I`ll sum up my understanding of the situation as blunt and simple as possible:
1. you`re both marked by previous experiences and the difference of age has its say in the way each of you understood/filtered/closed past chapters.
2. it seems to me his refuge is music, would like to be "heard" in this way of expressing also emotions besides his musical professional skills, that`s why he doesn`t expect the same from you when playing. That`s ok (his not so good communication skill let aside).
3. a cliché- expectation is the root of all headaches- but his behaviour transmits to me rather confusion than a clear vision of what he wants...and
4. getting to know one another better implies personal discussions, on private, personal, sometimes intimate and painful topics. It`s necessary, cannot be avoided if both parties involved are really interested.
5. no offence meant, but to me, he seems rather immature. you`re not his mother and his not opening up to you, nor being interested in what you think/feel, signals an issue he`ll have to deal with, if he ever wants a beautiful happy relationship (it`s not "destiny's" job). From what I`ve seen, among this type of people, unveils later a selfish egocentric and emotional vampire nature.
6. Why did you like him in the first place and what made you consider a romantic development? Why the thoughts about the "why`s and how`s" of his attitude? Be fair with yourself and look within (they say, who looks inside, awakens...and I`m sure you already knew that). Also, very important, value yourself. Whatever problems or illness one may have, they don`t define the person, even less substitute him/her to the point of identification.
7. 3-4 dates are a reasonable number for getting to more personal discussions. That means, straightforward (within reasonable limits) questions and answers from both parts (including about his past relationship). You tried, he didn`t. Regardless the explanations or possible excuses, if he is still interested, and it doesn't matter if in mere friendship or a relationship, he`ll have to make a move and act. You are a woman, could be a valuable friend or partner, but don`t fall into the trap of being a mother, an umbrella, a refuge, for an insecure person who is not healed yet and doesn`t face his problems. You have your own problems after all, too, and you have the maturity and responsibility in trying to understand and solve them.
8. I wouldn`t suggest to avoid him. That would leave unanswered questions, as proven by creating the thread. An open discussion with all the cards on the table should clarify everything, good or bad. Then you can move on with a plus you`ve done for yourself, self image and dignity. This also applies to him.
Life is too short to indulge in self-illusions, self-lying and self-sabotage. Human beings are precious and valuable. Open your eyes and accept it. You deserve to be happy and you will (for that you have to get rid of the mental pattern: I only attract bad guys).
Oh, cats and men can coexist.
Why not have them both?
This resulted in a long reply, sorry. I also know that I may not have said anything new to you, if critics arise, it`s ok, on the condition of a civilized respectful form.
