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Climbergirl

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I'm 28, and I had a perfect life. I was in school at the fire academy, a part time paramedic and also doing some daycare. I have 2 kids that are 6 and 8 and was happily engaged to the man of my dreams. (not my kids dad) My fiance had promised me to take care of my finances while I was in school and to quit my jobs and just finish school and have less stress etc. Then a week after we were engaged, I found out I was pregnant. So I had to quit school, put the wedding and my dream of being a firefighter this year, on hold. I was devastated. I avoided getting pregnant like the plague, but do not believe in abortions, and I was disappointed in myself and felt like a failure. The 3rd accident child in my life.
My fiance was happy, but I warned him that I will be miserable and also be VERY sick. With both my pregnancies I had hyperemesis which is EXTREME pregnancy nausea and vomiting. Which turns into depression, suicidal thoughts and an overall general negative outlook on my life. The day we found out, he said he'd be there for me no matter what, He wouldn't take anything I said to heart and he would support me etc etc. Well, that lasted about 5 days until I started getting sick, and it wasn't that bad at first, but gradually got worse. I became grumpy, and miserable, lashed out at him. And didnt want him around me while I was sick and depressed. So he said he'd give me space, and I didn't want him to leave, I just didn't want him in the ROOM while i was always sick. So he ended up going out almost every night staying out until 1,2,3,4,5 am in the morning, getting wasted, smoking cigars, hanging out with MY friends, talking behind my back about how grumpy I am and meanwhile I was at home barfing my guts out, crying, wanting to die, I also have other health problems, and couldnt take my pills because I'd puke them up. So all of ME was deteriorating. One day I told him I was getting a friend to take me to the hospital for IV therapy and he asked if he could come, but i knew he had plans that night. So i said no, I'll let you know how it goes. Then he didnt answer his phone or texts or email all night. Came home at 5:30 am and was WASTED! and I wanted him to watch my kids in the morning, so I could go to the hospital( I hadnt gone the night before) And i had texted and called him to tell him that I was going in the morning instead, but no response. So i drove myself to the hospital, and it was just another day in my life. This cycle has continued for the last 8 weeks. I started counselling the day I found out I was pregnant and have gone every week. I finally convinced him to go, but by that time it was only a week and half ago, and it had been 7 weeks of hell for me, and my 2 kids, and my health etc. He hasnt helped me with any money, and he makes 300 K per year. and wont give me a dime. I've been bed ridden and on bed rest for that amount of time. I've been out with a friend or family member 3 times in that 7 weeks, and I've done nothing to cause any of his actions or behaviour. He got so mad the only time I stayed at a girl friends house and didnt tell him where I was going. He dwells on that one time and says thats why hes been out all those nights and wasn't there to support me. Even though that night Was only 2 Fridays ago. He uses me as an excuse for his behaviour. I started to feel better recently, so I came to visit a friend that is a ferry ride away. And I brought my kids with me. HE emailed me to tell me that he wasnt coming home from work this past friday, and that he was staying at his druggie friends house for the weekend. Which is where he has been lots lately. ( avoiding me) and then he emailed me sunday night saying " Actually I'm gonna stay here all week"
I replied" ok, thats fine, I'm actually staying with a friend right now for the week, so we'll see you when we get back". So I didnt check my emails for 2 days after that because im on vacation, and I've been so TRAPPED in my house, Broke, pregnant, nauseaus and depressed that I wanted a break! So I checked my emails 2 days later and theres another one " I thought it was best that I moved out"
WHILE I'm on vacation with my kids, he MOVED OUT!!!!!!!! So, he's not only abandoned me the last 2 months, hasn't given me any money in 3 months to pay my 2400$/month bills. Now hes left me and my kids homeless, while pregnant, and broke. and I have 8 days to find a place and move out of a 5 bedroom house. Which is a LOT of stuff.
 
That's horrible.

I don't even know where to begin.

I'm not experienced with those kind of situations but may I suggest you try contacting city/ government/ social assistance and emergency funding programs? I'm sure there has to be something out there to help you with the financial aspect at least...:(
 
Climbergirl, I'm very sorry to hear about your struggles.

