Pretended to be somebody I'm not at the bar on Halloween night...

[Luna]

One of the most common pieces of advice that I have always been given, is to "be yourself".
That it is for our own best interests, so that the people that want come into our lives, like us for who we actually are.
However, *being myself* has led to others around my age group, thinking that I am either too serious/ uptight/ no fun etc.
The social isolation, the lack of friendships, have left me feeling...abnormal.

Having fun for much of today's young adults means:
-Going to bars all the time
-Getting wasted
-Getting high/ doing drugs
-Partying/ clubbing
...and etc.

Growing up in a family-oriented environment with traditional values has led me to feel as if I am caught between two worlds. The world in which I was raised in, and the world in which I am at present.

I have been to bars before, but I do not enjoy them.
Meat markets is what they are.
What is holding me back?
Why can't I be like my peers, and "let loose" with the alcohol and dancing?
The partying and wild nights?

For the longest time, I felt that "It's them, not me"...that is the problem.
But recently, I questioned myself - perhaps it is the other way around.

I went out to the bar on Halloween night, to "have fun" along with some acquaintances from work.
The music blasting throughout, the drinks, the dancing and partying.
I joined in...I smiled, I laughed, danced...I tried to be like them...just to "have fun" as they all were.
But there was a part of me that felt uncomfortable...that it was unnatural and superficial.

Is this what "fun" is for today's generation?

Where are the young adults that enjoy boardgames, hiking, nature, travel, new experiences etc.?
Is life just one big party with alcohol and drugs as guests?

I have officially lost my mind...if anyone finds a mind wandering, please bring it back.

Thank you.

P.S. I love you all for the kind words and advice you all share with me, but that is not the intention behind this thread. This is more like a rant-*****-fest if you will. =P

 

[leftykmonahan]

"Where are the young adults that enjoy boardgames, hiking, nature, travel, new experiences etc.? "

^-- precisely the type of friends I'd like. I've had more than my fill of the 'partying and getting high'-type friends (and pretended to like that for soo long, just to stave off loneliness ).

 

[CDSM]

I've found that it sometimes helps to be more of a caricature of myself. If I'm just mildly uptight and negative, people don't like me. But if I'm ridiculously, over-the-top negative, I find I'm very, very popular, even if I don't exactly 'fit in'.

 

[Brian]

Where are the young adults that enjoy boardgames, hiking, nature, travel, new experiences etc.?
Is life just one big party with alcohol and drugs as guests?

Well, I dunno about boardgames, but as for the rest, I'm over here in Idaho.

I hate bars too. If I had my way, I would gather a warband, and we would purge the land of bars and pubs in a sweeping storm of fire and death. Night would linger long on the anguished cries of the wicked and guilty, and we would be liberated of their burden.

But, that's illegal, and the morality of such a conquest is questionable in today's society. Bah.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I think everyone that walks into a bar eventaully arn't themselves.
How in the hell can you be yourself if you're messed up out of your god **** mind?
They become whatever the hell the drugs and alcohol dose.
It's not that complicated....

I have to learn how to put things into proper context and perspective.

Being a recoverying alki/addict ment I had to change.
I couldn't be that second rated person of myself.
I'm the only person that say I'm a recoverying addict/alki....
I got clean and sober at 22...
The truth of the matter is...I'm alot more healthy than most people.
I'm not jumping off the fucken briedge like everyone else just to feel accepted.

I was willing to admmit there's a problem and did something about it...

Also being raised in a dysfunctional enviorment ment I had a lot of fualty programing and belief system.
For a while I thought it was normal and that's the way life was going to be...
I worked hard...I party hard that was the norm...my family lived that way and most of my friends
and thier family lived that way. It was normally unhealthy as fresia....

I couldn't live or belief that way anymore.
I also had a deep sense or intuation that something wasn't right.

I begin to change...and it felt like I was going to die or going against the grain.
I had to learn how to step out of my comfort zone. Face all the fualt sense of guilt.
And there were plenty of people wanting to suck me back into that old life.

