Poetry

[halfemptyheart26]

Hey. It's been quite some time since I've posted in this forum, but I've found a good reason.

I met my fiancee here almost 2 years ago now, and it was in part to the writings we shared here. Now, I am coming back because I have taken to writing again, and I want to get some feedback about some poetry. I've never really shared my poetry with friends in RL, but here I feel like there is an audience that could be empathetic, and many of which who may understand where the darkness/melancholy of my writing comes from. This is 'a lonely life' after all.

I'll post an older poem that I've written to start; let me know your honest feedback!

Change the Song
Change the song
I don’t want to sing to this tune anymore
remove from me the memory
of the melodies that haunt my dreams
How they remind me of the times
when better days turned dark and lonely
the moments it took
to become dirtied and broken and poor
Give me a new brand of music
one with color and boldness
I want to be pursued by it
having the sounds hunt me down and
force me into peace
bestow upon me a guardian aria
that chases out my history
and cleanses me cleaner than new
a song to sing alone
one that I can never tire of
plunging deeper into my heart with every note
change the song, and make it beautiful

 

[MissGuided]

Aw, those are some beautiful words, HH, and they speak volumes to me. How wonderful it would be to just 'change the song' as easily as we flip the stations on the radio.

Thanks for sharing and congrats! Keep 'em coming.

 

[halfemptyheart26]

thanks MissGuided! Is there any critique you could offer? Always trying to be better!

 

[MissGuided]

I have nothing to say that could make that any better. I think it's lovely exactly the way it is. The words flow, there is rhythm, and it really says a lot in a small block of text.

 

[Callie]

Nice, Half.

And it's good to see you posting again. I hope things are well with you and Spare

 

[halfemptyheart26]

Nice, Half.

And it's good to see you posting again. I hope things are well with you and Spare

thanks callie!

spare and I are doing great. he's starting at the university in a week or two! I just need a job now in the new town!