Some suggestions:
1) I would agree with stars, that there are very likely government funding programs in your area that can assist you with the financial aspects of your life.
2) If you are religious, you may also find some help at your church, or other congregation. It is often that they assist people that are in dire need, such as yourself.
3) Do you have any family that can help you? I would call them, and cash in all your favors for some help from them.
4) Do you have any other sources of funds? Any insurance policies, investments, or savings that you can cash in? It's possible that you could unlock some cash from these, with only a phone-call or two.
5) There may also be low-interest loans from 'community-friendly' financial institutions in your area, depending on your credit and equity (object wealth).
6) Definitely check out the food banks and other 'charity' types of operations in your area. They might be able to take the strain off a bit.

I truly, truly hope that your pregnancy becomes less painful for you, and that you are able to find the help you need.

If there is anything we on ALL can do, please let us know.
 
I'm sorry Climber. Do you have any family or close friends that can help you out? I feel that AP and Stars give good advice.

My thoughts are with you, stay strong girl! :)
 
I'm sorry, Climbergirl. That doesn't sound at all like the situation anyone would want to find themselves in. I'm not pregnant, but I am a single mother, so I know a bit of what you're going through. If you'd like to talk or even just vent, feel free to PM me.


Astral_Punisher said:
Some suggestions:
1) I would agree with stars, that there are very likely government funding programs in your area that can assist you with the financial aspects of your life.
2) If you are religious, you may also find some help at your church, or other congregation. It is often that they assist people that are in dire need, such as yourself.
3) Do you have any family that can help you? I would call them, and cash in all your favors for some help from them.
4) Do you have any other sources of funds? Any insurance policies, investments, or savings that you can cash in? It's possible that you could unlock some cash from these, with only a phone-call or two.
5) There may also be low-interest loans from 'community-friendly' financial institutions in your area, depending on your credit and equity (object wealth).
6) Definitely check out the food banks and other 'charity' types of operations in your area. They might be able to take the strain off a bit.

These are all good options. Check into single mother benefits, there are quite a few of them out there. They could very likely help you with your school costs.
On Astral's second suggestions, I want to add that you don't have to be religious to get help from churches, most of them will help anyone that is in need.
And as for him not giving you any financial help. You will most likely need to get a paternity test, but you can take his ass to court for child support. Are you getting any help with your other 2?

Oh and welcome to ALL :)
 
I'm so sorry that all this has happened to you :( I hope things get better.

His behavior seems totally immoral. Hopefully your friends can help out with things like moving and finding a place?
 
That's a horrible situation for sure.. and how he changed his attitude about things just makes it even worse. People shouldn't make promises or say things they can't keep. It's either yes or no. I understand how the stress must have been horrible for both of you but I don't think that's a good excuse to just abandon you like that. Just be happy you didn't marry him because if it's this way now, think of what it will be like then. I hope that wasn't insensitive but it is just a warning.

Pregnancy can be very rough for some... and hyperemesis is terrible. You are a fighter! I hope that it is not during your whole pregnancy. I can't even imagine that. It takes a great deal of strength to get through that! I hope you feel better very soon if you haven't already. And I hope that you will get the support and money assistance that you need. hugs.
 
Thanks Everyone! His behaviour is a shock to me. He was nothing like this before. (definitely immoral)
HE said since I was depressed and didnt want the baby, that he would take it full time and go on mat leave for a year and keep the baby. With his dads help... LOL ya right, like that's gonna happen. He can fight me for this baby. It will be attached to my breast for the first year.
I have a truck that I've missed 2 payments on, and It should soon be taken away. I'm away from my city right now, but when I get back, I'll have to change the name on it, or trade it in to the car dealership and then I can apply for some social assistance. They wont help me, because my truck is considered an asset. But it takes about a month to apply and actually get any assistance from them anyways, so in the meantime i'm stuck. The rest of my family is poor, and If I could promise to pay them back, they could lend me a little money, but I can't promise them something I can't keep. I'll be struggling for the next couple of years AT LEAST! MY license has run out to work as a medic, and I already have a loan I need to pay off for the fire academy that I couldn't finish. They wont refund your money for accidental pregnancies. I cant find a place that I can afford that would be big enough for daycare, but I'm still looking. Even if I can babysit one child, would help. It' so hard going from a big house, with everything, to absolutely nothing. Lesson learned, dont EVER depend on anyone but yourself. Biggest mistake I've ever made in my life.
 

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