Perfect example of how society feels about beauty (or lack of)

[Jafo]

That guy can get a woman like that yet I'm still single. No wonder I wanna put a bullet in my head.

 

[ladyforsaken]

of course looks matter, anybody who says different is completely wrong.

Not completely, I'd say. Some people really don't care for this, no matter how much some people would think so.

I think - 'if looks don't matter then why do people spend a fortune trying to improve them ?'

Looks are important to me. I'll admit to that. Of course personality is as important. A beautiful woman who never smiles wouldn't interest me one bit.

I'm just saying that it's not completely wrong for people to say that looks don't matter cos it really doesn't to some of us. It doesn't to me and you or anyone can debate me on it but I know what I know of myself. So even if I'm just one freakin person (and I know I'm not the only one to think this way), we are not completely wrong to say this because we know it ourselves.

Also I did not say that looks don't matter to everyone. Some people take it very seriously, yeah. I suppose those could be in the majority if you keep running into them more than those who don't. I don't know and I really don't care. What I do know is that I'm not exactly bombshell attractive but I've had people tell me they were attracted to me (even though I'd still not believe them cos I just don't see how). So it can happen. For me, for you and for anyone else.

You just can't lump the entire human race with the same judgement based on your many experiences and deem the opposition wrong just cos you haven't seen it for yourself personally... yet. Just saying, I respect your opinion, it just doesn't mean the others who don't think so are completely wrong.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Beauty or even thinness is a flat out advantage in this day and age.

I don't know about that. I think it depends on the guy's individual tastes. I have liked a couple of thin girls, but for the most part, I am drawn to curvy girls. I for one am not really into the Victoria's Secret model types - if anything, I've always thought plus-size models were very attractive. Not obese, but voluptuous. A little extra is not necessarily a bad thing, even in the stomach area - in fact, I think it looks healthier and very feminine.

And how many people get on reddit? Last time I checked not the entire world. I don't think it's a true representation at all. People are mean on the internet.

Yeah, that's another thing. The Internet, and reddit, seem to have a lot of jerks on it. Look at YouTube comments also - they're always full of racial, gender, and homophobic slurs. There's something about it, maybe it's the anonymity, maybe it's just the lowest common denominator. But a lot of these people that hang out a lot on the Internet are very mean.

---

I saw the picture in question, and honestly I think the guy just took a bad photo. It looks like he wasn't even aware that there was a camera pointed in his direction and he wasn't prepared. It was just a bad angle, at worst, a bad hair day. Everyone has at least a few unflattering photos, I know I've had my share. I used to think I was ugly but it was just that I didn't know how to work with what I have to look my best.

 

[LonelySutton]

I don't know about that. I think it depends on the guy's individual tastes.

But we are not talking individual we are talking society. For me, I am not hung up on looks. I think I might actually be bad a perceiving them. But I know only too well how important it is to everyone else...

My new boss is allegedly hot. I don't see it. But at least 95 % of women I meet feel compelled to make a remark.

Walk into any elite professional organization and if you see any fat women... who aren't support staff.. I would be amazed.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

Beauty or even thinness is a flat out advantage in this day and age.

if anything, I've always thought plus-size models were very attractive. Not obese, but voluptuous. A little extra is not necessarily a bad thing, even in the stomach area - in fact, I think it looks healthier and very feminine.

Women are supposed to have curves. Not so much for guys. It's genetically imprinted for men to not mind curves on a woman. Not so much for women seeing a guy with curves.

 

[Triple Bogey]

of course looks matter, anybody who says different is completely wrong.

Not completely, I'd say. Some people really don't care for this, no matter how much some people would think so.

I think - 'if looks don't matter then why do people spend a fortune trying to improve them ?'

Looks are important to me. I'll admit to that. Of course personality is as important. A beautiful woman who never smiles wouldn't interest me one bit.