I couldn't be my old self any more. It was too painful for me.
I saw the fucken elephant in the living room and other people said I was crazy....

I wasn't crazy...I saw truth and didn't want to live in denial or remained delusional anymore.

I love myself today. I have good selfesteem today. I value and cherrish my life today.
This is me today...I'm still learning and growning, developing as a person today.
I'm clean and sober today...The real me shows up today...

I don't really give a fresia if alochol is legal or not...Cocain and heroin and freaken was legal once a upon a time too.
Marijana isn't illegal in all parts of the world....
I don't need freaken Obamamma nation or any goverment to put on a seal of approval of what is healthy or unhealthy for me...
Those people aren't any smarter than me or have more answers than me...They just humans. And fresia thier expert opinions.
Opinions are like ass-holes, everybody has one.

Alcohol is a depressent. Well common sense tells me if I had depression already I shouldn't pour a depresent into my system to make me feel more depressed.

I chose not to drink today becuase it's my choice. It's one of many steps of me taking my life back and being able to think for myself.
People don't have control over my life anymore. People with control issues will definitely don't like me..lmao

I can't change anyone...I can change me.

 

[JustJones]

Same... Here in England, all anybody cares about is getting off their face in pubs and clubs. I cant stand it myself, so I find it really hard to relate to most people my age. People tend to like me until I'm invited to go on a night out and I outright reject it, then they think I have some sort of social disease that I might somehow pass onto them, and they avoid me from that point.
Anyway, I would never want to try and pick up a girl in such a place. Sex with attractive women to me is far less desirable than a meaningful relationship with a person I enjy spending my time with.

Not into board games myself...or hiking for that matter, but I'm a bit of a geek (I really dont look like one though) and enjoy computers and art.

Btw Brian, I like your plan, and ready to cleanse the land whenever you are

 

[It was Mine]

you know, I love Risk and i'm not big on bars either. I face the same problem, I wonder where all the people like me are hiding or doing...There all doing the same as me, wondering how to find each other.

 

[sad sack]

People always say to 'be yourself,' but I have no real identity. Or if I do, I certainly haven't found it yet. I'm entirely too old to still be without an identity. When I must be social, I simply adapt to the people and situations I find myself in. I'm clever enough to pull that off, even if it does take its toll internally. I don't know how I ended up this way.

I have, at one time, participated in all the activities that the original poster does not enjoy. I was a late starter. I never drank much or did drugs until I was 21.

However, shortly after turning 21, I drank regularly with my friends for about a year. I didn't go to bars. We usually drank in one of two places, both being houses of friends.

Before long, I got tired of it and quit almost entirely for three years. All that did was turn me into the usual designated driver/food ***** every Friday and Saturday night, which was highly annoying. I also had to deal with the, 'OMG you don't drink! What's wrong with you!' crowd.

Then I started drinking again in late 2004, continuing to the middle of 2006. That 2004-2006 period I drank nearly every night, often at my favorite bar. I never did like big crowds or the party scene. The bar I went too was a quiet little place that catered mostly to older people. The people there were friendly and I knew most of the regulars, many of whom I worked with. I went there with my friends because I was comfortable. They would always push to go to one of the 'cool', loud, crowded bars. I never could stand those places.

I did enjoy drinking with my friends at the bar. The trick is to have just enough to loosen up, but not enough to feel bad. I'm pretty uptight when sober and in strange places, so the drinking did help me socialize, especially if I was in unfamiliar territory. I have to admit, my heavy drinking days were among my happier times.

As far as drugs go, I smoked weed occasionally. I never liked it much though. 'Mellows you out,' my ass! All that stuff did was make me even more paranoid. I did smoke from time to time, but it was pretty rare, especially considering I was offered some nearly every night, due to having a bunch of pot smoking friends who thought I was just hilarious when I was high.

I was never one for dancing. I had to be REALLY drunk for that

Nowadays I don't go out to bars much at all. On rare occasions, my brother or cousin (the closest thing to friends I have) will ask me to come out with them. Most of the time I refuse, but every so often I will go out for a little while. It's happened three times this year I think.

