people don't seem to like me

[twinklestar]

I hardly have ANY friends and i feel so left out and lonely...I can't work out why people don't like me and i have honestly given up now...i spend everyday wanting to die, what's the point of life?
On the surface it looks like i have 2 good female friends, one of them is lovely but the other is sly and just wants the lovely friend to herself..I've lost count of the social events the sly girl has arranged that she knows i can't go to or afford.......in fact this has happened quite a lot, me and my lovely friend are befriended but i quickly get dumped along the way...

I DID have a best friend up until a year ago and we did everything together until she made contact with old friends and i got dumped for her new friends....i hardly see her any more, in fact she will travel past my house and not drop in to say hello.
Without friends i have nothing in my life, i can't socialise(the sly friend will only go to clubs and bars SHE wants to go to...i have tried but i really don't feel comfortable in them....she won't even give my places a try)....and i feel starved of attention....i walk around feeling invisible all day, like i don't really exist

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I hardly have ANY friends and i feel so left out and lonely...I can't work out why people don't like me and i have honestly given up now...i spend everyday wanting to die, what's the point of life?
On the surface it looks like i have 2 good female friends, one of them is lovely but the other is sly and just wants the lovely friend to herself..I've lost count of the social events the sly girl has arranged that she knows i can't go to or afford.......in fact this has happened quite a lot, me and my lovely friend are befriended but i quickly get dumped along the way...

I DID have a best friend up until a year ago and we did everything together until she made contact with old friends and i got dumped for her new friends....i hardly see her any more, in fact she will travel past my house and not drop in to say hello.
Without friends i have nothing in my life, i can't socialise(the sly friend will only go to clubs and bars SHE wants to go to...i have tried but i really don't feel comfortable in them....she won't even give my places a try)....and i feel starved of attention....i walk around feeling invisible all day, like i don't really exist

Don't put too much faith in your friends. I did and I got burned pretty badly in the past.

You have to count on yourself, being your own person. You can never betray yourself, as silly as that sounds.

You'll find a really genuine friend one day and it'll be quite easy to spot compared to the "fake friends" that are so readily acquired. They'll be kind and stick up for you in front of others.

Make sure you're happy with your own life and confident in what you're doing every day. After that, the friendships will fix themselves over time.

I also suggest you cut off contact with your "sly friend". I had one like that before and they're really not friends at all.

 

[floffyschneeman]

Hello Twinklestar,

Sorry to hear about your struggles. I also have that annoying feeling or paranoia that people I meet or even people I have known for awhile including relatives don't like me. I also have the fear that they might talk about me behind my back. The hardest mindset to get over with is the feeling that they might be forced to put on a good face in front of me. I'd want them to just not talk to me if they don't like me, but then again, that's not also such a good situation to be in.

But sometimes, all these things are in fact, all in our heads. I started to see that everyone is the same when it comes to meeting friends. It's up to you too to prove that you are genuine on how you approach people. Everyone can't always tell if this person is true or not, but if you think everyone is untrustworthy, then it will be hard to make friends.

People are like you too, you want people you meet to give you a chance to be their friend, you also have to give them a chance to be your friends.

As for the sly friend, I think, we will always meet people like those once in awhile. I had and it tore such a huge piece of me that I find it hard to make new friends now. But I try to not let that trauma affect on how I deal with people. Not everyone is like her. I tell myself that every time.

You can only do two things with her, show her that you are a genuine friend and hope that eventually she will see that and reciprocate with the same thinking, or if you think she is just a toxic person to have in your life, (not saying she is a bad person, but that being with her only makes you feel/be negative towards yourself and other people) then find other friends who want to be your friend and not someone who deliberately makes you feel jealous so they could feel good at themselves.


