. You can always make an effort to associate yourself with better people. Make yourself less available to those who don't understand you. But by trying to avoid them, you are limiting yourself in so many ways and that's just counterproductive. Only you can change your thought process. Out life is what our thoughts make it, right? And there are so many, so many books written on positive thinking patterns. The reason why I am such a strong advocate for the thought process pattern change is because I used to be the most negative and self-limiting person I knew. But it is not who I am today. I know the techniques work. Remember that most of our limitations are completely self imposed. Nobody has the power to change this but you. Yes, you may need a little guidance. But your personal motivation to change the way you think about the world around you, is the most important component. I tell this to all my self-confidence clients before we even start working together.

 

[AlexD]

And then just moments ago. A friend said I look like someone that I look nothing like. He was like a younger version. Someone who I consider to be unattractive.  So I ask you? How do I approach that??

I'd just say "Oh yeah? Interesting perspective" and then move on. You are paying too much attention to the very unimportant things other say, letting them control your life.

 

[Restless soul]

And then just moments ago. A friend said I look like someone that I look nothing like. He was like a younger version. Someone who I consider to be unattractive.  So I ask you? How do I approach that??

I'd just say "Oh yeah? Interesting perspective" and then move on. You are paying too much attention to the very unimportant things other say, letting them control your life.

But here is what is causing me to obbsess. In my mind. I think why did he say that? Does he really think I look like him?
And if he truly thinks so it might be somewhat true and others might start thinking so too? Does that make sense?

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

If they say you look like someone, then yes, they think you look like them. Why did he say it? Because he thinks it. Questions answered. Move on from it.

 

[AlexD]

And then just moments ago. A friend said I look like someone that I look nothing like. He was like a younger version. Someone who I consider to be unattractive.  So I ask you? How do I approach that??

I'd just say "Oh yeah? Interesting perspective" and then move on. You are paying too much attention to the very unimportant things other say, letting them control your life.

But here is what is causing me to obbsess. In my mind. I think why did he say that? Does he really think I look like him?
And if he truly thinks so it might be somewhat true and others might start thinking so too? Does that make sense?

Again, you can change that thought pattern. It is very time wasteful. The way you look is then way you look. You care too much about what others think. This is the first thing you need to start working on.

 

[Restless soul]

And then just moments ago. A friend said I look like someone that I look nothing like. He was like a younger version. Someone who I consider to be unattractive.  So I ask you? How do I approach that??

I'd just say "Oh yeah? Interesting perspective" and then move on. You are paying too much attention to the very unimportant things other say, letting them control your life.

But here is what is causing me to obbsess. In my mind. I think why did he say that? Does he really think I look like him?
And if he truly thinks so it might be somewhat true and others might start thinking so too? Does that make sense?

Again, you can change that thought pattern. It is very time wasteful. The way you look is then way you look. You care too much about what others think. This is the first thing you need to start working on.

Ok, but how? What do I change about my thinking? Should 
I feel like I am not handsome because someone thinks I look like someone that would be considered to be not? How do you change that thinking?

 

[Restless soul]

If they say you look like someone, then yes, they think you look like them. Why did he say it? Because he thinks it. Questions answered. Move on from it.

But should that change my perception and my self-image that I have of me? Thats what comments like that do.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

and back to the point that you are thinking too much about it.

 

[Restless soul]

and back to the point that you are thinking too much about it.

I am. Obviously. We can all see that!!

 

[Restless soul]

Amy, you make it sound so simple don't you??

 

[Somnambulist]

You are getting lost in your thoughts each time, even though you know them to be not only useless but harmful. Thinking is a bottomless pit, Restless. You have to find a way to step out of it.

No amount of reasoning or logic about whether or not you look like Brad Pitt or John Candy is going to help you the slightest, because tomorrow, someone else will say something and you're back to square one.

Don't put a bandaid on this honeysuckle, fuckin do some brain surgery on it.

 

[AlexD]

And then just moments ago. A friend said I look like someone that I look nothing like. He was like a younger version. Someone who I consider to be unattractive.  So I ask you? How do I approach that??

I'd just say "Oh yeah? Interesting perspective" and then move on. You are paying too much attention to the very unimportant things other say, letting them control your life.

But here is what is causing me to obbsess. In my mind. I think why did he say that? Does he really think I look like him?
And if he truly thinks so it might be somewhat true and others might start thinking so too? Does that make sense?

Again, you can change that thought pattern. It is very time wasteful. The way you look is then way you look. You care too much about what others think. This is the first thing you need to start working on.

Ok, but how? What do I change about my thinking? Should 
I feel like I am not handsome because someone thinks I look like someone that would be considered to be not? How do you change that thinking?

That is a longer conversation, and in fact it will take several conversations, because there are techniques that can be practiced exactly in these types of situations until you are in control and then you will be able to see how insignificant other people's opinions about the way you look are in the grand scheme of things. You can PM me if you'd like. I should be able to check this forum again tomorrow.

 

[Restless soul]

Thanks for that. Will do, Alex

 

[Kianda]

[...] If I see them coming down the street I would go in the opposite direction and hope they did not see me [..]

Been there, done that - I'm still battling my demons but life's too short to care about people that don't care back.

I'll say hello with a smile and then quickly move on, because not everything from the past can be resolved.

So like a grin and bare it kind of approach.  Not sure I can..

What other choice have you got?

 

[Restless soul]

I sent alex a message already, lets see what he says

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Don't put a bandaid on this honeysuckle, fuckin do some brain surgery on it.

You should copyright this