I'm just saying that it's not completely wrong for people to say that looks don't matter cos it really doesn't to some of us. It doesn't to me and you or anyone can debate me on it but I know what I know of myself. So even if I'm just one freakin person (and I know I'm not the only one to think this way), we are not completely wrong to say this because we know it ourselves.

Also I did not say that looks don't matter to everyone. Some people take it very seriously, yeah. I suppose those could be in the majority if you keep running into them more than those who don't. I don't know and I really don't care. What I do know is that I'm not exactly bombshell attractive but I've had people tell me they were attracted to me (even though I'd still not believe them cos I just don't see how). So it can happen. For me, for you and for anyone else.

You just can't lump the entire human race with the same judgement based on your many experiences and deem the opposition wrong just cos you haven't seen it for yourself personally... yet. Just saying, I respect your opinion, it just doesn't mean the others who don't think so are completely wrong.

I respect your opinion. Life is all about them. Maybe I worded it wrong ?

I'm looking for reasons (why I'm not attractive to women) - I just can't see that I am some arsehole who has no redeeming features personality wise. The attributes I have don't seem to matter at all. It's depressing. I try my best not to think about too much. But it's always there.

 

[Serenia]

Beauty or even thinness is a flat out advantage in this day and age.

if anything, I've always thought plus-size models were very attractive. Not obese, but voluptuous. A little extra is not necessarily a bad thing, even in the stomach area - in fact, I think it looks healthier and very feminine.

Women are supposed to have curves. Not so much for guys. It's genetically imprinted for men to not mind curves on a woman. Not so much for women seeing a guy with curves.

I think curves on a guy are nice. I have dated two really thin guys, and a guy who was carry some extra weight. I really liked the extra curves on him, he was really cuddly.

 

[Aisha]

of course looks matter, anybody who says different is completely wrong.

Not completely, I'd say. Some people really don't care for this, no matter how much some people would think so.

I think - 'if looks don't matter then why do people spend a fortune trying to improve them ?'
Looks are important to me. I'll admit to that. Of course personality is as important. A beautiful woman who never smiles wouldn't interest me one bit.

Also I did not say that looks don't matter to everyone. Some people take it very seriously, yeah. I suppose those could be in the majority if you keep running into them more than those who don't.

I understand what you meant about there being the rare person to whom it meant nothing LadyF, but the sad truth is looks do play a part for the vast majority. Not just some people. They are what people first notice, they are what will immediately attract someone, whether in a positive or a negative way. It's not just some people for whom they play a role. Initial judgement is based on looks. Society has always revolved around appearance. Just look about you and throughout history and everything from art to journalism to mythology to business and industries like cosmetics and fashion and plastic surgery will show that. Why do people care about weight loss and dieting and exercise? It's not just health that concerns most people when they set goals like that. And scientific studies continually being carried out on attraction and attractiveness will prove that. Illnesses like body dysmorphia and anorexia and bulimia are very real, and revolve around body image.
When you say looks don't matter to the majority, it's sort of like saying the emperor is definitely wearing clothes, when he clearly is not. Or like someone who says ' I don't see colour' when talking about race. Even colourblind people see colour. Choosing not to judge is a choice, albeit an easy one. What I mean is, you'd have to be in denial to say people's appearances don't affect others at least to some degree. And not just someone's physical features, but appearance as a whole. I've experienced racism and islamophobia. Why? Appearance. Snap judgements. There are many who have experienced sexual harassment. Again, snap judgements, a lot of the time based on clothing, make up or just looks. Or just because they have the noticeable secondary sexual characteristics of a female human. There are others who experience homophobia because they 'look gay'. People discriminate against those with obvious disabilities and disfigurements all the time. Why is hair loss such a problem for alopecia and cancer patients? Appearance matters. It's part of who you are. There are many, many more examples. Looks play a huge role when it comes to what others think of you and what you think of yourself, regardless of what anyone says. It happens all the time. It doesn't make it right. People will judge, and it's naive to believe they will wait to talk to you before they do so. If looks didn't matter, the world would be a far better place than it is.
I will concede however, that once you're in a relationship, it matters not at all. It's who they are, not what they look like that matters with attraction as with everything in the end. But you have to go through first impressions to get there. You're one of the very lucky few if that isn't something you notice or that affects you at all in anyway.