I hope you'll find real friends. every one deserves them. Good luck and hugs

 

[twinklestar]

thanks for your replies.....I don't think the sly girl is a bad person, she just seems to want attention all for herself and gets bitchy when people give me attention....she doesn't like it when i better her at something for example....me and her would get on a whole lot better if she stopped been so selfish.....i find the whole only going to her places VERY selfish, and she does this as she's in her comfort zone there and gets loads of attention off men etc
the fact is as well, is she drains me off all self esteem and energy....for example on Facebook she leaves my nice friend hundreds and hundreds of 'Likes' and comments and on mine, a big fat zero!...its soul destroying
My Facebook is currently deactivated as i couldn't take any more of it

 

[whocares]

most people don't seem to like me either

-BUT-


fresia most people

 

[Badjedidude]

most people don't seem to like me either

-BUT-


fresia most people

I love this statement.

Be true to yourself. No one said that others HAVE to agree with you or like you. Don't spend all of your time bending over to match what others expect. It's true, however, that sometimes it IS worth it to sacrifice your own goals to gain a friend... but most of the time and for most people, just be yourself and generally you'll be able to find some friends.

 

[mintymint]

most people don't seem to like me either

-BUT-


fresia most people

I love this statement.

Think of the STDs D:

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^LOL

Mintymint... ever a literalist.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Its a cliche, but true: you have to love yourself first. I'm friends with myself and that lets me interact with the rest of the world in a much more healthy manner.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Yup. Exactly this.

If you're not content with who you are as a person, you have no stable grounds on which to build relationships with others IN ANY FORM.

 

[LoneKiller]

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. I've read a lot of posts here, and have noticed one thing that seems to stand out. That being wicked low confidence and self esteem. Myself included in a lot of ways.

Forums such as this in my opinion, are very important. VERY important.

I think that one thing we should consider is that it's 2011 and the world just isn't the way it was 20 years ago. Even 30 maybe. Everyone is out these days to rip you off in some fashion. Because so many people are getting burned by con artists, internet crime, identity theft, B&E, the list goes on, they are always on the defensive with a hardened heart. I'm not saying everyone is like this, but there are still so many out there who are.

I understand that these things have been going on for a long time, but have gotten progressively worse and are continuing to get worse. Rising grocery prices with less content for your money. Where I live, a standard box of "Froot Loops" costs $4.97-$5.50 depending on the store It's purchased at. The people that ***** about the price of the cereal are the same ones who buy it! Those prices aren't going to get lower if we keep on buying them.

Anyway, you must not blame yourself for the reasons that you are not making friends. If you are a serial killer, that's different. People are just not trusting others these days. It's not like you are responsible for what worries them. People today are getting more and more bitter and this causes them to have an even tougher time making friends.

One more factor that I think is important to know is that people are doing their best to hide it, but are scared to death these days. You don't think President Obama gets a little scared at times that he might have bit off more than he can chew? Take a good look at the man. He's getting more and more haggard looking by the year.

This is just my opinion. I hope it helps.

 

[awakenhonesty]

Thank you for your words of advice. They helped me as well. Somebody talked bad about me at school today and I overheard it. Instead of just taking that as that one person having a problem with me, I globalized it. I don't even know for sure if that person WAS talking about me and if he was, if it was BAD!

So all throughout the day people were like, "Hey Christi!" "HEY you!" and I either ignored them or believed they were being fake or playing a trick on me. I was near tears all day. I feel so stupid now, because part of me knew today that I was making up stories, that it was in my head.

I can't beat myself up, all I can do is move on and apologize to the people I ignored. I need to be more open to friendships and less paranoid about people in general. I am so worried that nobody is going to like me, that sooner or later, I will just section myself off from people! Then nobody will even know who I AM! Le sigh...

Long story short, you have opened my eyes, so thank you for choosing to respond to twinkle here, because you may have just changed my life. Isn't it interesting how the universe works? How we all affect each other and how each action matters?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Yes...but some poepl dont want to change or be openminded enough to see things in a different way...

bexcuase of the payoffs of being miseravble , self pity..etc..etc
An unhealty stratic of getting attention.

Some poeple are simply not educated
with lhealty living tools and skills.

Some pople arnt willing to put in the work to better themselve or do the neccasry foot work...easier to ***** and whine sometimes....

Some people are just mentally and emotionally sick or damaged...survived
mental, eomtional , physical and spiritual abuse...

Whatever the problems are...theres alway salutions.

