People around you, like you

[Mr.YellowCat]

Thought for quite some time which words should I use for this thread. But at the end of the day, I was unsuccesful doing so. Wheather it was my inability to fully expres myself using a lauguage I´m long away from mastering, or the lack of my skils to convert my thought into words, is unclear, but I still hope that the simple sentence of the title shall be enough for the understanding of what I´m trying to say here.

There are people around us. Regular, normal people, or so as we percieve them. People we often look at and envy them for their strenght, for the balance in their life, for their ability to engage in social relationships, and for their ability to cominucate with people around them.
But somethimes, although not all the times, nor even the majority of times, we may be blinded by the suffering of ours. We may see the masks of people, similar to our owns. And as we see them, we do not find the courage to look past them.
How many of us can recall the situation when we were asked ,,are you okay?" or ,,is everything all right?", and the way answered, lying, ,,of course!" or ,,why would I not be okay?".
And how many times have we asked? And how many times we got similar answer?
In our own case, we know of the lie, of the mask we put on. We know that what we tell our friends is not the real state of things, but its rather something we tell them for them not to be concerned, or for them not to try to do something that wouldnt work, as many of us might think of ourselves as lost causes.
But really, how many times have we gotten the same answer, and took it, as the friends of ours took it?

I´m fairly sure that in our life times, we can recal people around us that did not "fit". people around us that we never really understood, not fully, nor partialy. People that we knew are living somehow, but never really believed that they may be in a state of mind similar to ours. We may have cared, in some way, but we also may have not cared really. We might have come up with excuses..not realy excuses, as it was never really on our mind how they feel...why we shall just walk past them, offering a ocasional "hi" or "how are you doing?..fine, you? fine!".

And these people... Us, as we are the people, really...live in our daily lives. They may have a desk next to yours at work, you may greet them in a restaurant, you may talk with them about your school project. They exist, just as we do, and just as we do, they may not be seen. They may be hidden, just like us, in the eyes of the people around. ,,Thats the lonely one!" ,,Thats the one with depression!" is something neither one of us in here wants to be known as, no matter if its true, or not. But we do exist, just as they do, and we are in the same group, hidding among the population of "happy" people. And in this big happy group, we asume every one else is a part of it. And because of that, we may not see the ones like us, that are not a members of it, but are living their daily lives in it.

So my question is:
Are there people like you, around you?


I have my hopes that this question may be a impulse for some introspection, and an oportunity to see the world around us in befitting colors, rather than those we choose to see on purpose of our safety, or delusion. I can only hope that because of this question, people may start to see people around that may be people we may be closer too, that we may actually find some companions in whichever way of raltionship that may be. I can only hope.




And please, dont burn me on this I have been thinking for quite some time if I should start some thread again, as the last one I made turned out to be a collosal failure. I choose this thread out of those I have on my mind, and I hope that it will be good, that people will like it.

Thank you all for reading to this point. You are kind people to give me so much of your time
I wish you a nice day, and hope that what I wrote may be of a good purpose for you

Mr. Yellow Cat

 

[R2349]

I think I get what you're saying. We assume that our loneliness makes us different from everyone else, or our brokenness, or what have you, when really, everyone has their own circumstances and many feel just the same way.

Personally, I don't even try to look for such people, I definitely choose to see their 'masks'. Too afraid of rejection, I guess. Though not trying tends to lead you to the same result, which is being alone anyway, since all those years where one could have tried reaching out were spent with arms wrapped around oneself in defense. I don't know, though, after so long, I almost feel like I can't even spot such people anymore, or even if I see someone, there's no opportunity to talk other than 'Hi.'

I almost wish that loneliness or depression, etc, had some kind of physical manifestation, like your eyes becoming dull or your hair changing.. which sounds weird, but then at least the pain going on inside would be made real to others, because you could see it. That's the biggest problem, I think, no one can see it, even you can't see it yourself, and that makes it easier to dismiss as not real or important.

 

[jaguarundi]

^^There is a lot in this thread, I think.

And yes, I'm sure that the majority of people 'we' think of as being happier/ friendlier/ livelier/ more interesting or whatever, in fact have a whole heap of issues of their own.

Sometimes I ask myself - do we, those who see ourselves as lonely or unloved - do we maybe cling to our 'difference' because it makes us feel special ? A kind of front against the world?

And I agree entirely with my fellow cat-person. We should look a bit more closely, try to see the similarities between us - all of us -, rather than the differences. But is this a counsel of perfection, given human nature - our tendency to like to see an 'us' and a 'them.'?

A tendency, as altghost says, perhaps simply based in the end, on fear?

We should open our eyes, we should keep them open. There is a jewish saying, I believe (and forgive me quoting it wrongly) that the person who saves one other person, saves the entire world. Because if all of us saw through the masks and helped just one other person - what a world we could be living in!

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

Thank both of you for the reply I was hoping for discussion to emerge out of this thread.
But, at the end of the day, neither of you gave me an answer to the question.
Are there people like you around you?

 

[skippyd]

I understand what you're getting at here. I am going through a phase myself now of questioning what people are about and what they mean and I always look back at myself to see if I am just as guilty of whatever it is I am judging the other person for and sometimes I am. I am getting tired of all the shallow materialism around me. When we wear masks to much for too long we forget who is under them.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

Are there people like you around you?

I'm sure there are. I know of one in particular, and several others that I would suspect of being in the same boat, that is, the loneliness boat. But I don't really see what that changes.

Maybe it's just me, but the criteria that I use in trying to establish a relationship with somebody isn't whether or not they are lonely (or even whether I am lonely) because a relationship built like that is forced and unsatisfying. Relationships generally form spontaneously with the people that we meet if we like them or have similar tastes.