 

[ladyforsaken]

of course looks matter, anybody who says different is completely wrong.

Not completely, I'd say. Some people really don't care for this, no matter how much some people would think so.

I think - 'if looks don't matter then why do people spend a fortune trying to improve them ?'
Looks are important to me. I'll admit to that. Of course personality is as important. A beautiful woman who never smiles wouldn't interest me one bit.

Also I did not say that looks don't matter to everyone. Some people take it very seriously, yeah. I suppose those could be in the majority if you keep running into them more than those who don't.

I understand what you meant about there being the rare person to whom it meant nothing LadyF, but the sad truth is looks do play a part for the vast majority. Not just some people. They are what people first notice, they are what will immediately attract someone, whether in a positive or a negative way. It's not just some people for whom they play a role. Initial judgement is based on looks. Society has always revolved around appearance. Just look about you and throughout history and everything from art to journalism to mythology to business and industries like cosmetics and fashion and plastic surgery will show that. Why do people care about weight loss and dieting and exercise? It's not just health that concerns most people when they set goals like that. And scientific studies continually being carried out on attraction and attractiveness will prove that. Illnesses like body dysmorphia and anorexia and bulimia are very real, and revolve around body image.
When you say looks don't matter to the majority, it's sort of like saying the emperor is definitely wearing clothes, when he clearly is not. Or like someone who says ' I don't see colour' when talking about race. Even colourblind people see colour. Choosing not to judge is a choice, albeit an easy one. What I mean is, you'd have to be in denial to say people's appearances don't affect others at least to some degree. And not just someone's physical features, but appearance as a whole. I've experienced racism and islamophobia. Why? Appearance. Snap judgements. There are many who have experienced sexual harassment. Again, snap judgements, a lot of the time based on clothing, make up or just looks. Or just because they have the noticeable secondary sexual characteristics of a female human. There are others who experience homophobia because they 'look gay'. People discriminate against those with obvious disabilities and disfigurements all the time. Why is hair loss such a problem for alopecia and cancer patients? Appearance matters. It's part of who you are. There are many, many more examples. Looks play a huge role when it comes to what others think of you and what you think of yourself, regardless of what anyone says. It happens all the time. It doesn't make it right. People will judge, and it's naive to believe they will wait to talk to you before they do so. If looks didn't matter, the world would be a far better place than it is.
I will concede however, that once you're in a relationship, it matters not at all. It's who they are, not what they look like that matters with attraction as with everything in the end. But you have to go through first impressions to get there. You're one of the very lucky few if that isn't something you notice or that affects you at all in anyway.

I understand completely what you're saying and yes, that's what I meant, that perhaps looks do matter for the majority of people for it to be such a common problem. And that is sad. I'm just saying, it's not entirely applicable to the entire human race, which I thought was what TB meant when he said it'd be completely wrong for anyone to think that looks don't matter.

Yes, appearance matters to us. My appearance matters to me, I have issues with myself. But I don't find issue with people and how they look. There is a distinction for how some people see it. Some don't have that distinction.. perhaps majority of people. It just doesn't mean its a lost cause. That's all I'm saying.

of course looks matter, anybody who says different is completely wrong.

Not completely, I'd say. Some people really don't care for this, no matter how much some people would think so.

I think - 'if looks don't matter then why do people spend a fortune trying to improve them ?'

Looks are important to me. I'll admit to that. Of course personality is as important. A beautiful woman who never smiles wouldn't interest me one bit.

