Please remember me happily by the rose bush laughing

[lbstanley70]

This will be a semi long post. First off, I really like music. I can't play a lick of it, but I have to have music on as much as possible. I am one of those people who thinks, if my life was a movie, this is the song I want played at this point or that point. I used to have a song list called night, and it was songs I listened to when I went to bed that reminded me of my ex. Obviously I don't listen to it anymore, but if one were to check my ipod, you would see dates and adjectives as my song titles. The dates are dates that carry significant events and the music on those lists convey the same feelings as I felt on those dates. The last song list I added was Oct. 15 which was the last time I talked to her. You can do the math.
Secondly, I used to talk to her every night before I went to bed and afterwards I would say a prayer and thank God for allowing her into my life. I couldn't sleep unless I told her good night even if she didn't text me back. Every morning I would get up and email her and wish her a happy day. She was the first and last thing I thought about every day and for three years she was the person I called or texted or emailed when I had something to complain or brag about. She was the best friend I had ever had. She was the first person to whom I could just listen to without complaining because I was so completely smitten with her.
And now she is gone.
And that is why I struggle with this so much because I talked to her so much for three years and now I don't have anyone to confide in, no one else to share my successes or to comfort my failures. I could turn to other friends and I am sure in time I will, but for now, my only solace is this website and I appreciate all the positive comments, but truthfully, I miss the words of a young woman who brought so much magic to my life and made me feel so alive.
So instead of telling my ex girlfriend about my day, you folks are my muse, the source of my writing. I have kept a journal for 25 years and I have only made one entry since she parted ways with me and I don't have the stomach to put to words how I really feel, but at least I can share my thoughts and musings on this site and know that at least someone sorta cares. And truthfully though that sounds terribly negative, it is comforting to know someone somewhere might be thinking about you, even if it is only because you are whining on a website. I guess that is better than no one thinking about you so I will take what the Good Lord gives me and hope for a better tomorrow.
Whew, that was more than semi long but I had a lot to say. I am OK today, no tidal wave of sadness has hit me yet, but I know one lurks around the corner, and as I type this, the song "The Trapeze Singer" comes on Pandora, the song I danced with her the last time I saw her and yes, sweet irony, the most bittersweet of all emotions, comes to me again. Ah, yes, How I love you irony and all of your jagged edges, you cut me and remind that living is so painful, but at least I am alive.

It is a long and beautiful song and obviously has a very strong emotional connection for me.

 

[Kat]

After three years of being so into someone and then suddenly they are completely absent from your life.... of course it's a huge adjustment. It will take some time. You will cycle through this grief many times because if you're that involved with a person, little things are bound to trigger memories for you. It hasn't been very long since this all occurred. For whatever the reasons they were, this relationship failed. I told you before that I think this girl was filling an emotional void for you. Create new memories. Accept this loss and keep moving forward.