Everybody struggles and everybody hurts. That is the process of life and learning. And ultimately, we all end up dead whether we've made good with our lives or not. To acknowledge that struggle is something I wish more people would do and stop being so fake as you pointed out in your post. People generally are very fake, and don't present their real selves to the world. I tend to do that more than most people, by habit or by my nature I'm not sure which, and end up running into social snags all the **** time. But then I'm ALSO accused of being quiet/standoffish when I do try to present a more white-washed version of myself to the world. I can't win. Some people want you to be real, truthful, and honest, and others are horrified at the prospect.

Are you suggesting that a relationship should form based on a mutually-shared loneliness and unhappiness with life? Sounds kind of destructive.

Well anyway, I feel like I may have misinterpretted your post, but hopefully moved the discussion along anyway.

 

[sk66rc]

Going by the sheer number of people in the world, statistically speaking, there has to be people like me out there though I haven't run into any yet... I've been told by people I work with & few friends that I remind them of someone, of course at different degree & variations...

 

[Triple Bogey]

i think a lot of people are lonely.
A few are like me, people who don't attract members of the other sex. Some people have no chance because they don't keep themselves clean and have no social skills.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

Are there people like you around you?

I'm sure there are. I know of one in particular, and several others that I would suspect of being in the same boat, that is, the loneliness boat. But I don't really see what that changes.

Maybe it's just me, but the criteria that I use in trying to establish a relationship with somebody isn't whether or not they are lonely (or even whether I am lonely) because a relationship built like that is forced and unsatisfying. Relationships generally form spontaneously with the people that we meet if we like them or have similar tastes.

Everybody struggles and everybody hurts. That is the process of life and learning. And ultimately, we all end up dead whether we've made good with our lives or not. To acknowledge that struggle is something I wish more people would do and stop being so fake as you pointed out in your post. People generally are very fake, and don't present their real selves to the world. I tend to do that more than most people, by habit or by my nature I'm not sure which, and end up running into social snags all the **** time. But then I'm ALSO accused of being quiet/standoffish when I do try to present a more white-washed version of myself to the world. I can't win. Some people want you to be real, truthful, and honest, and others are horrified at the prospect.

Are you suggesting that a relationship should form based on a mutually-shared loneliness and unhappiness with life? Sounds kind of destructive.

Well anyway, I feel like I may have misinterpretted your post, but hopefully moved the discussion along anyway.

Nope, you didnt misinterpreted it, as far as I see
And you make some very good points. Thank you for bringing your opinion on the table.

Although you may misunderstood one thing a little bit. I was not talking about relationship as of a partnership, but rather a relationship, as what the word means. Even enemies have a relationship
To make it easier, friends, is something that may grow out of the common feeling of loneliness.
You said similar tastes, hobbies, but its also similarities in life that may bring one closer to another, for one to understand the other, similar experience is useful.
We may find comfort in knowing that we are not alone, as its being lonely why we are here. And the one we may talk with, who is in a similar position, may offer us his/her point of view about things we are going through.

We may find people among the group I´m talking about that may make our day less lonely. I dont have anyone to share a coffee with, for instance. And the fact of having someone to have coffee with would be great for people who are lonely, or rather who dont have someone to go out with like this. Ar go out to lunch when we work, but eat alone unlike others.

But of course, we can not be friend or spend time with someone solely out of the fact that we are lonely. But its the nature of ours that we may hide things bout ourselves, being rather introverted, that are not visible on a first glance. We may not know about the interests of the said person, as he/she may not know about those of ours. And those things we will not know until we ask, and break the face mask barrier, as we were talking about

I hope I explained myself And I hope that makes sense, I know my thoughts are often quite fuzzy.

And thank you for replying and sharing your opinion with us, you are kind to do so

---

Going by the sheer number of people in the world, statistically speaking, there has to be people like me out there though I haven't run into any yet... I've been told by people I work with & few friends that I remind them of someone, of course at different degree & variations...

You sure you haven't met any? Isn't that also statistically improbable?

---

i think a lot of people are lonely.
A few are like me, people who don't attract members of the other sex. Some people have no chance because they don't keep themselves clean and have no social skills.

And are they around you?





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And thank you all for the replying, you are really kind to do so and discuss this

 

[sk66rc]

Going by the sheer number of people in the world, statistically speaking, there has to be people like me out there though I haven't run into any yet... I've been told by people I work with & few friends that I remind them of someone, of course at different degree & variations...

You sure you haven't met any? Isn't that also statistically improbable?

---

Considering the fact that I don't really get out much, I highly doubt I met any... Then again, you're right... I should've been more clear or been careful with the choice of my words... When I said I haven't run into any, what I mean was, I haven't had any type of meaningful interactions with any... Of course I could've walked by one... When I think of the word "meet", in the context we're talking about, I mean running into strangers or meeting a stranger for the first time, saying hi, going through introductions & having a meaningful conversation of some sort... I may have walked by them 3 times a day but may not have actually "met" them... There's a girl that works in Starbucks behind my work that I've been going to for little over 9 years... I noticed her working there for about 5 years now... I go in, order my coffee, pay for it, grab my coffee & get out... It's been the same routine as long as she's been there... I haven't really "met" her in the context we're talking about... She ignores me outside of Starbucks, obviously she's a local girl... She's doing her job & I don't expect anything more... She's just a random girl... Have we met? Not really... I admit, she could be just like me... But I haven't talk to her long enough to find out... So to go back to my original statement, no, I haven't really met anybody like me even though it is statistically very possible that they are around...