But some salutions or advice given dosnt give a person exact instructions
of how to do it....

such as " BE HAPPY"...
well...no honeysuckle sherlock holmes.lol
So how in the fresia dose a person get from being fucvken miserable to being happy exactly??LMAO

---

So how dose a person get from having low self esteeem to have good self esteem???

welll....
1 stop feeling sorry for yourself..
This will stop the fucken cycle or momentum of going down the wrong fresia path

2 stop comparing youself to other people. Becuase when you compair..
you thinking other people are better than you ....Its fucken common sense.lol

3 Stop worrying so god **** much what people think or say about you....
Havent you heard.??? When people talk honeysuckle about you..it means your doing something right. Poeple that talk honeysuckle about you dont have a fucken life.LMAO

A person with good self esteem would know this...maybe beucase they reserched and worked on themselve?

---

So how in the fresia dose a person work on themselves eexactly???
Theres tons of literture on good self esteem...read and educated yourself
and stop playing so god **** much vedio games....

Get proactive....
I attend support groups. Its part of working on myself..Doing the fucken foot work. I dont always like to attend those meetings...But go bevcuase its all part of deciplaining myself and making a commitment to myself

Fucken go outside and exercise...
Get fucken freash air...itll help clear your mind and lower depression...
Get off of your ass and do something positive for yourself...

---

So how dose a person get people to like you?

First and formost...not everyone is going to like you...YOU HAVE BEEN INFORMED.lol so dont trip on that

This is want I do.....since I cant please everyone...I might as will hit on hawt babes with big titays
some people going to agree with that are they???

will honeysuckle Sherlock Holmes...
Stop worrying so god **** much what other people think about Ya...
Its in the instructions somewhere.LMAO

I cant please everyone..so I might as will make a hawt blonde wth big ass titays cream and scream.LOL

BTW...a sence of humor helps.

 

[In a lonely place]

Ditto the previous post. Be proud of yourself and your values. You are an amazing person and probably quite sensitive to other people's moods. This is doesn't have to be a bad thing - people generally like people who can empathise with them. People like to be liked, so 'go get em tiger'.

 

[ardour]

Yes...but some poepl dont want to change or be openminded enough to see things in a different way...

bexcuase of the payoffs of being miseravble , self pity..etc..etc
An unhealty stratic of getting attention.

Some poeple are simply not educated
with lhealty living tools and skills.

Some pople arnt willing to put in the work to better themselve or do the neccasry foot work...easier to ***** and whine sometimes....

Some people are just mentally and emotionally sick or damaged...survived
mental, eomtional , physical and spiritual abuse...

Whatever the problems are...theres alway salutions.

But some salutions or advice given dosnt give a person exact instructions
of how to do it....

such as " BE HAPPY"...
well...no honeysuckle sherlock holmes.lol
So how in the fresia dose a person get from being fucvken miserable to being happy exactly??LMAO

---

So how dose a person get from having low self esteeem to have good self esteem???

welll....
1 stop feeling sorry for yourself..
This will stop the fucken cycle or momentum of going down the wrong fresia path

2 stop comparing youself to other people. Becuase when you compair..
you thinking other people are better than you ....Its fucken common sense.lol

3 Stop worrying so god **** much what people think or say about you....
Havent you heard.??? When people talk honeysuckle about you..it means your doing something right. Poeple that talk honeysuckle about you dont have a fucken life.LMAO

A person with good self esteem would know this...maybe beucase they reserched and worked on themselve?

---

So how in the fresia dose a person work on themselves eexactly???
Theres tons of literture on good self esteem...read and educated yourself
and stop playing so god **** much vedio games....

---

---

Your post is typical of that American need to heap blame on anyone who dares to whine.

Got a problem? It's you.

People don't like you? Can't find friends? It's you. No it's not luck, or a crap situation. You're indadequate. Don't bother me with your problems, go work on yourself instead.

It's also a neat way to justify judging by the same old superficial standards, usually to do with income, looks, number of friends someone already has etc.

Caring about what other's think is normal. Wanting attention is normal. Self-pity is a normal reaction. It's the degree that determines whether someone is mentally sick or not, and although she does seem to focus on one person (a "best friend") too much, I don't think you can really tell for sure from the OP.