People avoid me because of this

[Stonely]

You shouldn't allow online relationships to hurt your self esteem.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You shouldn't allow online relationships to hurt your self esteem.

You shouldn't allow ANY relationship to hurt your self esteem. Online or off.

 

[Triple Bogey]

You shouldn't allow online relationships to hurt your self esteem.

You shouldn't allow ANY relationship to hurt your self esteem. Online or off.

Easier said than done.

 

[Byronic]

I don't mind talking about my depression with others as I see it as a chance to educate and de-stigmatise the issue. However, delivery of the message is very important, so I try to do so very clinically, describing the experience in a very calm and open manner, and in return people are very positive.

A lot of "normal" people don't understand what depression is all about, so if you just say you have it they really don't know how to respond to you, but if you take the time to educate them, they become very understanding.

 

[msbxa]

Just want to say that reading over this thread, it kind of puts me at sort of a peace.
The reason why is because I have been upset for a long time with how during times when you are depressed or down, people avoid or abandon you. But yet during times when you are doing well, they gravitate to you. That never seemed right to me.
However reading over these posts puts things into a different perspective. The reasons to avoid a depressed/down person makes sense. Makes me more assure that when I myself am in a down, perhaps it is actually BETTER to be alone until it passes.

 

[dd11]

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.

I remember hearing that qoute and there is wisdom in that.

 

[msbxa]

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.

Yeah a statement like that is exactly why I have been bothered by this for a long time. It just does not seem right.
Like human beings are so selfish and opportunistic they jump along with the good ride, but yet when you are down, they are like meh, don't need em anymore, and they are left abandoned in misery.
However, understanding the fact of how depression and negativity can be infecting and draining, and how there is not really anything they can really do to help you without also dragging themselves down as well, etc., this makes their avoidant behavior seem more justifiable and acceptable.

 

[dd11]

I don't think it is "right or wrong". Depression is a bottomless pit that will do everything in its power to suck the joy out of your life. So, why give it more opportunity? I think that saying is good advice in many ways. Allow yourself to laugh with others. Keep it light. Don't let depression be the focus. Others want to laugh too. So, play board games, or chat about something silly or frivolous, etc. Even if someone listens and sympathizes, how much does that help really? Another person cannot fix what is inside of you. And, I really think that the more you get about living your actual life that the less depression can have a hold on you.

 

[Case]

The moment I realized that people get uncomfortable if I talk about depression is an incident when I was reaching out to my brother. I asked him if he ever gets depressed, and he responded angrily to me as if I had asked him if he wanted to cook and eat babies. He said I already knew that he doesn't get depressed, and his hostility was such a shock that I haven't talked to him about my problems ever since. Thanks bro.

 

[ardour]

As a typical socially isolated male and/or unpopular individual you can't really expect much tolerance for that.

A couple of friendswould probably not think poorly of me for talking about how low I was feeling, but I still wouldn't want to risk making them uncomfortable so I don't, and am honestly glad I haven't.

 

[MentatsGhoul]

I'm not sure about the specifics, but it depends on the degree, as well as how and when you talk about it.
Talking to someone for the first time and going straight into "I want to kill myself" is... uncomfortable and tough to deal with. Or even if you know someone well-ish and it's all you talk about.
Honestly, I've had depression for years, and even my empathy has its limits when it comes to that. Why? It's extremely damaging to you as well. When I was going through a tough break up, I was "friends" with a guy who would constantly, endlessly, talk about how hard it was for him that his friend stopped talking to him after he had basically harassed her. Every day, for hours, not accepting any of my advice, and this went on for months. It drove me absolutely insane and I was already in a really tough position with my own life.
And finally, HOW you approach talking about it is a big deal. You're putting the responsibility of dealing with your issues on someone else. That's fine. You SHOULD reach out when you can. But you also have the responsibility of being empathetic towards them. Thank them for their advice, even if it doesn't help. Don't just go "That doesn't help man, you don't understand". Be calm and rational. Give them a chance to help and support you, rather than forcing them into it.

