Physical Disability and loneliness

[A new life]

SophiaGrace and all that have posted about their disabilities,

My post may make you angry, because you may feel my problems aren't as bad as yours. I don't even know if I should be posting this, but I feel like I have to get it out since my only outlet is the computer too.

I, also have a disability, but it is a "mental illness." I have depression, panic attacks, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which drives my family (no pun on words!) nuts, and Borderline Personality Disorder, which is basically, a "cutter", but I haven't done that for a while.

I also have epilepsy. I take so many medications, it is hard to keep track of them.

A big problem is that I don't LOOK disabled. I haven't been able to work since 7/85, and people think I am "milking disability."

Since my husband (who since died) and I split up seven years ago, I haven't been able to afford my own place so I have been living in my Sister's Family's house. I have no friends, because I am too far to walk to anywhere or to public transportation and I don't drive.

I joined a singles' site to date men, and dated some. As soon as they found out that I had this disability and the limited income of disability checks, they didn't want anything to do with me.

I am 53, and trying to accept that I may not ever make any friends and will most likely never be in a relationship again.

I WAKE UP EVERYDAY, HOWEVER, AND COUNT MY BLESSINGS, AS I AM SURE MANY OF YOU DO TOO! I, am one of the people that doesn't like people to feel sorry for me, and it angers me that everyone my Mother talks to she says that I am still really sick! No one has to know that!

Well, one way or another, I thank you for reading my post!

Yeah you're right.
For people to take your disability seriously
it would help to "look the part"

We tend to be less understanding when the problem can't be seen at first glance.

 

[WishingWell]

Thank you, a new life!

This seems ridiculous, but when I first got sick, I used to wish I had some kind of visible tumor on my head so that people would realize I was sick.

 

[lonely_visionary]

I'd love to date someone with a disability - I think they'd be more likely to understand being different. But how do you go about it?

 

[WishingWell]

Lonely_visionary,

I hope you read this. I am not physically disabled. I am disabled because of "mental" problems--depression, anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. You are right...people that don't have these problems don't know what it is like, and it would be better for me to date a man with issues like mine.

As far as going about it, just the other day, someone suggested to me that I do a Google Search on dating sites for people with disabilities. You can try that. I haven't done it yet, but I think it is a good idea.

If you do, I wish you the very best!

 

[lonely_visionary]

I joined a singles' site to date men, and dated some. As soon as they found out that I had this disability and the limited income of disability checks, they didn't want anything to do with me.

That is so sad. The marriage ceremony used to say "for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health" but the modern dating contract seems to be "for richer and in health only."

I have depression, panic attacks, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which drives my family (no pun on words!) nuts, and Borderline Personality Disorder, which is basically, a "cutter", but I haven't done that for a while. I also have epilepsy. I take so many medications, it is hard to keep track of them.

I don't know how serious your difficulties are, but for me they sound like a small price to pay if there is genuine love. As far as relationships go, being unloved is far worse.

someone suggested to me that I do a Google Search on dating sites for people with disabilities. You can try that. I haven't done it yet, but I think it is a good idea. If you do, I wish you the very best!

Thanks. I found one yesterday, but it seemed designed only for people with disabilities. I'll have to keep looking.

 

[WishingWell]

lonely_visionary,

I am trying to understand. You don't have a disability and want to date someone with a disability? If so, by going on the Site for people with Disabilities, you can meet someone--just be upfront in your profile, and say just that. I believe someone with a disability would love to date somone that isn't disabled but is willing to put forth the effort to understand their problems.

And, thank you for your kind words in response to my posts!

Best wishes to you!

 

[Chris516]

I have a (congenital) brain aneurysm, (congenital) hydrocephalus, and epilepsy.

I was married for eight years to a woman that was in denial. Not just about being severely overweight. She n' her parents' were in denial, not just about her developmental disabilities. But also, what she did during our marriage. She left me at 4.75yrs. into our marriage. But when I told her I was just going to file for divorce right away. Instead of dragging things out. She begged me not to. A year later, she told me that she had wished all my health problems "would just go away". It was then, that I decided to wait not much longer. The day of the divorce, my mother, step-mother, and my (ex)wife's mother were there. Following the divorce proceedings, my (ex)wife ran around crying n' hugging everyone. The only thing that lessened the embarrassment. Was finally being divorced from her.

I was in a four-year relationship with a woman who has hydrocephalus, epilepsy, bipolar disorder, PTSD, learning disabilities, and panic disorder. She supposedly accepted my health issues. Until she started 'diagnosing' me.

I guess no woman will genuinely accept me, and I will die alone.

 

[Lowlander]

I myself have a physical disability. And I find it extremely difficult to find someone who'd date with me. I'm also a bit apprehensive of trying out online dating, but nevertheless I'd be open for advice. Since I'll be away for 3 weeks, if anyone wanted to talk about this or have any questions or anything, just send me a PM and I'll reply when I can.

 

[Peaches]

Good that you revived this thread, it's interesting.
i know i don't have it half as bad as some of the previous posters, but still my issues affect relationships 100% and it would be so great to find some advice.
For 11 years now I suffer from an invisible illness (neurological) that left me for 5 mostly paralyzed and now with strong time constraints.I cannot walk more than 2 miles, cannot spend more than a few hours chatting, cannot spend a full day with someone cause I need to do my rest and relaxation in between, often I am sick and I have to cancel on people or on work. Strict diet constraints make me a boring dinner companion and I hardly drink alcohol. I need a quiet life with zero drama and lots of support. On top of that, since my twenties I have a back condition that doesnt allow me to sleep on many mattresses, so for many years now I had to bring my own or avoid traveling (one boyfriend didn t find that sexy at all, and I understand). Also, I guess you can say that I have moments of depression that are not completely normal, and for years I suffered from anxiety, panic attacks etc, although now I got rid of them completely, but that affected my relations at the time. I haven't found any man who would be willing to overlook my limitations, and the worst I think it's that in spite of what I say all the time (I am worthy, i do everything in spite of my limitations, etc) I feel very ashamed and I feel that no one will ever want me. On thr other hand I just don't have time for a relationship, being so busy with trying to get better, (for example, I exercise for one hour to sustain muscle mass and then I have to rest for three, I try new remedies and I am sick for days, etc) unless I give up the little part time work that I do and that I enjoy. My online dating adventures are all completely theoretical because conversation never reaches the point where I would be willing to tell them, and if that happened I have no idea about how I could tell them.