Unfortunately, a lot of people in their early 20s DO think going out to the bar, drinking and doing drugs is the height of living.

I was just thinking about board games the other day. I had a chat with my brother about all the games we used to play. I think I may have even brought up the subject in chat one night. I haven't played any of them in ages, but I used to be quite the fan. I'd like to play again sometime soon. Too bad I have gotten to be such a loner Some of my favorites were Risk, Monopoly, Sorry, Clue, Stratego and the legendary Uncle Wiggily.

I miss those days. I could be a sore loser sometimes, but I swear everybody used to gang up on me when I was winning! It was very frustrating, and not the least bit fair.

I like hiking and nature as well. I was going on hikes every Sunday last winter and spring. I cut back a lot in summer because it was too hot for me. I hate hot weather. Then football season started and my hiking associates didn't want to go anymore. Back when I was going every week, I'd go with some combination of my dad, brother, cousin, cousin's girlfriend, and dog. But like I said, since football season started nobody wants to go anymore. Hopefully they will pick it up again when the Ravens are eliminated. For some reason that's the one activity I prefer to do with people. When I was going, that was my only real socializing. I even go bowling alone (my latest fad) I also like taking walks around my neighborhood every evening.

I don't travel much. I've only left my small state a few times in the past couple of years. And even then, I only went a few miles over state lines.

 

[Cless]

lol I feel exactly the same way. I think people like us are out there, and because we are like this, we don't give others like us the opportunity to know us since we don't go out as much. I've always enjoyed things people older than me do and appreciate things that my generation tends not to but I've also met some people who think alike, although very rarely. I think joining some kind of social group with interests common to yours eg hiking etc would be a great start.

 

[Luna]

Left// Are you trying to meet new people? I find that despite my efforts, nothing has yet worked.

CDSM// Hmm...I find people (in general) are drawn to excitable personalities.
The people who are loud, center-of-attention "types" are never alone.

Brian// Count me in! We'll figure something out.

Lonesome// You should be proud of yourself...sounds like you've come a long way.

JustJones/It Was Mine/Cless// "I wonder where all the people like me are hiding or doing...There all doing the same as me, wondering how to find each other."

It's all a matter of finding like-minded people...that is the challenge. Can be compared to looking for a needle in a haystack...blindfolded.

Sad Sack// "When I must be social, I simply adapt to the people and situations I find myself in."

I find myself doing the same to a certain extent. Part of it...is my desire for acceptance. Acceptance through adapting...as it seems as though I can't be accepted for what I am.

Awww...): I would go bowling with you if I could. I'm not daring enough to go alone to social places. I've gone to restaurants alone, that's about it.

 

[samba101]

I don't think I'd be brave to go to restaurants alone but I could go to the movies and the mall to eat by myself that wouldn't be a problem.

 

[heretostay]

I think 'being yourself' is a very lucid term, and probably not something that most people figure out- ever.

If you are considering going to bars and partying, then all that means is you dont know who you are yet so you tried something new to try and find out. And it didnt work out. Such is life. Just keep trying.

Something to consider is to find a young adults church group. find a liberal church if you arent really religious. you will find people who are more of your mind in that kind of environment. I am not really religious but after high school i started hanging out with a young adults church group and i made some good friends there. It may not be exactly what you are looking for, it wasnt for me, but there's not a lot of middle ground in the country. Its really a compromise.

 

[darkwall]

I'm actually getting sick of this:

"Having fun for much of today's young adults means:
-Going to bars all the time"

"a lot of people in their early 20s DO think going out to the bar, drinking and doing drugs is the height of living"

"all anybody cares about is getting off their face in pubs and clubs"

Have none of you figured it out yet? The people you would like to meet are at home, like you, talking to the internet about how they never meet people.

 

[Brian]

Have none of you figured it out yet? The people you would like to meet are at home, like you, talking to the internet about how they never meet people.

Yeah, it's kind of a vicious -and ironic- cycle.

The hardest part is that I could meet those people if the law wasn't so strict with regard to breaking and entering.

Bah.