I'm just saying that it's not completely wrong for people to say that looks don't matter cos it really doesn't to some of us. It doesn't to me and you or anyone can debate me on it but I know what I know of myself. So even if I'm just one freakin person (and I know I'm not the only one to think this way), we are not completely wrong to say this because we know it ourselves.

Also I did not say that looks don't matter to everyone. Some people take it very seriously, yeah. I suppose those could be in the majority if you keep running into them more than those who don't. I don't know and I really don't care. What I do know is that I'm not exactly bombshell attractive but I've had people tell me they were attracted to me (even though I'd still not believe them cos I just don't see how). So it can happen. For me, for you and for anyone else.

You just can't lump the entire human race with the same judgement based on your many experiences and deem the opposition wrong just cos you haven't seen it for yourself personally... yet. Just saying, I respect your opinion, it just doesn't mean the others who don't think so are completely wrong.

I respect your opinion. Life is all about them. Maybe I worded it wrong ?

I'm looking for reasons (why I'm not attractive to women) - I just can't see that I am some arsehole who has no redeeming features personality wise. The attributes I have don't seem to matter at all. It's depressing. I try my best not to think about too much. But it's always there.

I'm sure you have good qualities within yourself, TB. We tend to overly critical of ourselves most of the time. Sometimes you just have to trust and believe that you've got some good qualities that women will see, and then they will see it. I think when someone is negative towards themselves or the situation they're in, they give out negative vibes and people don't exactly get attracted to that. I'm not saying you do this, I'm just saying this is what I often see for myself. You become more approachable, when you're less harsh and negative on yourself.. that's what I find.

I do wish you luck in finding someone suitable. It's never too late, I don't think.

 

[BeyondShy]

I don't believe one word of what you said ladyforsaken. I live in the real world where the only thing that matters is what you look like and how much money is in your bank account. Maybe I am saying this because I'm sitting here getting ready for another Saturday evening alone. I hate to say it and I am sure I will get blasted for it but I think at times women enjoy rejecting you just to see the look of defeat and embarrassment in your eyes.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I don't believe one word of what you said ladyforsaken. I live in the real world where the only thing that matters is what you look like and how much money is in your bank account. Maybe I am saying this because I'm sitting here getting ready for another Saturday evening alone. I hate to say it and I am sure I will get blasted for it but I think at times women enjoy rejecting you just to see the look of defeat and embarrassment in your eyes.

So, if you live in the real world, I guess I live in a fake world then. ****, my life is so depressing if everything I know for myself is a lie.

For the record, I'm a woman, and I don't enjoy rejecting people just to see the look of defeat and embarrassment in anyone's eyes, ever. That's my truth. But hey, maybe even knowing or believing that is a lie to myself.

I've said my piece and I spoke from experience. Take it or lave it. I'm done. Good luck, to everyone here.

 

[BeyondShy]

So, if you live in the real world, I guess I live in a fake world then. ****, my life is so depressing if everything I know for myself is a lie.

I am just trying to look at this realistically.

For the record, I'm a woman, and I don't enjoy rejecting people just to see the look of defeat and embarrassment in anyone's eyes, ever. That's my truth. But hey, maybe even knowing or believing that is a lie to myself.

I'm glad you don't. In fact I don't believe you are the kind of person that would be like that anyway.

 

[Batman55]

Women are supposed to have curves. Not so much for guys. It's genetically imprinted for men to not mind curves on a woman. Not so much for women seeing a guy with curves.

Tell that to my round and heavy male friend who couldn't be taller than 5'7", wears glasses usually, lost all his hair. He just walked into a bar a couple weeks ago, a woman sat next to him, they talked and then went home together.

And by the way he's not even close to "high status," he's not an extrovert, or anything like that. If he can do it, you can too.

I'll temper this by saying this was an extremely rare occurrence for him.. but the fact is he has made improvements in the way he presents himself, which only now seem to be translating into results. (It took him a long time to reach this point.)

