This is the totally wrong forum to ask this kind of thing. But I will try.
I think there is a paradox here:
1) The people who are self confident, talkative and who have good social skills are often manipulative of those around them and unthinking. For them since they tend to talk so much, they spend alot less time thinking, which is not necessarily always bad. They get themselves out alot and meet a lot of possible mates which is good, however I doubt they have the sense of contemplation to pick a good life partner out of their many possible mates. They are good at doing, being on autopilot, but often weak at serious reflection. Even the pickup community readily admits that women who are more attractive, a 10, tend to have less developed personalities, since they never needed this development. Guys will accept any garbage and bad habits that comes with their body, so why would most of them need a developed personality! They know this, that is why such women often give "honeysuckle tests" to make men jump through hoops for them. Yet most highly sociable men would prefer such women over say a librarian.
2) Lonely people, like those on this forum often live inside their own heads, where they tend to construct whole worlds and fanciful artifices in their isolation. A good case in point is the unrealistic replies in this thread. The forumers replying seem caught up in the fake notion of romantic love peculiar to our society and believe that this metaphysical notion is inherently real. Thus to them players and pickup artists are cheaters against an ideal that does not exist. It is better to just ignore this concept totally, since it is hokum. What you need to do is get out, circulate like the players and Pickup artists you decry, but with the goal of finding hopefully a good life partner. Someone who can elevate your being, who you can stand living together with, and can stick with for years. In other words forget the fake metaphysical ideal of love you get from pop-culture and be more realistic.
If the type of people on this forum had that kind of healthy attitude they would not decry the Pickup insights so much.
There is even a thread on the "Success" section about someone who left off active posting here for a mere six months and now is planning an engagement. If you examine that thread post you will see they never even said that the relationship was 6 months(just their absence from here) so it is probably shorter, they never lived together, she never met his family yet, they decided to move apart from each other, etc. Instead of seeing all the obvious red flags, everyone posting on that thread(till I came) thought it was a "success story" and gave encouraging feedback! But to me it sounds alot like another isolated person more scared to be alone and taking whatever is front of them now into a hasty long-term commitment. If you don't put yourself out there enough and just take whatever is there, chances are you will be stuck unhappily together in a relationship and still lonely suffering the illusion of company with someone you cannot mesh with.
The key is to take the good aspects that being lonely gives in you self-reflection without the delusions that come from living too long in isolation where you build delusions in your head to cope. The existence of romantic love seems one of them, but romantic love is something to specific to post-bourgeois society, an artifice of the Victorian romance novel among other things.
) I work with a twenty-five year old guy who's a good person. He's a player and proud of it. I've seen him in action, and it looks so childish to me. So phony. But it works. He exudes tons of confidence, but the words and tone make me think, "You gotta be kidding!?"