A little example. What do you think is harder to deal with
a) "I just wanna die man, help me! Everything is so messed up, I have no hope!"
b) "Sorry man. I've just been going through a rough time lately. I've even been dealing with suicidal thoughts, and things just feel really bleak now. I appreciate you taking the time to help me out, you're a good friend"'
Obviously, A is harder to deal with. Just put yourself in the position of the person you're talking to.

 

[I_still_believe]

I've been going through yet another wave of depression. It seems that everybody I try to talk to about this either abandons the conversation or just ignores it. I feel totally alone and worthless right now.

An example, I said I was depressed to 3 different people online and they all basically stopped talking to me. The fact they did that makes me feel even worse.

Nobody ever checks up on me, to see how I'm doing. Nobody in real life or online. It makes me think I'm worthless and unwanted.

Now I wonder whether to bother even trying to talk about it to anybody, because from all of my experience nobody gives a honeysuckle, because if they did, I wouldn't be making this thread.

Please watch this vid my friend. I know this post is a bit dated, but any possibility at gaining a new perspective is worth a try & could? be the first step to a new, happy life. Lemme know if there's anything (and I truly mean ANYTHING) I can do to help.

 

[gluguy]

From my experience, people will avoid you if you say it because:

- They don't believe you. The typical "Nah, you're not depressed" or "Your situation is just too good to be depressed", and so on.
- They have their own problems, but instead of sharing them with you, they become furious and ignore you instead.
- They want to help, but they cannot, and this makes them feel bad, and they'd rather ignore it than face the reality.
- They heard it constantly and they are sick and tired of you repeating it over and over again.

If you think about it, they can all be treated as some kind of twisted "five phases of grief".

The first one is obviously denial, which is usually paired with isolating either you, or the problem.

The second one is anger at its purest form. They aren't usually angry to you, but rather themselves, which is actually related to the next (third) one. It's also related to "depression", as they are also depressed.

While bargain is missing from the list, if you've ever met with a person who tries to make the conversation into a different topic - yeah, that's ALMOST exactly like that.

But you don't need these people at all.

What you really need is someone who can actually ACCEPT your current state, and while they may won't help you as you wish, someone who can at least say "I'm sorry" is the kind of person you want to be around.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Yes I'm actually going through this right now. I tried to talk to a few people. I suffer with a mood disorder, I rather not say it on here out of fear of being judged by people. However people tell me, just suck it up and be happy or simply try to get over your disorder. This disorder has been with me all through out my life. I do every little thing to try to get better. I wake up, I take a shower, do things that make me feel better. However during the day I get triggers from PTSD. Anyone who's been sexually and mentally, verbally and emotionally abused on and off for years will get PTSD. I have PTSD complex. It's not someone can just simply get over, it takes a lot of therapy, patient and understanding. I've gotten to the point now where I hate opening up to people cause nobody truly understands or they're simply tired of hearing about it. So what do I do? I keep it to myself and not talk about it out of fear of being abandoned. I have serious abandonment issues from being abused and when people abandon me I freak out and blame myself. There's times where I've cried for 2 hours simply cause someone ignores me. I try to reach out to them and get them to talk to me, however they continue to ignore me. I'm slowly giving up hope. All i can count on is myself. I do have friends-true friends and those people stick with me and don't judge me from things that I've been through. The only people who truly know what I'm going through is being who's personally been abused themselves and who are deeply depressed. These are the only people who truly understand me. Hopefully one day maybe someone can shock me and make me view things differently. I'm really hoping cause I still have faith in humanity and I'm still a very giving and loving person. However the people that has abandoned me has truly broken my heart and made my depression a lot worse.

 

[Loneliest at Night]

What does option #3 mean? "Sometimes this happens to me too." Sometimes WHAT happens?

 

[Bluey]

What does option #3 mean? "Sometimes this happens to me too." Sometimes WHAT happens?

Yea have to read the first post of this thread to be able to answer
The thread is an old one tho