 

[Solivagant]

I live in the real world where the only thing that matters is what you look like and how much money is in your bank account.

So the only thing that matters to you is what someone looks like and how much money they have?

 

[BeyondShy]

Tell that to my round and heavy male friend who couldn't be taller than 5'7", wears glasses usually, lost all his hair. He just walked into a bar a couple weeks ago, a woman sat next to him, they talked and then went home together.

And by the way he's not even close to "high status," he's not an extrovert, or anything like that. If he can do it, you can too.

That's good for him!

I'll temper this by saying this was an extremely rare occurrence for him.. but the fact is he has made improvements in the way he presents himself, which only now seem to be translating into results. (It took him a long time to reach this point.)

Which brings up the question, what kind of improvements did he make?

 

[VanillaCreme]

of course looks matter, anybody who says different is completely wrong.

Not completely, I'd say. Some people really don't care for this, no matter how much some people would think so.

I agree, Lady. I don't care about looks either. Not one bit.

I don't believe one word of what you said ladyforsaken. I live in the real world where the only thing that matters is what you look like and how much money is in your bank account. Maybe I am saying this because I'm sitting here getting ready for another Saturday evening alone. I hate to say it and I am sure I will get blasted for it but I think at times women enjoy rejecting you just to see the look of defeat and embarrassment in your eyes.

You don't have to believe in her, but stop being rude. You can sit and wallow in your shallow world all you want. She's giving her opinion and advice to maybe give some hope to the people who may not have any; Not for you to tear down the fact that there are people who don't care about looks, and just because you're not one of them, that doesn't mean they don't exist. With how you talk here, I can see why you're alone for another Saturday evening. You want to be hateful, fine, but don't bash other people for not falling into the bag of rocks you put everyone into.

Follow your own advice.

Please don't assume anything about me.

 

[Xpendable]

Hearing about anecdotal evidence always makes me shake my head. Just because some short, bald guy got a relationship somewhere in some moment doesn't change the biological roots on how we perceive attractiveness as a species.

 

[Aisha]

I understand completely what you're saying and yes, that's what I meant, that perhaps looks do matter for the majority of people for it to be such a common problem. And that is sad. I'm just saying, it's not entirely applicable to the entire human race, which I thought was what TB meant when he said it'd be completely wrong for anyone to think that looks don't matter.

Yes, appearance matters to us. My appearance matters to me, I have issues with myself. But I don't find issue with people and how they look. There is a distinction for how some people see it. Some don't have that distinction.. perhaps majority of people. It just doesn't mean its a lost cause. That's all I'm saying.

Ah, gotcha. I think I got too caught up and mistook you saying you don't care about another's looks as being you don't notice looks, so forgive my scepticism in writing that. Obviously anyone not visually impaired will notice. What you said about not finding issue with how someone looks is a judgement choice some people choose not to make, perhaps out of ingrained stigma, lack of an open mind and maybe even just laziness. I get what you meant now. Sorry, lack of sleep must have addled my brains. Of course there are plenty of people, including myself, who see someone's looks and choose to look beyond them and don't act negatively or positively towards others just depending on them. That kind of prejudice has no place in the hearts of people who care. That's basic human compassion, which is something you have by the monster truckload You're quite right in saying that's something the majority of people do. Remaining open minded that is, even when and if they do notice appearances. At least I hope so. Most people generally seem to be quite nice.

 

[TheRealCallie]

So, if you live in the real world, I guess I live in a fake world then. ****, my life is so depressing if everything I know for myself is a lie.

I am just trying to look at this realistically.

Just because you think you are looking at it realistically doesn't mean that you are. What's true for you is not true for everyone else. Aside from that, if you perspective is skewed to your own way of negative thinking, it will alter what is genuinely real and what you want to believe is real.

 

[Nicolelt]

That guy can get a woman like that yet I'm still single. No wonder I wanna put a bullet in my head.

And what exactly is wrong with that guy?